I gained seven pounds just watching the Nathan's hot dog eating contest on July 4th.
Of course, I also lost 12 pounds vomiting while watching the Nathan's hot dog eating contest on July 4th.
Anytime you find an event that is so compelling and so disgusting at the same time, well, that's must-TiVo television.
Covered by the ESPN family of networks(no, not "The Ocho"), competitive eating was brought to the forefront of Americana again.
But this time, ESPN actually produced something decent. As they panned across the stage where the contestants shoved frankfooters into their mouths at inhuman rates, ESPN gave us some pigs-in-the-blanket informational nuggets on each contestant.
Sonya Thomas, the American hot dog record holder, once ate 10 pounds of cheesecake in 9 minutes.
Joey Chestnut, the rookie, once ate 6.3 pounds of deep-fried asparagus in 11:30.
Eric "Badlands" Booker, the New York subway driver, ate 49 glazed doughnuts in eight minutes.
These are records right up there with Peyton Manning's 49 touchdowns and Barry Bonds' 73 home runs, just without the merchandizing opportunities.
It also made watching the hot dog eating contest that much more enjoyable. So, I got to thinking. What would they say about me if I were there? Here are some options, just in case they had more than one reason to put the cameras on me:
"Once ate two double-headers from All-American in four minutes and lived through the night."
"Nearly died choking on a barbecue chicken sandwich." (Thanks again, Canadian friend Zamboni)
"Once ordered a pizza from Domino's after getting back from Las Vegas but passed out on the couch before the delivery guy showed up."
"Got caught stealing a lollipop in high school."
"Attended three free barbecues this weekend alone."
"Once worked in a bagel store for two hours before leaving to go play a baseball game."
"With two friends in Las Vegas, ordered appetizers and an extra entree for the table."
"Dining with a friend at a Thai joint in Williamsburg, ordered four appetizers and two entrees each." (Note: Bill was still under $50)
