I wanted to save this one until my trip back home from London was complete, for fear that if I wrote about it before flying, it might happen again.
Stapler was an eyewitness to this unfortunate situation a couple years ago, when we went to cover the Giants in Oakland. On the trip out west, I had a window seat on an otherwise packed 737. With about 10 minutes to go, no one is in the seat next to me, and I figure this is my lucky day.
Nope.
Stapler and I see a 20ish guy who looks as if he hasn't showered in a week walk my way, and - yep - he sits next to me.
Turns out I was wrong about thinking he hadn't showered in a week. It was more like a month.
The smell was so overpowering, I thought I'd pass out. It was like being trapped inside Jerry Seinfeld's car after the parking attendent at the restaurant left a stench that was so putrid and long-lasting that Jerry had to sell the car.
Ok, 7 hours of hell begins now.
Anyway, a couple hours into the flight, I go to the bathroom, mostly to escape the stench, and I ask the flight attendant if she can offer any suggestions, since throwing the guy off the flight is not an option at this point.
She does.
She goes back into the galley, and hands me a sealed package of coffee that's already enclosed in a filter. She tells me to go back to my seat, open the bag, and just toss it around, kind of like a pitcher would a resin bag. Just do it for a couple of minutes, and it will get better, she says.
Hey, I'll try anything.
So I go back to my seat, open the bag and start tossing it around.
... and it actually worked. I'm serious. The coffee somehow absorbed most of the funkified smell. It didn't competely eliminate it, but it got me across the country without having to use the barf bag.
PS: No problem on last night's flight back from London.
Comments (2)
I was a flight attendant for decades and we used to use ground coffee to cover up vomit from air sick passengers. It not only masked the appearance but also the rancid smell.
Unopened bags of ground coffee would be hung on the inside of smelly lavatory doors on long haul flights.
You see! These flight attendants know what they're talking about. Thanks for the heads-up, David.