Keyboard Quarterbacks

By Mark La Monica

SEATTLE -- Here's a simple question with a not-so-simple answer.

Q: What team does Allen Iverson play for?
A: Denver Nuggets.

In the present tense, that is correct. But in the past tense, 2001 to be precise, that cost me $50 million. See, I had time to kill last night here in the Emerald City. So I walked into some dive bar I (and most of the rest of the world, apparently) had never heard of before.

A quick glass of Coke and some bar games were all I was after. Ah, yes, the trivia machine. Time to test my skills at Zillionaire Sports, a sports trivia game modeled after the "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" TV game show.

It seemed like an interesting way to pass the time. Nowhere did it mention that this trivia game was made in late 2000 and updated zero times since then. Haven't they heard of "Download Update Now" in the city that Microsoft and Nintendo call home?

The first clue came with this question: "Which tennis star is expecting a baby in 2001 with Steffi Graf?" Uh, yeah, that "expectactant baby" already had his own commercial with mom Steffi and dad Andre Agassi.

At this point, I had to revert back to 2000-2001 thinking. It's very easy to forget things that have happened in recent years, but quite difficult to force yourself to do it.

So even when the machine asks you what race Lance Armstrong has won "the past three years," you have to control your urge to scream out "Dude, it's 7 years in a row!" and just calmly select "Tour de France" if you want to continue playing.

This game did nothing to squash the New York mentality that the rest of America is light years behind the Big Apple.

But it did present an interesting challenge for a sports aficionado such as myself. Imagine having to erase your memory of everything you've seen and known about sports for the past seven years? Not easy. Eli Manning is still in high school. Tom Brady is still a backup. The Yankees get out of the first round of the playoffs. Marion Jones is the darling of the Olympics. BALCO isn't even on the landscape. People still have 30-pound cans of potatoes in their Y2K fallout shelters.

"Who has just been named NFL offensive player of the year?"

"Hmmm, tough call, and I refuse to pass or poll the 'audience' until I get to a hockey or NASCAR question. But, I believe the Rams were studs then, so I'll go with Marshall Faulk."

Boom, $1 million in my virtual pocket.

"What team does former NBA Rookie of the Year Allen Iverson play for?"

"Nuggets. No! wait! This is 2000. Sixers. Sixers, Sixe . . . . . . Damn!"

$50 million washed away. I feel so demoralized. This is almost as bad as losing a game of pickup basketball to Prince and the Revolution.

At least I made the top of the leaderboard with my performance. My name on the screen: Hello, 2008!