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By Mark La Monica
Some things stand the test of time. Allen Iverson's "We talkin' 'bout practice" monologue is one of those things.
Where would we be without YouTube to let us go back in time on occasion and relive some old school joy? Hope this helps you get through the day.
There's this guy I know. For the sake of blog continuity, we'll call him Giants fan friend Tommy Dips. By all accounts, he's an absolute madman when it comes his Giants.
A former colleague here at the wonderful world of Newsday, Tommy Dips read my "Turn your head and Coughlin" piece on Sunday night and promised to unleash his fury. Knowing all too well Dips' potential for madness, I gladly encouraged such words be put together and emailed to me.
Tommy Dips made a cathartic attempt to get over the monumental 21-point collapse by the Giants on Sunday against the Titans. He catalogued some of the all-time Giant collapses and his memories of them. I think you'll find that you all share similar moments of sports lunacy. It's quite an amusing read for non-Giants fan. It's a quite an amusing and painful read for Giants fans.
Click here for Madman Giants fan friend Tommy Dips' take on some other collapses in Big Blue Land:
I can relate to Michael Vick.
In college, I was notorious for being a complete lunatic if something went wrong when I was playing a competitive sport. I honestly think my friends came to watch me explode if our football, softball, volleyball or basketball team fell behind. I’d yell, cuss, slam walls, throw things, just completely meltdown. Basically, I have the potential to be the worst (but most entertaining) teammate ever.
One time I yelled at my then-girlfriend for dropping a pass in a co-ed intramural football game.
Off of the field, I’m a pretty cool, calm and collected soul; but once I put on the athlete hat, I’m completely melodramatic.
I really think that’s where Vick was on Sunday when he signaled some unruly fans in the midst of Atlanta’s loss to New Orleans. The Falcons are struggling, Vick’s not getting time in the pocket, when he does his throws are off or his receivers are dropping them (Roddy White’s on the 10 might be one of the worst in NFL history)…the only thing that’s working are his legs.
The question is not “Why did he freak out?” it’s “Why did it take so long?” The guy is a competitor. I’m glad his fine was only $5,000.
I know it’s not how you conduct yourself. I wasn’t particularly proud when I slammed a clipboard in a playoff softball game or slammed a wall during a basketball game. But competitive people hold themselves to the highest standard: win or bust.
Vick is not a monster for that. I’m sure the next time he’s on the verge of a meltdown, this slipup will restrain him (after being lectured by the ex and one of my best friends I toned it down a notch…sometimes).
Put it this way: I’d rather see Vick’s intensity in an athlete (inappropriate gesture included) than the half-hearted tackle attempt by Plaxico in the fourth quarter on Sunday.
It was a throwaway line. One that the speaker didn't really believe would happen and one that the listener considered a little bit of bullshtein.
It was brought about by the listener's question of "What are you up to?"
"I'm gonna go watch the TItans score three touchdowns in the fourth quarter and then beat the Giants," I said to Lawyer friend Steve as the fourth quarter of the Giants-Titans game was about to start.
I didn't really think it would happen, but if any team was capable of allowing it to happen, it's the Giants. They are the Collapse Champions, the Cardiac Arresters, the We Can Lose Any Game We Want G-Men, the Big Blew It.
Up 21-0 early in the fourth quarter and then down 24-21 at the end of the fourth quarter is a script even the Jets wouldn't greenlight. But these are the Giants, with a defense that can blow any sized lead in any amount of time if they set their minds to it.
And if there's a quarterback in the NFL right now who you think could pull off the comeback, well, after the 2006 Rose Bowl, you have to at least consider putting Vince Young on that list.
"I take it all the way back to University of Texas," Young said in his postgame interview on the field with Fox.
We all do, Vince. Especially after that shot you took from Frank Walker that drew an unnecessary roughness call and gave your Titans a first down when you came up short on the fourth-down scramble.
"That was stupid," Coughlin said of Walker's hit.
Yes, but these are the Giants. And they don't seem to want to play very well for Coughlin anymore. This type of loss could cost Coughlin his job.
Young popped back up and suddenly, with 10:51 left, a 21-point comeback didn't seem so far off. Again, remember the Rose Bowl when Young put the entire state of Texas on his back and beat USC for the national championship.
Young threw a touchdown three plays later.
On the Titans' next possession, Young took the snap from the Giants' 1 and ran around the right end for a score to get within 21-14. Somewhere on Sunday night, Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush and Pete Carroll will see the highlights and say, "Yeah, I've seen that before."
Everywhere in the New York area on Sunday evening, Sunday night, Monday morning, Monday afternoon and the rest of the season, all Giants fans will say, "Yeah, I've $&%^@* seen that before."
Then on the next possession, we witnessed one of the most head-scratching plays in the history of the NFL. It was fourth-and-10 from the Titans' 24 with 2:48 left. GIants defensive end Mathias Kiwanuka wrapped up Young at the waist area and seemed to have the sack. Then he let go. He unsacked the quarterback, upping his NFL-leading unsacks to one.
Young still had the ball and ran 19 yards for the unbelievable first down. There was speculation that Kiwanuka thought Young had released the ball and wanted to avoid a roughing the passer penalty. Watching it on television, it looked like Kiwanuka confused Young for a tackling sled and fourth down for a drill in training camp. He retired on the play thinking he was Tiki Barber and the play was his career.
"I don't know what he was thinking," Coughlin said. No one does. But it made for great television. I haven't seen anything that funny since Alec Baldwin's "Always Be Cobbling" skit on "Saturday Night Live" last year.
Young threw another touchdown to tie it at 21 with 44 seconds left. The Giants were officially done. There was no way they'd come back and win this game.
Lawyer friend Steve received a phone call: "Didn't believe me, huh?"
All those years sharing their stadium with the Jets is starting to rub off on the G-Men.
There were 40 seconds left when the Giants got the ball back, their season basically over. Eli Manning decided to throw an interception at his 49. Three plays later, a field goal and a 24-21 win for the Titans.
"There's no way you can throw an interception at that stage of the game," Coughlin said in his postgame press conference. "There's no way."
Ah, but there is a way. It's called collapsing in the clutch and the Giants are very, very good at it. Just ask Trey Junkin.
"Tom Coughlin," Lawyer friend Steve said when he called me back at game's end. Well, the rest of his quote is unprintable.
They say things change so much from week to week in the NFL. How about from the third quarter to the fourth quarter? A throwaway line can lead to a thrown-away season.
Somewhere out there in Sports America, there are intelligent people.
These people watch sports on television. These people see halftime interviews during games. These people realize these are the least informative bits of air time in the vast landscape of American television.
And that's saying something, what with the existence of reality shows, Bill O'Reilly and the rest of those people on Fox News.
The "get" -- journalism speak for landing the interview -- is not hard. It's contractual. Coaches have to stop and answer woeful, thought-provokeless questions. Ones such as, "Coach, what does your team have to do to win the game now?"
The coach will usually respond with something like, "Well, we're gonna have to score more points."
On occasion, the coach will let down his cliche guard and offer up a "They made a few big plays on us and we're gonna have to control that."
Gripping television, ain't it?
The idea of this reporting is to give the viewer more insight into the game. It's a way for networks to show the viewers that they can deliver something more than just the action on the field. But at what cost?
If you're going to give us something, make sure it's good enough to watch. Most sports fans are slightly askew when it comes to their fandom, but they know exactly what they want. They want to know everything they can about their teams. Halftime interviews don't help.
What do the TV execs think this adds to the broadcast? If anything, they detract from it.
If coaches were contractually obligated to say something of substance, then maybe we'd have something worth watching. Right now, we have something worth turning off before the commercials start. Perhaps the TV execs would like to know that.
Redskins coach Joe Gibbs got it right in 2004 when he asked Fox to skip his interview with Pam Oliver. He meant no disrespect but he nothing to say. The Redskins were leading the Buccaneers, 10-3, at the half of that game. They were in control the whole way.
"What am I going to say?" Gibbs asked then. "I've got 12 minutes to go in and help our football team. To stop and say something, I'm probably not going to make sense."
If only all the coaches could be as sensible.
Atlanta Falcons cornerback Jimmy Williams once told me “I like to feel pretty when I play.”
For Jimmy that meant the sleeve, the visor on his facemask, the skullcap, etc. For Mike Nolan, San Francisco’s coach, and Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville’s coach, it means the traditional suit. The NFL allowed the two coaches to wear suits this week and they’ll wear them one more time this season, but they should encourage it.
I think it’s great. NFL head coaches are professionals.
Two or three weeks ago I wore one of my hoodies into work, I couldn’t have felt like a bigger scrub. Even my lovely coworkers had to tell me how unprofessional I looked.
Even though sweats rule, there’s nothing that says “I don’t care” more than them, while nothing says vintage NFL more than clips of Tom Landry walking the sidelines in the suit and hat ensemble.
Also, while I’m on a roll, nothing says “I suck” more than the nest that was on the back of Chris Berman’s head during Countdown on Monday night.
I know that the NFL has a deal with Reebok and the suits are courtesy of Reebok. But couldn’t they re-tool the deal to have Rebook still be the sponsor, but have to pay like $500,000 less to get coaches in suits (ayedunno how much, but whatever, you get my point). It needs to happen.
Just take a look below. I rest my case. (I couldn’t find a picture of the nest. Sorry.)
Bored on a Sunday night, I brought the laptop to the couch and hoped for continued wireless access to the Internet so I could put my random thoughts from this NFL Sunday where they belong: on the Web, in this blog.
Clearly, since you're reading this, the wireless access worked. Here goes with some thoughts on Week 11.
* How is that the Colts, the worst run defense in the NFL with 159.3 yards allowed, have a good day stopping the run against Dallas (117 yards) and still lose their first game of the season? Jim Sorgi was not quarterbacking the Colts at any point, so there goes that thought. Any other ideas?
* I'm not the best writer in the world, but if I were as bad at my job as Matt Millen is at his for as long, I'd fire myself before the next paragraph.
* Even if Millen, the Lions' GM, shaved his mustache, I'm fairly certain he'd still be very bad at his job. Sometimes, it's not just about the mustache.
* I respect Eric Mangini's coaching cajones, but an onside kick to start the second half against Chicago is just not wise. Despite leading the NFL in points per game with 33.7 coming into Sunday, the Bears remarkably have no ability to score points on offense. Why give them the ball in your own territory to start the second half? Plus, isn't that one of the more obvious times to expect an onside kick?
* Reggie Wayne is a very good receiver. So is Steve Smith, Terrell Owens and Marvin Harrison. But "Ocho Cinco" is Numero Uno.
* It took 11 weeks, but I'm starting to believe in NBC's "Football Night in America" as a viable replacement for ESPN's "NFL Primetime" when it comes to Sunday night highlight shows.
* Cris Collinsworth is one reason to watch "FNIA." When NBC did the Bengals-Saints highlights, they showed a fan holding up a dollar bill with Chad Johnson's face in place of George Washington. "In Chad We Trust," Jerome Bettis said. "Shouldn't that be a peso or something?" Collinsworth said. That's funny.
* I'm not a big Jessica Simpson fan, but after a few weeks of seeing those legs of hers on that DirecTV commercial, let's raise a glass and salute corporate sponsorship of the NFL.
* No surprise: The Raiders gave up a touchdown with less than two minutes left to give up the lead. Even less of a surprise: The Raiders had a chance to win it at the end and threw an interception in the end zone.
* Raiders, Cardinals, Lions. They don't even deserve a chance to get the No. 1 pick. That's how bad they are.
* Tony Romo is the 2006 version of Willie Beamen. When do the MetRx commercials hit the airwaves?
* LaDainain Tomlinson is the best player in the NFL. If I were of the mindset to support fantasy football, I would suggest that he be the No. 1 pick in every league next season. But, alas, I'm not of the mindset to support fantasy football, so I can't suggest it. But if I were . . . .
* There are a lot more teams in the mix for the second wild card spot after this week than Jets fans would like. The Bengals and Steelers winning didn't help the cause. Of course, it's still a complete longshot that the Jets could snag that spot, but still. Too many teams to be keeping track of as Jets fans prepare for Week 12.
* Eagles fans are crying in their cheese whiz down at Pat's about Donovan McNabb's torn ACL. D-Nabb doesn't deserve that. But Eagles fans do. They're awful.
* Through 11 weeks, my crazy Super Bowl XLI prediction of Chiefs vs. Cowboys still has a chance. Impressive. Well, at least it's better than last year's lunatic proposal of Jets vs. Redskins.
By Mark La Monica
It's been more than 24 hours since the Jets stuck it to the Patriots in Foxboro. That's more than enough time to settle down and return to normal life.
But then I saw these pictures, and oooh, they're gems.
Is Mr. Happy Pants crying because he's about to lose to Mangini?
And then he has no use for his protege. Mangini should have just clocked him in the grill and yelled, "How you like me now?" We could pass around an e-hat and drum up some coin for his bail if he did that.
The only imagery better than this will be if and when Mangini sticks it to Belichick in the playoffs one day.
Dear Mr. Sutton,
Isn't it amazing what happens when you blitz the quarterback periodically during an NFL game, as opposed to just waiting until the fourth quarter to send the safety in when your team is already down and fighting to get back into the game?
Keep it up.
Sincerely,
Jets fans.
There's going to be some serious fist pumping going on in the Garden State for the next few days. We're talking lights-out, ligament-tearing, no-holds-barred fist pumping. No. 15 Rutgers won the biggest football game in its 140-year history on Thursday night, 28-25, over No. 3 Louisville.
Hospitals might want to overstaff their emergency rooms this weekend with ortho specialists. The state is expecting many tricep tears. Fans, no cure exists for Fist Pumper's Elbow, so please be careful.
This is the biggest news to come out of Jersey since Steve Wynn decided to build the Borgata Hotel and Casino a few years back.
Much props to RU. Many folks didn't think the Scarlet Knights were for real. Many folks were wrong.
Greg Schiano, leader of the Rutgers resurrection and renaissance, may just be the most powerful man in New Jersey right now. Here's your chance to decide. Below is the Jersey Juice list. Who's got the most? The link to the poll is below the list.
Adam Abramson explores what will happen to Rutgers after the big win in his Campus Confidential blog.
I kept quiet when the NFL legislated against group end zone parties, effectively spitting on the memory of the Fun Bunch from the 1980s Washington Redskins.
I said nothing when the NFL banned players from wearing non team-oriented bandannas and headwraps under their helmets during games.
I stewed silently each offseason the past few years when the NFL slowly and systematically eliminated personal expression by regulating against end zone celebrations after touchdowns.
No more! It's time to get loud.
According to ESPN, the NFL has fined Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson $5,000 for wearing an "Ocho Cinco" velcro patch on the back of his jersey during warmups of last Sunday's game against the Atlanta Falcons. Excuse me, but wasn't the NFL honoring "Hispanic Heritage Month?"
That's not even the point, though. And yes, the translation of Johnson's jersey number 85 was wrong ("Ocho Cinco" translated means 8, 5, not 85), but again, that's not the point, even though this will probably generate more buzz in the NFL Latino community than any commercial or public relations initiatives the league tried.
This is about the NFL being dumb. We should fine them!
Who did this amusing manuever harm? Didn't it take place before the game? Has all the hard hitting caused the NFL to lose its funny bone? Grow up!
Before we continue, check out what the NFL.com homepage looked like at 11:30 p.m. Thursday.
That's right. Ring the bell of hypocrisy!!!
"Ocho Cinco" -- what are you going to do big bad NFL, fine me for writing it? -- gets fined by the NFL for putting it on his jersey during warmups but it's good enough for the league to use it in a headline to help promote Pro Bowl voting on its Web site?
Wow, talk about your sketchy, double-crossing moves. I haven't seen one that obvious since Hans Gruber blew the roof on the Nakatomi building in "Die Hard."
Questions: Did Ocho Cinco hurt someone? Did he beat his wife while wearing the jersey? Was he doing lines of smack in the tunnel before the game? Is he on the juice?
The NFL is getting so ridiculous in its beliefs of putting out a fan-friendly product, it should be flagged 15 yards for being stupid. Fans don't care about uniform policy violations before the game. They care that their team plays well and wins games.
A football game is entertainment. It's meant for the fans, as the NFL likes to say. Yet they restrict their players from entertaining the fans.
No one player is above the league, but the league is acting like it's above itself. The NFL is a machine in America. It's not going anywhere. Kind of like Rocky in the ring in Russia against Drago. Not with all the money we pour into the NFL, from the television contracts to the advertising dollars to wings we buy at the bar on NFL Sundays. Can you reasonably believe a sponsor would pull its ad because Ocho Cinco wore that on his jersey during friggin' warmups? If that did happen, we'd hear about it and then boycott that company for being woefully inept at estimating our intelligence.
Here's another question: Did "Ocho Cinco" show up in any legal documents referring to the spread of the herpes virus? (Hello, Ron Mexico.)
It's just a matter of time before we see a story saying the shop zone on NFL.com has banned people from buying a "personalized "Ocho Cinco" jersey. (Again, hello, Ron Mexico.)
So grow up, NFL. This isn't Communism. It's fan-friendly entertainment. If we wanted to deal with chivatos, we'd just watch the Omar Suarez scenes in "Scarface."
Hey, maybe the NFL could spend its time preventing steroid use or, at the very least, helping offensive coordinators learn how to call pass plays where all routes go beyond the first-down marker on third down.
Some things require no words to get a point across. This is one of those times . . . except for these five words: You gotta love Chad Johnson!
And maybe these words, too:
'Ocho Cinco' talks a lot and backs up most of it. More than that, the stuff he does is just plain funny. This week's comments that he'd go across the middle and smack Ray Lewis in the mouth is funny. Even Ray-Ray thought so.
Johnson, excuse me, 'Cinco,' found a way to make weekday press conferences amusing, similar to Clinton Portis dressing up in different costumes each week last season.
Some may frown on the antics of Cinco, saying that he should just shut up and play football. These people need to take a chill pill. Cinco is the needed lightheartedness in your typical stress-filled week.
