Entourage: Let's Blog It Out

By Mark La Monica

I didn't really get upset about the week off from Entourage. At least, not until Tuesday night.

On this night, I offered to lend a proofreader's eye to PhD friend Lina on part of her thesis. By no means am I intelligent enough to offer insightful comments about a PhD thesis, especially one in history, but I can catch a typo or a missing comma like nobody's business.

The topic had to do with the history of Colombia, or at least I think it did. Again, I'm not that intelligent. However, life threw me a bone on page 13 of 24. There it was, in regular type, 12-point, Times New Roman font.

Medellin.

I put the paper down and laughed. Culture shock. How did Entourage wind up in a history thesis?

Oh yeah, Medellin isn't just a movie script on a television show. Still, it was funny.

Note: Paul Haggis and Vincent Chase were nowhere to be found in the thesis, which is probably a good thing for PhD friend Lina.

But here in Entourage, the blog, I thought it was worth a few paragraphs of our time.

By Mark La Monica

The voters have spoken, albeit much quieter than the last time. Such is life. The winner of the Best Printable Line for Episode 7 of Season 3.5 is Kelly, Rufus' daughter.

Her bomb carried the way for the readers of "Entourage, the blog" in what was an average episode.

While hooking up with Turtle in the car, she asked what his real name is.

"What, you think I'd have sex with someone saying 'Oh Turtle!'?"

The results make the Season 3.5 finale on June 3 that much more important. Drama and E are tied for the Big Knish Award, given to the character with the most BPLs in a season.

Drama won the title in Seasons 1 and 2, and Turtle and Ari shared it in Season 3. Can Drama get the hat trick? Or will E sneak up and claim his first crown? Or can Turtle cause a three-way tie atop the BPL standings?

Best Printable Line Standings
(with one week left)

Drama 2
E 2
Turtle 1
Sloan 1
Kelly 1
Ari 0
Vince 0

By Mark La Monica

We'll waste no time and dive right into this week's nominees for Best Printable Line.

1) Johnny Drama, after telling the guys he was just offered a part in "Rush Hour 3" without having to audition.

"Johnny Drama don't shine shoes no more."

2) Turtle, moments after Drama's line above

"I knew my life would suck if Drama got a career before I did."

3) Johnny Drama, after Brett Ratner tells him the only parts he has left for "Rush Hour 3" are French part.

"Je pas francais."

4) Kelly, while hooking up with Turtle in the car and asking what his real name is.

"What, you think I'd have sex with someone saying 'Oh Turtle!'?"

By Mark La Monica

I was once asked Jerry Ferrara if he'd ever get a last name on the show. He wondered what his first name would be.

Then comes Kelly, daughter of Rufus the home video solutions/auto repair man. She inquires about his first name.

Turtle hesitates.

Earlier, she asked him to take his hat off. Turtle laughed.

Those two scenes combined to earn this week's Writer Props. Small and subtle scenes, but in the bigger picture of the series, brilliant.

By Mark La Monica

That's right, folks. To quote Daniel LaRusso, "It's coming around again."

It's another chance for our loyal "Entourage, the blog" readers to decide the Best Printable Line for Episode 7 of Season 3.5.

All the same rules apply. The nominees will be posted shortly after 11 p.m. on Sunday, May 20. You'll then have 25 hours to cast your ballot. Vote once, vote twice, vote 300 times. Whatever you want.

When the clock hits midnight on Monday night, the polls close.

Then, Tueday morning, we'll announce the winner.

Best Printable Line Standings
(with two weeks left)

Drama 2
E 2
Turtle 1
Sloan 1
Ari 0
Vince 0

By Mark La Monica

Season 4 of Entourage begins on June 17. But there's a bye week on May 27, Memorial Day weekend.

Not much we can do about that. But, there's still a way to have some fun leading up to Season 4.

It is my honor to proudly announce the inaugural Joshie Awards, celebrating excellence in "Entourage" performance.

The award name stems from the "Busey and the Beach" episode of Season 1. In this particular scene, Ari Gold shows up at a party in Malibu and completely undresses his former assistant turned agent Josh Weinstein. To add even more insult, Ari calls him "Joshie." And so a legend was born. It's truly golden television.

Here's the scene, just in case you don't remember.

The categories for the first Joshie Awards, which will include all episodes from Season 1 through Season 3.5, are:

Best Ari Gold moment
Best Johnny Drama meltdown
Best On-location Setting
Best Lady friend of Vince's
Best Turtle-Drama hijinks
Best Character You Want to See More of
Best Guest Star
Best Individual Scene
Best Episode

Oh yeah, by the way, who wins is entirely up to you, dear readers. We will announce the nominees at noon on Tuesday, June 5. You will then have a week to vote in the polls. We'll shut down the voting at noon on Tuesday, June 12.

Then, on Friday, June 15, just in time to get you pumped for Season 4, we'll announce the winners of the first Joshies.

By Mark La Monica

Before you get to the Best Printable Line, Writer Props and more from Sunday's night episode below, we at Entourage, the blog have an announcement to make.

Well, really, it's more like an announcement of an annoucement. But, why argue over semantics?

Peep this little nook of Web escapism after your lunch break this Wednesday and Friday for two major Entourage, the blog announcements.

Here's a hint for Friday: The BPL for Episode 7 may or may not be in the hands of the readers again. Then again, Medellin is on again. And off again. And then on again. So, please, keep me employed and check out what happens this Friday.

We now return you to your normally scheduled blogcast.

By Mark La Monica

Typically, when you avoid work on Mondays to read this space, you find the BPL, Writer Props and a specific riff on something from Sunday night's episode.

Today, we switch it up a bit. Don't worry, the BPL and Writer Props aren't going anywhere. But rather than blog it out about one specific thing, we're going to hit you up with random thoughts off a show where quite a bit happened. And here we go:

(NOTE: "Sopranos" spoiler at the end, just in case you didn't watch it yet this week)

* The feeling here is that episode will serve as the jumping-off point for major plot developments in Season 4. Only Doug Ellin and the cast know for sure, though.

* It's time for the writers to create a new movie title for Vince to pursue.

* Drama's "Victory" scream at the Grand Canyon has me searching Orbitz for flights out there. A watershed moment for those of us in the Drama Club.

* I never thought I'd see two people spark a relationship over sneakers. Clearly, we've all been looking for love in all the wrong places. Someone call Mars Blackman. It's gotta be the shoes!

* Prediction: Lloyd is going to become an agent at Miller Gold soon and work magic for Drama's career.

* Prediction: E is going to manage Drama's career.

* L.A. friend Skirts read for the part of Variety writer Paul Schneider. Here's a snippet of an email he sent late last week:

Thought of your blog today. It was a bittersweet moment for Skirts today. I read for the part of the TV reviewer who hates Drama's new TV show in next week's episode of Entourage, but I didnt get the part. They went with some nerdy looking guy.

Tough break, Skirts. You would have killed in that role.

* Carla Gugino is hot (even hotter in real life as I learned at the "Gardener of Eden" world premiere at Tribeca Film Festival, but I didn't miss her this week on the show. It's strangely comforting to have Ari back in the driver's seat.

* What job will Rufus have next? First he pimped home video systems, now he's pimping rides. Is his daughter next?

* Turtle as a girl's boyfriend is making a serious bid for "inherently funny" status. (Right now, it's just chimps, midgets, farting, people falling down and Johnny Drama).

* Vince and E as producers is an interesting turn for the show to take. Let's see if they stick with it.

Here's the spoiler alert, for those of you who read over it the first time 

 * I'm still a little shocked that Christopher Moltisanti died an hour earlier.

By Mark La Monica

This week was a tight contest, with random un-named characters challenging for a place on the Best Printable Line leaderboard.

But we had to throw a bone to Turtle for his dig mid-show on Drama. The race for the Big Knish is tight with just two episodes remaining in Season 3.5.

After he wrecked the freshly refurbished car for Drama, he pleads with Rufus (formerly of Home Video Solutions) to fix it for him ASAP.

"This isn't even for me," he said. "This is for Drama. You know Drama. You know what a sad life it's been for him."

That stings.

Best Printable Line Standings
(with two weeks left)

Drama 2
E 2
Turtle 1
Sloan 1
Ari 0
Vince 0

By Mark La Monica

Operating under the governance of "Best Printable Line," i.e., not repeating curses or things like that on this family Web site, we can't delve too deeply into the hilarity of "the scene" in the massage parlor.

However, feel free to know that whatever you were thinking about that scene (including the subtlety of Drama's hand placement), I was too.

By Mark La Monica

Since "Entourage" began in 2004, Johnny Drama has always found himself in strange places. And no matter how strange those places are, someone seems to know him.

It was no different in this episode as Drama and some dude exchange quick greetings at the massage parlor.

Perfectly done by the script makers, and winner of this week's Writer Props.

By Mark La Monica

Judging by the increased ratings for the show, all its branched-off marketing deals and the ever-increasing readership and community being constructed in this blog, "Entourage" has hit a nerve with us.

It has accomplished the very thing all television shows seek: a place in the mainstream vernacular of Americans.

Seriously, how many times do you quote Drama or Ari in everyday life? And can you watch SportsCenter anymore and not hear Scott Van Pelt scream out "Victory!!!"? And if Google and YouTube didn't exist, how would we ever get through Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons at the office?

As I watched the most recent episode -- again -- last night, I began to wonder if there's such a thing as "Entourage Overdose."

Overdose not in that "This is my new favorite song and I'm going to listen to it every four minutes for the next month and then I'll hate it after that."

But, rather, overdose in the sense that there's only a finite number of total viewings of "Entourage" that one man can endure before he quits his job, packs up the car and drives off to California. Or at the very least, quits the career and goes to manage a Sbarro's.

We love life at 10 p.m. on Sunday night. About 28 minutes later, we want to shave our heads, throw the television in the street and shred what we once thought of as "nice" clothes. That's the beauty of the show.

There just may come a Monday morning when Entourage, the blog's thousands of readers log on to find out the Best Printable Line and more from the show and see nothing but a photo of a slice of pizza from Sbarro's and the Santa Monica pier.

By Mark La Monica

Just a quick question.

How much longer can we hear about "Medellin" before Vince finds another movie to do?

OK, just one more question.

How much longer can this guy go without working? Seriously, doesn't he need a job soon? "Aquaman" isn't out on DVD yet, and he doesn't appear to be investor-savvy, so how much of that "Aquaman" paycheck is left?

By Mark La Monica

Johnny Drama appears to be hitting his stride with the mighty lines that leave us temporarily crippled from laughter.

While at Del Mar's racetrack playing the ponies with the boys, Vince learns he has another shot at landing the lead role in "Medellin."

E works with Ari to help set up a meeting at Ari's temple with the co-executive producer and Amanda.

She hesitates about going to the temple on the holiest day of the Jewish religion.

Turtle interjects and says "She'll go to temple for Vince."

Drama fires back: "She'd go to the Gaza Strip in a yarmulke for Vince."

Best Printable Line Standings
(with three weeks left)

Drama 2
E 2
Sloan 1
Ari 0
Vince 0
Turtle 0

By Mark La Monica

Ari Gold is operating once again, this time at temple during Yom Kippur services. Mrs. Ari catches him using a cell phone outside the temple.

In her strict (yet sexy) delivery, she demands possession of Ari's phone. And his secret bat phone.

Now, that double-secret probation phone could have been hidden anywhere on Ari's person. His other jacket pocket. His belt. Up his sleeve.

But no! He digs it out from his sock, a subtle furtherance of sleezy/lovable Ari Gold. It was the perfect placement for Ari's phone, and thus earns Week 5 Writer Props.

By Mark La Monica

"Maybe you can have it all."

That's the tagline associated with Season 3.5 of "Entourage."

Here's a little story to let you know that I can't have it all. That the closest I'll ever get to having it all is 27 minutes (or less) for at least 24 more Sundays.

I rolled into the Replay store in SoHo for the launch party for their new line of Replay organic jeans. (Crazy soft denim which, by the way, is made from natural organic cotton denim and other "green" products.) After I paid my respects to DMC, one half of pioneer rap group Run-D.M.C. who showed up three seconds after me as if we came in the same adidas, my hookup at the door ran down the list of celebs already in the house and those expected to arrive shortly.

"Emmanuelle's here already," Jono said.

I looked at his list. There it was, in boldface type with a checkmark next to it. Emmanuelle, followed by Chriqui. This party's picking up!

My hookup ripped off a few other names, none of which made it to the listening comprehension section of my brain. No disrespect to Jono, but he could have just stopped at Chriqui. I certainly did.

Now, I've never hidden my opinions on Miss Chriqui being among the most perfectly beautiful women floating around this little planet of ours. And I won't hide it now. She's make-you-mad hot.

Armed with this knowledge, my ultra-observant eyes scanned every part of the top floor of the Replay store. No luck.

I made the quick beeline downstairs to scout out the unsurveyed bottom floor of the Replay store. And to snag a few drinks. No luck on the Chriqui front. Plenty of luck on the drinks front.

Armed with this liquid courage, I decided to return upstairs and continue my search. I even boycotted the elevator and took the one flight of stairs. Couldn't chance missing an accidental passing in the stairs just to save some energy for Thursday's softball league opener.

At this point, I began to think about what I would say if I "accidentally bumped into her." I had nothing. "Damn, you're hot" didn't seem too smooth. Nor did, "Hey, Sloan" or "Ms. Chriqui, I write this Entourage blog. Care to hook me up with an exclusive interview?"

As I scoured my small brain for the memorable line, I spotted Emmanuelle checking out some jeans. I then severed a kidney and ripped my ACL to shreds just looking at her.

We made eye contact -- in my mind.

Within 10 seconds of spotting her, she rolled out of the store with a fella she was with.

Some things in life just aren't fair.

Maybe some people can have it all. Me, I got 10 seconds.

The good people of KTLA had a sit-down with Rex Lee, known the world over as Ari Gold's assistant, Llooooooooooooooooyd, on "Entourage."

Enjoy.

By Mark La Monica

Late last week, we posted our video interview with Kevin Connolly at Tribeca Film Festival discussing "Gardener of Eden," the first feature film he directed. (If you missed it, click here to watch.)

This week, we've got the outtakes for your viewing pleasure. Actually, it's just one outtake, but it's pretty funny. Listen closely to the background and you'll hear two or three loud noises, which elicits a response from Connolly.

It's a pretty funny scene from a genuinely nice guy.