The TV Zone

Uh - someone who's as famous as me won "Celebrity Apprentice" last night.

Which is another way of saying - someone you never heard of won "Celebrity Apprentice" last night.

I'd like to tell you who it was, but - being that he's so non-famous - I can't quite recall who it is.

Good God, why didn't Trumpster ask Britney to be in "Celebrity Apprentice?" If she'd won, then I'd remember the name - AND be able to run a bunch of pictures, of the kind of before/after variety (like maybe Britney with make-up, or Brit without.)

If someone from Long Island won, I'd have worked all night to write the story for today's "wood" (the front page.) But I don't think this Celebrity Apprentice has ever even been to Long Island; not sure he's even HEARD of it. (Note to self: Ask him in conference call later.)

OK, his name is Piers Morgan. He's a great guy, and raised over $500,000 for his chosen charity, Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund.

Anyway, I like Piers - or I should say, I'm jealous of Piers; he's a former journalist who's made quite a career for himself hosting reality game shows for his buddy Simon Cowell (note to self: Ask Piers during conference call how to get in touch with Simon, to find out how Newsday TV writer might get lucrative job as host of "America's Got Talent.")

Piers, a Brit, has been in a lot of shows, mostly on the other side of the Pond. My favorite titles: "You Can't Fire Me, I'm Famous," "Comic Relief: The Apprentice," "The Dame Edna Treatment," "Death of Celebrity" and "The Importance of Being Famous."

Alas, these last two lasted only one episode.

But I'd pay bucks for a look at "The Dame Edna Treatment."

So here's to you, Piers. You deserved to win last night. I only wish you were a celebrity. (Note to self: Ask Trumpster during conference call to please beg Britney Spears to join next season's edition of "Celebrity Apprentice." )

(Above: no, Britney Spears did not win "Celebrity Apprentice," but as you can see, she takes better pictures than the guy, left, who did.)

One more reason to look forward to 2008:

“The Apprentice” will be back... Or should we say the show’s latest incarnation, “The Celebrity Apprentice,” which debuts Jan. 3 at 9 p.m.

The “celebs” just announced by NBC include: Trace Adkins, Carol Alt, Stephen Baldwin, Nadia Comaneci, Tiffany Fallon, Jennie Finch, Nely Galan, Marilu Henner, Lennox Lewis, Piers Morgan, Omarosa, Tito Ortiz, Vincent Pastore, and Gene Simmons.

They’ll all face off for charity, by the way.

Donald Trump. WWE wrestling. Made for each other?

Apparently. The Trumpster and WWE mogul Vince McMahon are squaring off tonight on USA cable (8-10 p.m.) in a special Thursday edition of “Monday Night RAW.” (Video preview here.) They’re challenging each other to a “hair match” at the (of course) pay-per-view event WrestleMania 23, April 1 in Detroit.

One of the zillionaire camera hogs is supposed to go home bald when it’s all over. We wouldn’t put it past Trump to rip his hair out at the roots to get “The Apprentice” -- Nielsen’s 83rd ranked show -- back on America’s radar.

At the risk of adding to the current toxic overdose of Trumpism, we have to jump in and mention GSN’s new online Rosie vs. Trump game, where you can choose which of these motormouth annoyers you’d most like to virtually punch out. (Or pummel ’em both.) Be sure to employ such secret weapons as Rosie’s Tongue Lasher and Trump’s Killer Comb-over.

If you’re curious about Trump’s new L.A. “Apprentice,” but not eager to add to his (let’s hope anemic) ratings this time around, you can sneak an online peek of the first 20 minutes of Sunday’s season premiere at NBC.com.

Is that the whiff of desperation coming off the Donald’s well-coiffed head?

Details about the new season of “The Apprentice” were released today by NBC. It’s desperation enough that the show is gonna be set in LA this time (not exactly the Trumpster’s home turf), and reason enough for true-blue New Yorkers to tune out.

But what really grabbed our attention was the “twist” that the winning team will get to spend the night in a “luxurious” mansion (that’s NBC’s description; as opposed to an unfurnished mansion, we’re guessing) while the sad-sack losers will have to camp out in the backyard and use outdoor showers and portable toilets. It’s supposed to motivate the team to do better next week. Sounds to me more like “Survivor: Beverly Hills.”

Was it only three years ago that this was the show everybody was buzzing about?

The fun starts Jan. 7.