Entourage: Let's Blog It Out

By Mark La Monica

The international love affair, whether consummated for three hours on a French beach or not at all, is as time-honored and respected by Americans nearly as much as the "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" mantra.

If "International Love Affair" fit on a T-shirt, it would be right up there in the pantheon of Americana with apple pie, baseball, Betsy Ross and "These Colors Don't Run."

This would help explain why we loved the Drama storyline in the Season 4 finale.

By Mark La Monica

We've been big fans of Ari Gold since before he even asked if we wanted to hug it out. Heck, we even named the blog after his famous catchphrase from Season 1.

He's manipulative, condescending, arrogant, smug, conniving, smarmy and slimy. Then he shows signs of compassion. In short, he's brilliant.

And Dana Gordon is slowly growing into the female version of Ari.

By Mark La Monica

The dude or dudette who invented the nasty cliche about jealousy rearing its ugly head clearly never met Perrey Reeves or saw her as Mrs. Ari/Kendall Scott parading around in her unmentionables.

Seriously, can you blame Ari for not wanting another man getting within 20 feet of her?

But I digress.

By Mark La Monica

Ever notice how, in life, the last friend you get to join you for a potential mass hookup is always a lemon?

Sometimes we get stuck with the lemon and sometimes, and let's be honest here, we ARE the lemon. And if Turtle is comfortable with that scenario, then so should we all.

Why does life deal us an 8 followed by a 3 so we can double-down and smacked in the face with a 4? There are no answers to this question, except to put another green chip in the circle and hope the dealer is feeling nicer the next time around.

By Mark La Monica

It may very have been the most perfectly acted scene in the history of "Entourage." Not the funniest, just so we're clear, but the most perfectly acted.

E runs into Sloan at the pool at the W Hotel in Westwood while he's flirting with Heather the hot British chick.

He approached Sloan to say hello. It was awkward. Always is. The dialogue went like this:

E: "Sloan, this is Juliette."

Heather: "Heather."

E: "Wow. Really."

It continued from there, but you get the point. It always happens that way. You never get anything right the first time you run into an ex, except of course for the ex's name.

Why?

By Mark La Monica

It had been a crazy seven-day, 489-hour week of work for me, one of those weeks where you know on Tuesday that the only time you'll have to relax is on Sunday night at 10 p.m.

Praying for a memorable 30-minute break from reality (OK, 25-27 minutes) the past six days, the good people of "Entourage" answered those prayers.

They delivered with one of those random plotline episodes (except for Ari Gold and the private school) that maximizes the escapism I was seeking.

So, here we go with random thoughts from this episode, the title of which does not agree with Best Printable Line guidelines.

By Mark La Monica

He makes things happen. Some bad, some good, all hilarious.

He says a lot of things. Some bad, some good, all hilarious.

He shows emotion. Some bad, some good, all hilarious.

He's Ari Gold, our Sunday night savior.

By Mark La Monica

Time to pony up with the truth, people. Which number was greater on Sunday night: the number of times you watched Turtle's impersonation of Harvey or the number of ribs you broke from laughing so hard the first time you saw it?

We'll wait . . .

. . .

. . . Now, if you claim you did neither of the two, you're lying through your plaque-filled teeth and we'd all prefer if you left here and read something else. I hear there's a script for the remake of "Leonard, Part 6" floating around. Is that something you might be interested in?

Turtle's impersonation of overbearing Hollywood heavyweight/big galoot Harvey was dead-on non-strikes accurate. And hilarious. And comic genius. And the symbol of an episode that can be considered a throwback to the old days of "Entourage."

By Mark La Monica

Drama reminded us men of the uber-importance of having a good wingman. A broham who will do whatever it takes to get the job done . . . for the other guy.

It's the mark of a true friend.

Turtle reminded us men that at some point in life, you have to be on Ready 5 when it comes to hooking up a close friend with a hookup. Most wingman operations are planned in advance, which adds to the dedication and importance of the craft.

Of course, Turtle the wingman wound up winning out while Drama the lead pilot had a grenade jump on him. Despite what you may read in Penthouse forum, that never happens in real life. The wingman never wins like that (except when Iceman can't get the shot and Maverick has to step in). Nor should he. That's not his job. It's a flagrant violation of broham-dom. That's like telling your friend that pink shirt he's wearing is cool and the girl with the webbed feet and no ear lobes he's dating is smoking hot.

There's an art to being a good wingman. We here at "Entourage, the blog" will attempt to put forth a few good rules to help you perfect your skills at helping your friend get the girl.

By Mark La Monica

Walken needed more cowbell. La Monica needs more Billy Walsh.

It's a fair request. The "Entourage" creators and writers haven't done much with his character in the past, so there's plenty there to develop. There's a reason they brought him back in Seasons 3 and 4.

That reason is because he's hilarious. At a time when the Drama comedy schtick is slowly becoming stagnant (it's sad to admit that), Billy Walsh is that new kid in school with the weird accent. You can't help but want to talk to him just to hear him speak.

Walsh's disdain for E is kinda funny. Even funnier is his commitment to that hatred every episode he's in. Gotta admire that type of dedication. And as he continues to go mad with the post-production work on "Medellin," Walsh maintains that anger toward "Suit."

I had decided to dress as Spanish-speaking army man Johnny Drama for Halloween this year. Then, Walsh imported a streetwalker from Colombia. Pure brilliance, for the character, that is. And that solidified me growing my hair out by October 31 so I can go as Billy Walsh. (Think about it: It's a license to curse and disrespect anyone in your way. Ah ha!)

We can all sympathize with Walsh right now, which makes his character that much more appealing. Who among us hasn't had a monster project at work or in school to complete quickly and felt the pressure coming from all sides? It's a fact of life.

Heck, my freshman year in college, I had five finals in six days. By the fourth day, I could have sworn Wicket the Ewok from "Return of the Jedi" was sitting next to me in the library as I studied.

In keeping with the study metaphor, let's recap briefly:

More Billy Walsh!

Of course, there's that little matter of Wally Balls, just in case you needed more ammunition to love Billy Walsh.

More this week:
Thursday: Pick Mrs. Ari's first name
Friday: Ari Gold Parenting 101

By Mark La Monica

I have not yet experienced the joy of fatherhood, which is more the fault of the ladies who I talk to not wanting to talk to me. Such is life. Their loss.

However, I was thoroughly intrigued by the quagmire Ari Gold found himself in for this episode. He and Mrs. Ari (who is dangerously gorgeous, by the way) were trying to get their son, Jonah, into Briar Country Day School.

The lengths at which Ari went to to pull some strings were lengthy, from blackmailing his dentist buddy by mentioning his cumare to spitting off his monetary contributions to the headmaster of the school and offering to give more.

I imagine all the fathers and mothers out there reading this right now are saying to themselves, "That's exactly what I would have done."

I, too, am saying that although I don't have the luxury of looking at a photo of my son in a Little League uniform while saying that. Yet, I want to believe I would do exactly what Ari Gold did, which was whatever's necessary for my children. (However, I can confirm I would also have pulled my other child out of that same school. That's just good business.)

My question here is for all the parents out there. How far would you go for your children?

E-mail me your comments at mark.lamonica@newsday.com and this Friday, we'll post your responses.

OK, so maybe parenting is slightly unexpected for this space, but that's the beauty of this episode: Character development. The Turtle-Drama party planning isn't new. Funny, but not new. The storylines with Mr. and Mrs. Ari are new. And good.

Here's a brief parental history on "Entourage:"
- Mama Chase, terrified of flying, got on a plane to L.A. for the "Aquaman" premiere in Season 3.
- Ari doted on his daughter at her bat mitzvah in Season 2.
- Terrance offered a job to his daughter's boyfriend, E, in Season 2.
- Turtle's mom wore an adidas jumpsuit on the tarmac in Season 3.

(OK, that last one had nothing to do with the theme of this column, but it's still funny a year later.)

Coming this week
Tuesday: We need more Billy Walsh
Thursday: Pick Mrs. Ari's first name
Friday: Your parental responses

By Mark La Monica

For a fella, everything in life comes down to a girl. Always.

What we wear. What we say. What we do. It's always about the girl. Either we're trying to get the girl, or we're trying to keep the girl.

It's not a bad thing, except when that quest leads us to interrogate an entire film crew like Billy Walsh did. (Early running for Joshie consideration as Best Scene, by the way).

Think about the things in your world right now. How many of them can you truly say is for or about you? That shirt you just bought, yeah, you bought it to look good for the ladies at the club. That painting, guy, c'mon. We all know why you ponied up the cash. And we all know why you learned how to cook.

Now think about this: Despite what George Lucas says, the entire Star Wars saga boiled down to a girl. That's right. If Anakin Skywalker didn't possess such powerful feelings of love toward Padme, the force would never have been disturbed.

Ninety percent of the music you listen to is about relationships. Some dude on a quest for the love of a girl.

So, when Billy Walsh struggled to write the ending to "Medellin" and subsequently became even crazier than normal in the Season 4 premiere of "Entourage," we all felt his pain. We've all been there, pining away for a girl. It stings even more when she's pining for anyone or anything but you.

The romantics among us chase this notion that a woman's love gives a man his soul and lifts his spirits to unimaginable heights. It's a noble cause, one definitely worth chasing.

When a man works and lives in the presence of his muse, he can do anything. When he loses that muse, his powerful inspiration for life, he crumbles. Remember when Mandy Moore crushed Vince for a second time?

For a fella, everything in life comes down to a girl. Always.

By Mark La Monica

Boom!

That's how you open up a brand new season of "Entourage."

To quote Jimmy Conway (Robert DeNiro) in the "Goodfellas" scene where Henry Hill pays Paulie his tribute, "It's gonna be a good summer."

After an up-and-down Season 3.5, the boys came back strong and full of original stuff. Season 3.5 dragged a bit. It felt a little dated, since the episodes were shot more than a year before they aired.

Not so anymore. Billy Walsh had an expanded role. And in talking with Rhys Coiro (the actor who plays Billy Walsh) last week at the New York premiere, that's something we can expect in Season 4. More Billy Walsh! Seriously, don't we all need a little more Billy Walsh in our lives.

That character is turning into a gem. I fully expect every one of my readers to morph into Billy Walsh this week at work. When your boss asks you where that report is or why you didn't do something yet, if you don't respond with "Percolating, suit!" please stop reading this space. The judges will also accept "Percolating!" as a fair response and award your points accordingly.

Fat Vincent Chase is hilarious. He looked like former Saturday Night Live cast member Horatio Sanz trying out for a remake of The Beastie Boys' video for "Sabotage."

We even got to see Adrian Grenier acting as Vincent Chase acting as Pablo Escobar. That was kinda cool. And, any time Drama speaks in a foreign language, it bankrupts insurance companies from all the broken rib cases in the emergency room. Instant hilarity.

The idea to do the first episode as a behind-the-scenes documentary made for intriguing viewing. It had all the elements that we've come to expect from the show: Turtle-Drama comedy, E-Vince work dynamics, Ari Goldisms and a real plot line. Mixing in this new way to present those elements helped us not even realize until the end that the actual episode ran 28 minutes.

Keep it up, dear Entourage creators, producers, writers, directors and actors. A strong beginning.

Coming Tuesday: "It's Always About The Girl"
Coming Wednesday: Video interviews from red carpet