Finally, a Saturday of unadulterated college football watching on television. It took three weeks, but that’s beside the point.
Some observations from the grandest and most ridiculous sport in this land we call to America:
* Tuned in to the Virginia-Syracuse game late in the fourth quarter, I lucked into one of the rarest and most exciting plays in all of football – the credit card play. When the ball is so close to the measuring stick and the referee can’t eyeball a first down or not, he’ll reach into his pocket, pull out a card and slide it between the nose of the ball and the first-down stick. If the card goes all the way to the ground, it’s not a first down. You may watch a dozen games a night for a dozen years and never see it. Count your blessings when you do see it. And pray your VCR was already on.
* Watching the Miami Hurricanes’ offensive line pass-block is like watching a DVD of the Houston Texans in their inaugural 2002 season. David Carr was sacked an NFL record 76 times that season.
* Watching Miami Hurricanes quarterback Kyle Wright stand there and get sacked is like watching former NFL quarterback Rob Johnson play football. Note to readers: Rob Johnson is in the running for worst quarterback in recent NFL history. Note to Kyle Wright: Throw the ball away once in a while; your back will thank you for it some day.
* I’m convinced that it was really Johnny Knoxville playing quarterback for the Miami Hurricanes in the first half of a 36-30 triple-overtime win at Clemson. How else can we explain the unnecessary stillness as large men propel their hulking bodies at the quarterback?
* Has Louisville stopped scoring yet?
* Notre Dame needed some Overtime Jesus to pull off a miracle comeback against Michigan State. Or maybe just some decent defense.
* How’s this for a whammy: NBC Sports flashes a graphic to start the third quarter saying that since 1985, Notre Dame has not a lost a football game when committing no turnovers. The very next play? Bingo. Brady Quinn throws an interception. And it was run back for a touchdown. Some would simply call that The Spartan Factor, y’all. Some would say the graphics department sold their soul to the devil.
* Allegedly, on CBS at the same time as Miami-Clemson and Notre Dame-Michigan State, Alabama was hammering Steve Spurrier and his South Carolina Gamecocks, 37-14. I don’t believe it.
* Auburn beat Ball State, 63-3. Not sure what the spread was, but I’m guessing Auburn covered. If not, college football has some serious issues.
* Illinois had a 17-7 lead over Cal. Gators fan friend Zook should be happy. Oh no, Illinois lost 35-20. Gators fan friend Zook should not be happy.
* Florida State quarterback Drew Weatherford may be worse than Chris Rix. Although, Weatherford did beat Miami. Of course, FSU won that game in spite of Weatherford, but let’s not nitpick.
* Urban Meyer = God.
* Reportedly, Wisconsin played North Carolina on television on Saturday night. But with No. 6 Florida hosting No. 5 Tennessee at the same time, and No. 8 Florida State playing at No. 17 Boston College, it may have been a mirage.
* In some subcultures of American life, you’re only as cool as your alma mater’s football team. Well, Cornell spanked Bucknell, 24-7, this weekend, so that makes me just about the hippest cat this side of “Entourage.”
* USC led Arkansas, 28-7, with 4:16 left in the first quarter. The first quarter! Where did the Trojans find the time to allow seven points?
* I challenge any male in America to flip to a USC game on FSNY, hear Barry Tompkins’ voice as play-by-play announcer and NOT think about “Rocky IV.” Go ahead, I dare you to try. You’re better off trying to drink a gallon of milk in less than an hour.