Bronx & Beans

It's a Thursday afternoon - as fine a time as any to procrastinate at work by watching the Sox/Yanks series finale. Have no fear, work-weary Long Islanders: I'm right there with you.

However, unlike most of you, I'm rooting for the Red Sox to complete a rousing three-game sweep of the erstwhile Bombers. So far it's a pitchers' duel - Lester and Mussina have kept it scoreless through three. Sox n00b Mark Kotsay narrowly missed a home run earlier, but he got pwned and had to settle for a double. Sorry ... that's enough Internet-speak for today.

The Yanks just doubled up David Ortiz and Jason Bay to end the top of the third. Still no score.

--Whittle

Here we go with the Biggest Series in the History of Baseball. Three days time till the Bronx Boys have to sing Sweet Caroline.

And the pitching matchups:

Tonight: Wake vs. Bad Andy: It's a senior citizen convention on the mound in the Bronx. This is the one game that favors the Yankees: an aging knuckleballer coming off the DL versus a crafty veteran. ADVANTAGE: Yanks.

Tomorrow: Garbage vs. Worse Garbage: Expect a big-time slugfest as barfballers Byrd and Ponson heave meat-pitch after meat-pitch. My best guess: Ponson is awful. ADVANTAGE: Sox.

Thursday: Lester vs. Mussina: Aces high in the deciding game. It's Yankee Stadium, a lefty, and a team that can't hit lefties. You do the math. ADVANTAGE: Sox.

--Whittle

All those folks who have been signing and passing around the mass card to send to the Yankees to memorialize their demise in the regular season might want to check themselves for a few minutes.

Here comes our savior. The one man who can resurrect the Yankees' 2008 season and carry them into the playoffs once again.

That man is Carl Pavano!

Under the watchful eye of pitching coach Dave Eiland, Pavano will return to the form that landed him that four-year, $39.95 million contract way back after the 2004 season.

Pavano is going to throw six solid innings for the Yankees in Baltimore on Sunday in his first start since April 2007. He'll even get the win.

OK, I don't really believe this is going to happen but the guess here is that every other baseball writer and columnist in New York and the nation will hammer and mock him leading up to his start, so at least there's one person not affiliated with the Yankees or the Pavano family tree who defends Pavano (even if it is a bit half-hearted).

- La Monica

Cito Gaston in the dugout, aces on the mound: that's how the Blue Jays always beat the Red Sox in the late 1980s and early '90s.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

The Bostons posted a record of 36-42 against the Jays from 1988 to 1993, a time when the Sox won two division championships and won at a .511 clip. The Jays became a truly vexing team for Boston in the summer of 1989, when the Jays replaced legendary loser Jimy Williams with Gaston. Sox fans (including this typist, a chubby 11-year-old at the time) began to see Dave Stieb (13-10 career record vs. Boston) and Jimmy Key (16-8) in their nightmares when August and September rolled around.

In one mid-August series in 1989, the Jays rolled into Fenway for a three-game set with both teams trailing division-leading Baltimore by 2.5 games. In the first game - where the pitching matchup clearly favored the Sox - Jay rookie Mauro Gozzo and the Toronto bullpen outdueled Mike Boddicker in a 4-2 win. In game two, Dave Stieb put the clamps on the Sox bats while Jay hitters kicked around this bozo. In the finale, the Sox figured to salvage a game by sending Roger Clemens up against Todd Stottlemyer. Nope. The Boston bullpen imploded, turning a 3-2 lead into a dispiriting 7-3 loss.

Toronto went on to win the division. Sox fans remember 1989 as little other than the year Jim Rice retired.

Fast forward 19 years.

Yesterday, while Gaston watched from the dugout, the Sox couldn't get anything going against Roy Halladay, and the Jays won 4-1. Today, the Jays' normally punchless offense put up 6 runs in the first off Josh Beckett, and now Shaun Marcum (3 ER's over last two starts) is toeing the rubber.

And the Sox have to face the Jays 10 more times this season.

Gulp.

Makes me feel like I'm 11 years old again.

--Whittle

It's time to use the "M" word, Bronx Boys.

Meatballs? Nope, even though Fernandez loves them. Mooooooose? No way, not even after win No. 15 the other night. Moronic? Now we're getting closer.

Wait, how about ... Mediocre?

Now we're gettin' somewhere.

The season is nearing the three-quarter mark and the Yankees look like they are making a run at mediocrity. They're 63-54, a "meh" nine games over .500, 7.5 games behind the Yes-They're-Real Rays and 4 games behind the Wild-Card-Leading BoSox. And the Other Sox are also in front of the Pinstripe Patrol. How does this year's crew stack up with the last few installments of the Bronx Bombers after 117 games?

2005: 65-52, 3.5 games behind the Sox in AL East.

Result: With a furious 30-15 streak to end to season, the Yanks take the division on second to last day. The Yanks even have a chance to keep the Red Sox out of the playoffs with a Game #162 victory and a Tribe win. Unfortunately, they send Jaret Wright to the mound, and he stinks. Yanks eventually crash and burn against the Angels in the playoffs anyway.

2006: 70-47, 2 games up in AL East.

Result: Yanks roll into Boston for a five-game series and obliterate the Red Sox by a combined score of about 54,976,340,976 to 6. The Bombers took the division and looked poised to go deep into October ... but then the Tigers exposed New York's lack of starting pitching depth in the NLDS.

2007: 66-51, 4 games behind the Sox in AL East.

Result: The Yanks crawl out of the coffin in August and September to go 28-17, good enough to seize the wildcard berth from the fading Tigers. But seriously, do I have to say anything other than one word: midges?

Bomber-lovers beware: the Yanks have a deeper pit to crawl out of this year, and their squad isn't as formidable as in years past. Joba is hurt. Ian Kennedy looked horrible against the Angels. Sexson can throw all the helmets he wants, but he's still not enough to save the offense ( which is a blah 7th in the league in runs scored).

In the Bronx, it's dial M (as in mediocre) for Yankees.

--Whittle

You know, we don't mind Beans contributor Halo Hughes gloating over another torrid July for his beloved Angels.

With the specter of their powerhouse offense once again grinding to a complete stop against the quality pitching of October --- What do you think we can expect from Vlad Guerrero this postseason? .125 batting average? Eight strikeouts? In three games? --- I guess I'd savor the moment, too.

But kissing up to Yankee fans? Just shameful!

Here's an excerpt: "A confession: I like the Yankees, hate the Red Sox ... Yankee fans don't whine. You don't do that. Neither do Angel fans. Red Sox and Met fans? They whine. I hate them."

We'll forget the fact that Halo Hughes then proceeded to do little else BUT whine... 'Michael Kay made fun of us... Wah, Wah, Wah....The Angels were in a bus crash 20 years ago...Wah. Wah. Wah.'

I suppose it doesn't take a trained analyst to uncover where this rage comes from.

The two Sox postseason sweeps of recent years were bad, but the real sting began on that afternoon in1986.

You know... Gene Mauch pulls Mike Witt from Game 5 of the ALCS in the ninth inning. Donnie Moore comes in to close out the series and send the Halos to their first World Series, Al Michaels cries, '...and Downing goes back, and it's GONE!!' Dave Henderson clumsily hops around the bases. The mounted police quietly return to the exits... And, somewhere in that quiet stadium, according to sources, a young Halo Hughes is there.

Cue Robin Williams from 'Good Will Hunting'... 'Son, all of these things that happened... It's not your fault. It's not your FAULT!.'

It wasn't your fault when the Angels took 'Rooster' Burleson, and he was never heard from again. Or when Freddie Lynn went west, rediscovered his wavy-gravy California temperment, and forgot how to win.

Or when Mo Vaughn moved to Anaheim and, well, fell down the dugout steps.

Look, these things happen. And, yes, 1986 was a lousy year. But, hey, we got over it.

-- Dennehy

In the interest of equal time . . . but really because we're going to love posting Donnie Moore, Doug DeCinces and Dave Henderson photos each time the Yankees beat the California Angels this weekend . . . we let Halo Hughes open his trap once more. Here he goes.

Yes, we lost. I will say this slowly so Yankee fans can drink in this vast accomplishment and all the gravitas forthwith. THE......YANKEES......ACTUALLY......BEAT.....THE ANGELS. Twice even. It really happened.

It doesn't change Angel dominance of all things pinstripes. No, that goes back a decade or more and at least a billion in Yankee payroll. Nice to see we ensured the split Friday night with a 1-0 win in the Bronx though. So Sunday we give Vlad the day off. It's a getaway Sunday. The final day of an East Coast 7-3 swing. Not bad. A sweep in Fenway. Two out of four at Yankee Stadium. I'm not complaining. But a nice little win for those pesky little Yanks. See you next weekend on the Left Coast. Feel good about yourselves.

The Halos come home to Angels Stadium for a set with the Orioles. Not a good thing. As much as we have owned the Yankees, it's been the opposite with the O's. Couple of things to think about. Ripken gets the streak. Against who? The 1995 Angels, the uh hum, Tony Phillips Angels, sniff, sniff. That bus crash on the Jersey Turnpike a couple of years before that nearly killed the entire Angel club? Oh, it happened on the way to Baltimore.

So the Halos will drop one, maybe two, to the O's before we do our usual home punch out of the Yanks next weekend at the place where I did sooooo many things for the first time.

I'll give you just one: I'm working as a barback at Angel Stadium. It's 1981 and I'm 17 but i'm pouring beer and making a mean cocktail in the Grand Slam Room off the first base side on the terrace level. Sure it's illegal, a minor pouring cocktails, but it's baseball baby.

In the 6th inning, we break down the room and I have to wheel back the booze and leftover food to the Stadium Club on the club level. What a place that was. I'm in the elevator. Maybe I sampled some of the free Pabst, maybe I didn't. What's important is that in the elevator, about 5-foot-3 at this point in his life and probably three sheets to the wind himself is "The Cowboy" Gene Autry.

The man responsible for so much of my pain growing up. The man who made me think it was OK to carry a Bob Oliver baseball card in my wallet. The man who made me think "Papa Jack" Ron Jackson, could actually hit, long before he reinvented himself as a "hitting" coach for the...well you know who he coaches for. So I'm in the elevator and I say, and I'm not making this up, " How's it hangin' Gene?"

He looks at me with an expression of befuddled haze and maybe anger and I'm ushered out the door. I didn't get fired but it was because of that old-fashioned greeting between two old buddies, employer to employee really, that the Angels started a new policy where no stadium employees could ride the elevator with Gene. I'm told it still exists with Arte. My legacy.

Next Saturday, look for me, my son Q-Fabulous and Lou-the-Doo, my old man, in section 44 at Angel Stadium. Q's 9 so he sports the classic red Angel cap, I'll be going retro classic for the occasion: classic, 1971 style, small 'a' with the gold halo, Navy cap, red bill. Lou the Doo goes with the navy mid 1990s look: 'CA' with the silver halo that has never quite fit across his dome since I bought it for him at a game against the Brewers on July 27th, 1996.

Why do I remember this date?

The same night that dude lit a bomb at the Atlanta Olympics. All things lead back to the Halos, good, and mostly, if you chart back nearly 50 years, bad. Lou wears his lid Albert Belle 3/4 style, by the way.

A mean threesome.

I had the pleasure Friday night of listening to the people sitting behind me and Halo Hughes at the Stadium yell at him for Angel fandom. And I let them have at it as much as possible.

But Angels fans these days are cute and funny with how amazing their team is. They cling to 2002 like it was their first-born child. Oh wait, it kinda was. Sure, they tend to beat the Yankees handily -- they were the only team to have a .500 record or better in the Joe Torre era -- but they've been doing that for years. In the 1980s and early '90s, West Coast road trips were the worst for Yankees fans and it had nothing to do with the 10:30 p.m. start time.

After one measly World Series title -- one! -- Angels fans walk on water. Here's an email Halo Hughes wasted cyberspace with on Sunday night:

"so when does the 'We actually beat the Angels' party end? Lots of crying and group hugging i would imagine. Congrats on this early august feat!"

Here's what I have to say in response to Halo Hughes and how amazing his Angels are:

1) Your biggest deadline acquisition, Mark Teixeira hit a go-ahead grand slam in the 8th inning and your team still lost.

2) Your team gave up a home run to Jose Molina.

3) Your team scored ZERO runs against Sidney Ponson. Sidney Ponson!

4) K-Rod will break the saves record because your offense is sketchy as best.

Now let's take a look at the greatest game the Angels ever played (note: we'll leave the Dave Henderson jokes to the Beans):

Halo Hughes, you're dismissed.

Everyone in Red Sox Nation is so quick to hammer Manny Ramirez these days and to kiss the vacated ground in left field now that he's bleeding Dodger Blue with Joe Torre.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but in his eight years in Boston, didn't he help the Red Sox win two World Series rings? Correct me if I'm wrong, but in the 82 years before he moved to Beantown, didn't the Red Sox win zero World Series rings?

Man up, Red Sox fans and give Manny the credit he deserves. You sound like a bunch of lazy incumbents awaiting a ninth-straight re-election to Congress.

As of this writing, the Sox are looking to put a finishing touch on a victory over the punchless A's and the Rays are stumbling in extras against the Motor City Kitties. The Yankees won a slugfest over the Halos and the White Sox are getting crushed by the Royals. Also, the Twinkies slipped past the Tribe.

Where am I going with this? Because it's all indicative of the Doomsday Scenario that AL baseball fans had better be prepared for next month.

Most of you are probably Bombers fans, so let me put this simply so your feeble brains can understand it.

I've looked into my crystal ball, and here's what I see:

-It's the last weekend of the season - Friday to be exact - and the Yanks, BoSox, Rays, Twinkies, Kitties and PaleHose all have 90 wins. Three games to go each.
-The Yanks play the Red Sox. The Tigers play the Rays. The Twins go up against the Royals and the Bogus Sox play the Wahoos.
-The Angels have 100 wins already and have locked up the division and homefield throughout the playoffs and World Series. Halo Hughes dances awkwardly around in the newsroom at the thought of a Freeway Series that only he will care about.
-That leaves six teams competing for three playoff spots. Get ready for a weekend of nerve-racking baseball.

Now, I know there are holes to my theory. The Rays have to keep playing well and the Tigers have to start playing much better. The Rangers can't catch fire, which is still possible. The Yanks pitching has to hold out and the Red Sox have to keep hitting without Manny.

But you heard it here first. The final weekend in September is going to be one to remember.

--Whittle

In terms of rivalries, this decade's edition of the California Angels are like the Texas Rangers of the 1990s. They hang around for a few years and make the playoffs and have a player no one wants to pitch to (Vlad G. = JuanGon). The only difference is these California Angels actually win games against the Yankees and Red Sox.

And with the Angels in town for another turn at the Stadium, fresh off a sweep of the Red Sox in Fenway, Halo Hughes had started yapping again about his beloved Angels.

In the interest of equal time, we decided to let Halo Hughes have his say during Thursday night's game. Below is work. By the way, Halo Hughes and Bronx La Monica will be in Section 23 at the Stadium tonight, so come by and say to hi to La Monica and throw peanuts at Hughes. Just look for the guy in a Vince Ferragamo T-shirt caught in a sleeper hold by a guy in a Mattingly jersey.

From Halo Hughes, during the 12-6 Angels romp over the Yanks