Bronx & Beans

Yeah, Punchy Gardner really tattooed that one. I'm sure Papelbon dreads the idea of facing THAT guy for the next decade. And with the hit, the phenom bumped his on-base percentage to .208. Not bad for a leadoff guy!

As for Papelbon, he'll get another shot in Yankee Stadium soon enough. He'll be the logical choice for AL manager Terry Francona to close out the All Star Game in the Bronx.

Because, no, Francona is NOT obligated to use Yankees closer Mariano Rivera for this "historic" game. The All Star Game isn't about good will anymore - these days it counts, right? And, sure, Rivera's still a dominant closer (87 saves the last 3 seasons, to Papelbon's 98). But Mo's had his time. And who would you rather close a postseason game right now?

To the victors go the spoils, Tito. Close the game with Papelbon on the mound, Varitek behind the plate. (Well, at least Papelbon deserves it). Will the Yankees have a problem with that? Well, win the World Series.

In the meantime, the Yanks need to get to work on the Rays tonight. Most Sox fans will be rooting for them. They might be the most expensive group of spoilers ever assembled.

---Dennehy

If I wasn't so sure that Yankees fans are the most over-confident fan base in America, I'd start to think there was a sense of panic in the Bronx.

First, Hank Steinbrenner and the brain trust gut one of the team's strengths by moving wonderboy Joba Chamberlain out of the bullpen and into the starting rotation - leaving blunder-boy Kyle Farnsworth as 'the bridge' to Mariano in the 8th inning. And we saw how that worked Monday night.

Then, after watching over-hyped prospects Philip Hughes (0-4, 9.00) and Ian Kennedy (0-3, 7.41) routinely cough up about 7 runs per start, Yankees fans are suddenly so desperate that they're giving Chamberlain a standing ovation after giving up only 2 runs in 2 1/3 innings in his first start! (By the way, 23-year-old Red Sox rookie Justin Masterson improved to 2-0 Tuesday night with a 2.95 ERA.)

Finally, the boo birds hammer the Yankees bullpen when guys named Dan Giese and Jose Veras can't keep the Blue Jays off the scoreboard after being asked to hold the game --- for 6 2/3 innings!! Yikes.

Apparently, there has already been rumbling that a few of the Yankee veterans aren't pleased with the decision to switch Joba from the pen to the rotation. And after a week like this, you can't blame them.

Of course, there is some good news for the Yankees. The troubling injury to David Ortiz' wrist gives some hope to all American League pretenders. And this week the Yanks have the luxury of watching the iron of the AL East beat each other up at Fenway as the Red Sox battle the Rays.

Hey, anyone want to start a Red Sox-Rays blog?

-- Dennehy

The day is upon us: weighing in at 230 pounds, hailing from parts unknown (or maybe Lincoln, Nebraska), Joba Chamberlain - starter.

Joba will take the ball Tuesday at the soon-to-be-wrecking-balled Stadium. He'll be limited by a 65-70 pitch limit, which means he can't possibly do as much damage as the guy whose spot he poached, Ian Kennedy (0-3, 7.41 ERA, less than 5 IP/start). (Well, technically, Kennedy is on the DL.)

Through 20 outings, Joba has been quite good, but not as unhittable as the Godzilla-like missile chucker who captivated the baseball world in 2007. Peep the stats:

'07 missile chucker: 19 G, 2-0, 1 ER (a Mike Lowell jack), 0.38 ERA, 0.75 WHIP.
'08 pretty good dude: 20 G, 1-2, 2.28 ERA, 1.141 WHIP.

Yankees fans and the media are framing Joba-as-starter as the '08 Bombers' equivalent of Skywalker's one shot into the Death Star before it destroys the rebel base. In other words, either a) Joba dominates and helps right the Yankee ship or b) Joba doesn't get it done and the S.S. Girardi goes careening off into space. Here are the official Bronx and Beans potential outcomes:

1. Joba terrorizes American League hitters, becomes an international media sensation, dates Madonna, changes his name to J-Chizzy and fireballs the Yankees into the World Series, where he wins Game 7 in the final game at Yankee Stadium, where the whole crowd goes "Joba!!! Joba!!!" and a bald eagle lands on the flagpole and sheds a single tear.

Likelihood: Not very. First of all, bald eagles are very uncommon in urban areas (a Peregrine falcon would be much for likely). Also, one great pitcher isn't enough to carry a team to a World Series (see the 2005 Marlins and Dontrelle Willis). Check the rest of the Yanks staff: Mussina and Pettitte are a zillion years old, Ian Kennedy looks worse than Patrick J. Kennedy, Phil Hughes is hurt, Darrell Rasner is still Darrell Rasner. And no matter how well Joba pitchers, somebody has to catch fly balls in the outfield, and those two statues named Damon and Matsui aren't getting it done.

2. Joba reverts into a League-Average-Inning-Muncher to rival Danny Darwin before getting hurt and shut down for the season, the Yankees stay in the A.L. East cellar and make deadline deals out of Giambi, Abreu, Jeter, A-Rod, John Sterling, Bob Shepherd and the stadium facade, 8,000 people show up for the stadium's final game against division-leading Baltimore, and a lonely old man in Section 28 sighs aloud, "None of this would've happened if Joba was the real deal" and begins to cry.

Likelihood: Not very. Joba's gonna be fine - more likely excellent. And even if he's mediocre, the Yankees have more firepower than Dick Cheney's hunting trips. Despite the .500 start, no team with those bats can languish for too long.

3. Joba is pretty darn good and the Yankees turn out to be pretty darn good. They win more than 90 games for the 5,897,239,085,729,038,475,298,357,328,905th straight year and contend for a pennant.

Likelihood: Pretty much 99.9 percent. Joba is the real deal: he throws hard, he has mound presence, and the Yankees are taking a step-by-step approach toward getting him into the rotation. Fear not Pinstripers: your Joba has arrived.

--Whittle

After Moose lulled the Indians to sleep through the first five innings, the Yankees' bullpen spelled relief like a jug of TUMS.

Jonathan Alba...Abula...Abla...that righthander they got from the Nationals. Yeah him. He looked confident and pitched his way out of a one-out walk in the sixth.

I'm really proud of Kyle Farnsworth. Seriously. Our buddy Farnsie just realized "Hey, I throw 241 miles per hour, I should challenge hitters." He's looking like Ricky Vaughn against Jack Parkman at the end of Major League II. His slider is sharp and his fastball can just be ridiculous at times.

(Editor's note: To our loyal Bronx and Beans readers, I was looking for a good Parkman photo to throw in here for us, but no dice).

Yankees just made the score, 5-2. Going to the bottom of the eighth....looks like Joba.

9:59 p.m. UPDATE: Joba just struck out Casey Blake on a disgusting slider to end the eighth. I really couldn't throw a wet lopsided wiffleball like that. Wow.

10:12 p.m. UPDATE: Mo shuts the door. Eighth save of the year as the bullpen retires 10 straight batters for the 5-2 win. By the way...how many Indians' hitters have those "Just For Men" beards? Casey Blake HAS to have a deal with them.

Yanks headed home.

-- Fernandez