By Mark La Monica
I first was introduced to "The List" several years ago in the pool at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas. My first reaction was "This is stupid." Clearly, that was the rum talking because this is a great game to play with significant others.
Great . . . until the significant other actually accomplishes the mission and then tells you about it. Now, you may be thinking "Why the hell would I tell the person I'm with about this?" Well, what's the point of making a list of celebrities it's OK to sleep with when you're in a serious relationship if you can't talk about it when it happens?
It's all fun and games until someone loses his or her Celebrity List cherry. Then it's just plain painful. Imagine being the dude who comes home and hears "Honey, I just slept with Vincent Chase right here in the same bed you and I sleep in every night, but it's cool because he was on my list" from the woman he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with. Gee, that's about as precious and heartwarming as slamming your package in the glove compartment.
Watching the scene when the girl tells Vince she's getting married is equal parts id-satisfying fantastic and soul-damaging brutal. "The List" is so far-fetched in reality that when you see or hear someone accomplish it, you have to admire it. But the word "married" and its various grammatical cousins should still be something of nourishment for our moral fabric. If you watch closely, Vince's expression includes a bit of disappointment and shock when hearing the news of the girl's pending nuptials.
That being said, let's have a little fun. We'll assume Turtle and Drama could hold a steady girlfriend in order to activate "The List" and hypothesize for the entire crew. (Top five listed alphabetically).
Vince*
Halle Berry
Jennie Finch
Angelina Jolie
Maria Sharapova
Charlize Theron
* It's about as fair as a baseball hit behind the plate for this guy to have a list, but fun is fun. And I'm all for equal rights.
Drama
Diane Lane
Julia Roberts
Mia Sara
Brooke Shields
Sloan (E's girlfriend)
E
Mischa Barton
Paris Hilton
Susan Lum (think waaaaay back!)
Suchin Pak
Tori (Sloan's friend)
Turtle
Drew Barrymore
Jenna Jameson
Lil Kim
Jessica Simpson
Sloan (E's girlfriend)
Geography plays a key role in the game. In the 2005 U.S. census, 99.2 percent of Americans reported still holding on to unchecked lists. That successful 0.8 percent all live in or around Hollywood.
In the interests of fairness and full disclosure, I shall reveal my top five because I want you all to use the comments on this blog to submit your list. We will compile those results and produce the official "Entourage, the blog List," so feel free to forward this around to your friends. All genders are invited to participate.
Jessica Alba
Lindsay Lohan
Jennifer Lopez
Madonna
Michelle Rodriguez
Your turn!
Comments (44)
Monica Bellucci
Scarlett Johansson
Rachel Weisz
Anne Hathaway
Jennifer Garner
(in that order)*
It's hard to only pick five...
1. Prince
2. Johnny Depp
3. Gael Garcia Bernal
4. Jeremy Piven
5. Joaquin Phoenix
Natalie Portman
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Sarah Michelle Geller
Jessica Biel
Eliza Dushku
Nikki Cox
Soleil Moon-Frye
Tiffani Theissen
Becky Slater
Shannon Elizabeth
Deborah Gibson
Salma Hayek
Jenny McCarthy
Roselyn Sanchez
Kate Beckinsale
scarkett johansson
lindsay lohan
angelina jolie
jennifer love hewitt
rachel mcadams
Mark -
I think your list is missing someone... SLOAN!!
Justin Timberlake
George Clooney
Jake Gyllenhal
Heidi Klum and/or Gisele*
*yes, you read correctly.
Charlize Theron
Kate Beckinsale
Bridgette Wislon-Sampras
Angelina Jolie
Scarlett Johansson
(In no particular order)
Elisha Cuthbert
Paris Hilton
Cassie
Kim Cattrall
Cheryl Tweedy
Sandra Bullock
Heather Mitts (soccer player)
Natalie Portman
Rachel McAdams
Ziyi Zhang (crouching tiger)
jessica biel
stacy keibler
rachel mcadams
vanessa minnillo
jessica simpson
Since Sloan and Tori aren't really celebrities, should they be on the list?
1. Elisha Cuthbert
2. Jessica Alba
3. The black chick from the "Bacardi and Cola" commercial titled "A Little Help."
4. Sloan
5. The brunette from the North Shore Animal League commercial.
1. Jessica Alba
2. Scarlett Johansson
3. Ziyi Zhang
4. Bai Ling
5. Gong Li
(notice a pattern?)
Mischa Barton
Natalie Portman
Elisha Cuthbert
Tiffani Amber Thiessen
Mary Louise Parker
In preferential order:
1. Scarlett Johanssen
2. Carmen Electra
3. Rachel Mcadams
4. Salma Hayek
5a. Shakira
5b. Natalie Portman
1. Jennifer Love Hewitt
2. Jennifer Connelly
3. Krista Allen
4. Nikki Cox
5. Katherine Heigl
Mark Lamonica
Mark Lamonica
Mark Lamonica
Mark Lamonica
Mark Lamonica
maybe in the pool at Mandalay Bay...
Marisa Tomei
Eva Longoria
Eliza Dushku
Elisa Cuthbert
Rachel McAdams
Captain Redundant,
that was funny. not beyond hilarious, but still funny.
- La Monica
Carmen Electra
Elisha Cuthbert
Jessica Alba
Nikki Cox
the girl in the deodorant old spice commercial..you know shes hot!
this in no order...
Ali Landry
Erica Durance
Catherine Bell
Rose McGowan
Scarlett Johansson
too many Scarlett Johansson's on the list (including mine), and, amazingly, not one Keira Knightley. and p.s. the pool at Mandalay is not good for doing anything, what with those freaking lifeguards yelling at you every five seconds to "get the hell back behind the line!!!"....
Everyone loves the same flavor of the month celebrities, many with no talent other than their looks. That's fine, but how about someone who might be remembered in ten years?
Also, don't good looking women have a serious advantage of achieving someone on their lists as celebrity guys will generally bang anyone hot, while even the best looking/funniest/richest guys are shut out. Given that, men's lists should be at least 20 times longer than women's lists to be fair.
And with all past, present and further to do, here's 5*...
Sheena Easton
Julianne Moore
Toni Braxton
Penelope Ann Miller
Diamond and Pearl (Prince's former dancers- they work in tandem*)
1. Kate Beckinsale
2. Elisha Cuthbert
3. Pam Anderson
4. Jennifer Aniston
5. Tiffany Amber Thiessen
no order but best all at once!
Jessica Alba
Salma Hayek
Ashley Judd
Mercury girl Jill Wagner
Christie Turlington
Wow, what a group of hotties.
1. Melina(WWE)
2. jennifer Lopez
3. Brttany Spears
4. Paris Hilton
5. angelina
1.Gabrielle Anwar
2.Jennifer Connelly
3.Scarlett Johansson
4.Jamie-Lynn DiScala
5.Mena Suvari
(no particular order)
Scarlett Johansson
Angelina Jolie
Carmen Electra
Jessica Simpson
Gisele B.
Stacy Valentine
Jenny McCarthy
Heidi Klum
Christy Brinkly
Salma Hayek
Jennifer Aniston
Charlie Zimmerman
Charlie Zimmerman
Charlie Zimmerman
Charlie Zimmerman
Charlie Zimmerman
Scarlett Johannson
Lindsay Lohan
Jessica Simpson
Jessica Alba
SLOAN!!!
Tell me why the list can only be 5 people long? I can't believe I havent seen more Jennie Finch's on the list's
1. Jennie Finch
2. Jessica Simpson
3. Stacy Keibler
4. Jennifer Lopez
5. Maria Bello
Jessica Alba
Anna Kournikova
Rachel Bilson
Jamie Pressley
Elisha Cuthbert
1. Johnny Depp
2. George Clooney
3. Matt Czuchry
4. Ewan McGregor
5. Ralph Fiennes
6. Jake Gyllenhaal
7. LLOYD!!!!!!!!!
Jessica Biel
Eva Mendes
Kristen Bell
Jamie Pressley
Diane Lane
1.Chris Webber
2.Nick Lachey
3.George Clooney
4.TI
5.Dwayne Wade
1. Rebecca Romijn (Why isn't she on any other Lists?)
2. Halle Berry
3. Rose McGowan
4. Vanessa Marcil
5. Salma Hayek
Hon. mention: Kate Winslet, Gong Li, Mary-Louise Parker, Maggie Cheung, Jennifer Lopez
Phyllis Diller
Cloris Leachman
Kathy Bates
Ann Margret
Kaye Ballard
1. Diane Lane
2. Rachel McAdams
3. Amanda Peet
4. Rebecca Romijn
5. Charlize Theron
But...
Diane Lane is tops!
Halle Berry
Rebecca Romijin
Gabrielle Union
Kellita Smith
Jill Marie Scott
this is in the order in which they popped into my brain. Obviously if I came anywhere close to meeting these women, let alone sleep with them, placement on my 'list' is irrelevant.
honorable mentions Rachel True Janet Jackson Essence Atkins, Golden Brooks, Heather Locklear, Lisa Raye McCoy, Vivica Fox, Tyra Banks, Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek, Mariah Carey, oh and just about every woman who has appeared on television and/or in movies.
Richard Gere
Colin Farrell
Ben Affleck
George Clooney
Newsday's Mark LaMonica
(In Reverse Order - Letterman Style)
Theese are the best celebrity women I can think of...
Rachael McAdams
Jennifer Aniston
Jenniffer Connely
Hallie Barry
Natalie Portman
and the male celebrity.... Owen Wilson at best!!!
..but that's just my opinion.
1. Josh Beckett
2. Johnny Depp
3. Bono
4. Gilbert Arenas
5. Taye Diggs
Penelope Cruz
Jessica Alba
Halle Beri
Vida Guerra
Christina Aquilera
It's Sara Lum not Susan Lum by the way.
Scarlet Johannson
Jessica Alba
Eliza Dushku
Laura Ramsey
Sloan