Watchdog

You could stay up until almost midnight tonight, or you could just read WatchDog for Goose Gossage's Top Ten on "The Late Show with David Letterman." (Just kidding. You should watch the show anyway if you're awake. I don't want to be mean about this. I go back to 1982 with Dave.)

Here it is, straight from the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska. The Top Ten Things Goose Gossage Can Say Now That He’s Been Elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame:

10. “Today’s contracts are ridiculous – the most I made in a season – 800 bucks.”

9. “I traded my 1978 ‘Rolaids Reliever of the Year’ award for a banjo."

8. “My real name is Goose Gossagestein.”

7. “This facial hair makes me look cool. Letterman’s made him look like a drifter.”

6. “I’m retired, but I still wear a cup.”

5. “In 1979, I recorded the novelty single, ‘Disco Goose.’”

4. “Now maybe my neighbor will shut up about his bowling trophies.”

3. “To psych myself up for a game, I’d listen to the soundtrack of ‘My Fair Lady.’”

2. “After recording the last out of the 1978 Yankees-Red Sox playoff, I kissed Bucky Dent on the mouth.”

1. “The only thing I ever tested positive for was being a flame-throwin’ sum’bitch.”