1. The Yankees will win Friday night's Subway Series opener, 8-2, as Josh Phelps will go deep against Mets starter Oliver Perez. As Scott Schoeneweis gets hammered in the sixth inning, the Mets will contemplate bringing up a bullpen reinforcement from the minor leagues. Then they'll realize, "Oh yeah! All of our minor-league pitchers are serving suspensions for steroid usage!"
2. Tom Glavine will pick up career victory 295 in defeating Darrell Rasner and the Yankees on Saturday, 4-2. Kyle Farnsworth, feeling oddly emboldened, will criticize the Yankees' offense, Rasner, Mariano Rivera and George Steinbrenner's four children in a post-game radio interview.
3. Sunday night's rubber game will be won by the Yankees, 5-4, when Alex Rodriguez homers off Billy Wagner in the top of the 10th inning. The real excitement will take place in the sixth inning, however, when a new rap song _ "Surgically Repair Ya Knees" _ appears on line, featuring both Lastings "L MIllz" Milledge and Carl "C Pain" Pavano.
4. After his bullpen blows yet another lead on Saturday, this one to the White Sox, Lou Piniella, steam literally coming from his ears, will pack up his belongings in the Wrigley Field manager's office and check into a monastery.
5. With interleague play drawing huge crowds all over the country, baseball commissioner Bud Selig will pull a right shoulder muscle while aggressively patting himself on the back.
Comments (2)
During the seventh inning stretch of Saturday's game all eyes will be directed to George Steinbrenner's box as David Cone is announced as Sunday's starting pitcher and Bernie Williams is signed as the DH.
Are you kidding me? Mets sweep or take two out of three games. Or a possible rainout for Saturday's game. Either way, the Mets prevail and the Yankees are pushed even further back in the AL East.