The TV Zone

Ascend with us, if you will, to the sub-basement of network TV, a locale several floors below the decrepit bargain basement where the nets have been living the past few weeks.

Here you'll find three new "alternative" shows just announced by CBS to fill in the holes. (Alternative to what? Commiting suicide?)

-- "Secret Talents of the Stars" features celebrities competing in a tournament-structured format to determine who has the best hidden talent. So now, we'll be able to see things like William L. Petersen being able to whistle while standing on one leg. (I'm making that up. I think.)

-- "Game Show in My Head" is a hidden camera game show in which contestants wear an earpiece as they go about life in the city and are instructed by the host back in the studio to do stunts. If the contestants can perform these stunts, they'll go home with big money.

-- "America's Top Dog" gives pets the chance to win big money for their owners. By doing what? Whistling while standing on one paw, we presume.

Boy, the air is really fetid down here in TV's sub-basement.

Showtime will again air a live late-night feed of corporate sibling CBS’ “Big Brother” competition. The nightly midnight-3 a.m. show starts on Showtime Feb. 12, when the annual summertime all-locked-up peepfest returns to CBS early, during sweeps month, showing us just how low the ongoing writers’ strike can drag us.

“Big Brother: After Dark” on Showtime is supposed to be hotter than the network hour, but many observers found last season's live feed simply duller. Consider it a herald of the fate that might befall us all if Hollywood editors went on strike!

They lost big, so they won big.

Bill Germanakos of Lynbrook worked off 164 pounds to take “The Biggest Loser” title on NBC’s Tuesday night competition, while his 40-year-old twin, Jim, won the weigh-in among previously eliminated contestants after dropping 186 pounds. [NBC photo above: Bill Germanakos, center, with brother Jim and family.]

Bill, a medical salesman who stands 5-feet-8, took home the $250,000 grand prize by going from 334 pounds to 170 over the eight-month production schedule for the 15-week series. Twin brother Jim, a Freeport police officer from Massapequa, earned $100,000 for dropping from 361 to 175, and losing 132 of those pounds at home after his fifth-episode elimination.

The Germanakos brothers, the first set of twins on “The Biggest Loser,” made a triumphant appearance on Wednesday’s “Today” show, saying they were inspired by their father passing away young at 57, as well by as the recent death of “a friend that was in our age group,” Bill told Ann Curry. “He left a houseful of kids, and it’s very upsetting. And then to know that we were on the path for an early death as well. It’s something, when we had an opportunity to go ahead and do this, it’s something that we jumped at.”

Both were members of the “underdog” black team, a surprise in-progress addition to the series, which normally features red and blue teams of six persons each. The competition’s final four contenders all came from the same team, another first. “We were the throwaways,” Bill said in celebratory video clips posted after his win at NBC.com, where he had become a favorite in viewer comments expressing support for his can-do attitude.

But it was that “throwaway” sting of rejection that prompted Bill to describe “the defining moment of my life as an obese person.” With daughter Adrienne standing beside him after his win, he told NBC.com about taking her to an amusement park and waiting in line an hour to ride the front car of a roller coaster. “And I didn’t fit. They tried so hard, it was painful, when I got up and we had to walk away with everyone looking at me.” He said that after the show’s “reveal” party, “We went right back to the amusement park, we got right on the roller coaster, and I proceeded to bring her on every roller coaster. Listen, I’ve been waiting 20 years for this.”

Bill used his “Today” appearance to thank his wife, Stephanie, and his kids, Adrienne, Luke and Hope, for all their support. Jim thanked his wife and three kids, too. Both encouraged other obese people to do whatever it takes to lose weight. “We needed help,” said Bill, “and we found the help.”

Not to mention reality TV fame. And a nice chunk of change, too.

When is enough enough? Apparently never. Here’s the latest brilliant brainstorm from VH1 – “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew,” due Jan. 10.

Brigitte Nielsen, Chyna, Daniel Baldwin, Jeff Conaway, Jessica Sierra, Jaimee Foxworth, Seth “Shifty” Binzer, Mary Carey and Ricco Rodriguez – and sorry, but I think the word “celebrity” is being abused in some of these cases – will detox and rehab at “a center in the Los Angeles area” described as “no-frills.”

Except for all those TV cameras celebs crave like another drug.

Eight episodes are promised, with Dr. Drew “aided in the process by his experienced and trusted staff of counselors,” VH1 says, “including registered nurses and other addiction experts.” I think “Maury” has those, too. Not impressed.

And is this some sort of trifecta for Brigitte? “The Surreal Life,” “Strange Love,” “Celebrity Rebab”? Is there a natural progression here? I’m suddenly ashamed to be a Dane.

Now here’s why it pays to go to so many press tour parties in search of the late-night insights you can glean with TV’s movers and shakers.

Mark Cuban was already my pick for the surprise of this season’s “Dancing With the Stars.” I’d seen the Dallas billionaire basketball-team owner (and HDNet operator) at a rockin’ “evening event” at the summer 2004 tour when he was promoting his short-lived ABC reality series “The Benefactor.” He and limelight-reluctant business partner/best bud Todd Wagner chatted up critics early, then hit the dance floor and stayed late. Like, till after the band went home and network staffers kicked out the post-midnight stragglers.

Granted, it was free-form rock dancing -- the only kind most critics can handle. (Whoa! Those ’70s disco steps!) But Cuban clearly felt at home, let loose and enjoyed himself. Among dozens of strangers. Who might well write about whatever moves he made.

He doesn’t care what we think. He cares what he enjoys doing. And he clearly enjoys “Dancing With the Stars,” bouncing back from a summer hip replacement with relish, commitment and competitive fire in last night’s first ballroom round.

So maybe he does care what we think. “We” being viewer voters who determine who stays and who goes. Notice how he turned on the charm last night -- not that dot-com maverick Cuban isn’t always the most genuine, down to earth and accessible billionaire you’re likely to meet. The 49-year-old boyishly goofed around in those backstage shots and gushed on stage about making his “little daughter” happy by doing well. Awww. Hear those phone votes ring. (Follow Cuban’s reactions on his popular “blog maverick.”)

Also, of course, Cuban was mean good on the dance floor with sassy Aussie partner Kym Johnson (previously saddled with Jerry Springer). He came off hard-working, surprisingly light on his feet, and gosh-darn exuberant. It was no mistake ABC’s “Dancing” producers saved his witty “King of the Road” turn for next-to-last.

Somebody had to balance out Wayne Newton.

The first “Dancing With the Stars” results show airs on ABC tonight at 9. Previous episodes stream online here.

[Above: ABC photo by Carol Kaelson.]

You’d think being a WWE wrestler would toughen you up. Doesn’t seem to have happened, though, for Ashley Massaro [at center of CBS photo, with bandana]. The East Northport native makes quite an impression, all right, on Thursday’s season premiere of “Survivor: China” (8 p.m. on CBS/2). Just not the best kind.

The buxom blonde shows up in fishnets and combat boots (and lip piercings), and immediately rolls up into a ball saying she’s sick. Her yellow-themed Zhan Hu tribe isn’t so healthy competitively, either, beset by disorganization, infighting and endless whining. The rival, red Fei Long tribe manages to suck it up through a drenching rain at what “Survivor” host Jeff Probst calls the “harsh and remote land” of China’s Lake of a Thousand Islands.

The opening scenic tour is grand indeed -- a 16th century Buddhist temple, the Great Wall, pandas and monkeys, bamboo rainforests. The tribes are even handed scrolls from which to read the ancient Chinese treatise “The Art of War,” in which neither they nor the show evinces much interest. As always, the castaways are busier sizing each other up and plotting strategy.

The show meanwhile dedicates its energy to creating “characters.” Shy/hunky southern gravedigger James. Laconic/older farmer “Chicken.” Shallow NYC waitress Courtney. Bossy Chinese-American Peih-Gee. Gay Mormon flight attendant Todd. And his unlikely confidant, macho/cunning poker player Jean-Robert Bellande [right rear of photo, in black shirt], who hails from Commack but now lives in Vegas (natch).

They’re as mixed a bunch as any, but hardly earth-shakers. And the season’s vaunted China location quickly devolves into ethnic banality. The suspense-boosting music carries a vaguely Asian sound as the teams carry heavy parade dragons through the swamp and over the drawbridge in their premiere-night challenge.

Sneak a video peek here.

Last night’s season finale of Sci Fi’s “Who Wants to Be a Superhero?” crowned Austin police detective Jarrett Crippin as America’s newest do-gooder: The Defuser.

Comics legend/host Stan Lee picked the 38-year-old Texan’s alter ego over runners-up Hyper-Strike and Hygena. The Defuser now gets his very own comic, written by Lee and published by Dark Horse Comics, plus a Shocker Toys action figure. He’ll also appear in a Sci Fi original movie.

Says Sci Fi, “Inspired by Batman and Captain America, Crippen created his character when he was a young boy. The Defuser is a loner and expert at gadgetry and invention. He performs at 110 percent, possessing enhanced speed, strength agility, reflexes, hearing and eyesight.”

Watch the season climax online here.

Sunday brings the final showdown on HGTV’s reality cult fave “Design Star” (9 p.m.). Queens' Kim Myles and San Francisco’s Todd Davis compete in “a fabulous exotic destination” to win viewer votes in polling that opens online Sunday night at 10 (and continues through Wednesday noon). Fans can vote via text message, too.

Last weekend’s final elimination episode repeats on HGTV tonight (Friday at 9) and tomorrow (Saturday at 6 p.m.). The winner gets his/her own series on HGTV and a spread in In Style Home magazine.

Here’s a little light reading to go with today’s Part 2 story on CBS’ controversial “Kid Nation” reality show, currently scheduled to premiere Sept. 19.

Our friends at The Smoking Gun have unearthed what they say is the contract parents were asked to sign before their kids could go live in a New Mexico ghost town under the tender loving care of TV producers looking for a hit.

It’s a 22-page feast of legalese that leaves the network and producers blameless for anything that might happen to the kiddos, despite the program taking place “in inherently danerous travel areas that may expose the Minor and other participants to,” among other things, crime, drowning and disfigurement.

Enjoy.

That's what celebrity-gossip-mongering site TMZ.com says. They've got the supposed list online for the new cast of twinkle-toed contestants hitting ABC Sept. 24.

Good thing billionaire Mark Cuban had that hip replacement.

This fall's "Dancing With the Stars" competitors were supposed to be announced by ABC on Wednesday's "Good Morning America."

Oops.

TMZ says these are them:
Aaron Carter
Wayne Newton
Mark Cuban
Jane Seymour
Tori Spelling
Jennie Garth
Floyd Mayweather Jr.
Lou Ferrigno
Nia Peeples
Richard Quest
Giselle Bundchen
Helio Castroneves
Sabrina Bryan
Mel B (not dancing, but playing a role on the show)

At least it can if you live in India. This story from London’s Observer is about a reality TV show that puts the likes of “Big Brother” and “The Bachelor” to shame.

“Scholar Hunt, Destination UK,” an Indian prime-time sensation, features teenagers competing for the chance to study at one of five British universities. “The programme is best described,” the Observer writes, “as ‘The Apprentice’ meets ‘The Weakest Link’ with a little of America's sleeper hit ‘Spellbound’ thrown in.”

Arvind Aradhya won a £45,000 ($90,000) scholarship to study engineering at Warwick University, after eight weeks of “demanding exams, tough interviews, a Mastermind-style quiz show, timed questions inside a glass chamber and a final showdown.”

The Observer story includes test questions to see how you’d measure up on “Scholar Hunt.” (I completely bombed out.)

To no one’s surprise, the winner of “America’s Got Talent” last night on NBC was ventriloquist Terry Fator. Watch the live announcement here, along with Fator’s performances and his message to his fans.

Fox’ much less viewed filmmaking competition “On the Lot” also ended Tuesday night. Its grand-prize DreamWorks contract went to Texas native Will Bigham. See his films here.

[Above: Series judge David Hasselhoff with winner Terry Fator and wife in NBC photo by Virginia Sherwood.]

CBS has announced the 40 kids it collected in a New Mexico “ghost town” this spring to create their own “Kid Nation” for a new fall “reality” series (premiering Wednesday, Sept. 19 at 8 p.m.).

Turns out no Long Island parents are among those who thought this was an awwwesome idea.

On CBS’ web site, you can now meet the cast -- I mean, real-life event participants. These kids aren’t actors, no, of course not. Then they’d have to “work” fewer hours and be paid a lot more. But the site’s promo reel -- which is all that CBS has shown to TV critics at this point, too -- reveals that young players can be just as savvy as adults when it comes to the incidents, attitudes and “roles” reality producers favor.

Which isn’t to say “Kid Nation” won’t be a huge hit, as many industry analysts are expecting. But should it be? That’s the question that came up for debate at the recent TV critics' press tour, where CBS executives and series producers defended the project.

More fuel on the fire: this new story from our sister-paper Los Angeles Times talking to some of the kids, parents and series skeptics.

America should be so lucky as to come up with a superb story like this one from the just-concluded season of “Britain’s Got Talent,” the Simon Cowell-produced series airing in our own version here as the summer hit “America’s Got Talent” (Tuesday nights at 8 on NBC).

The British winner crowned over the weekend is an opera-singing mobile phone salesman from Wales who couldn’t look dumpier if he tried. But when he opens his mouth? Pure magic.

Watch Paul Potts’ head-turning original audition (Simon Cowell smiles!), then his finals appearance, and finally see him being named winner. And hear the whole amazing tale in this NPR radio feature.

“Jericho” fans who’ve been rejoicing over the revival of their once-canceled fave now have another campaign to undertake -- getting new viewers to join them in watching the saga.

CBS announced it will repeat first-season episodes starting Friday, July 6, at 9 p.m. (with the series pilot), and those hours need to be seen before the continuing saga returns with new outings at midseason. Otherwise, how will newcomers know about The Bombs that sent up mushroom clouds and cut off small-town Jericho, Kansas, from the rest of the world? How would they keep straight the strong family relationships, heated rivalries, criminal conspiracies and political mysteries that made this human drama so riveting? [Right: Ashley Scott and Skeet Ulrich in CBS photo.]

On July 13, CBS airs its “Return to Jericho” first-half-season summary hour, followed by the intriguing backstory 12th episode, “The Day Before” (8-10 p.m.). Then the network plans to air episodes 13-22 weekly to bring everybody up to speed. (They’re all streaming online, too, at cbs.com.)

“Big Brother” is also on CBS’ summer slate, back with its eighth edition Thursday, July 5, for what the network is calling “a multi-platform summer.” Translation: The closed-doors reality competition airs this season not only on CBS (Tuesday at 9 p.m., Thursday at 8 p.m., Sunday at 8 p.m.), but also on the ShoToo digital channel in a supposedly uncensored nightly three-hour “Big Brother: After Dark” late-night live feed (midnight-3 a.m., seven days a week). There’ll also be plenty of “Big Brother” content online, including another live 24/7 subscription web feed, with other goodies at CBSmobile.com and cell phone providers. All the details in CBS’ press release here.

Clyde’s gone! Can Sanjaya be next?

This could be the week the banes of my competition-show-viewing finally exit the stage, clearing the way for more talented contenders to power toward May’s sweeps-month finals.

Clyde Drexler has been awful forever on ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars,” yet the gawky ex-NBAer somehow managed to hang on, despite my hopes (and predictions) every week that he’d be booted. I couldn’t figure out who this dull guy’s voting constituency was, as better hoofers like Leeza Gibbons (heroine of 50-year-old women) repeatedly finished below Drexler in viewer voting. Until last night. All right!

Now it’s gotta be Sanjaya’s turn. This year’s “American Idol” kewpie-doll seems to have been kept in the running on the Fox hit by crush-struck tween girls (and maybe some gay guys?) -- plus subversive votes from train-wreck gawkers enjoying the sheer spectacle of Hairboy Grinner’s dreadfulness (and “Idol’s” continued embarrassment).

Malakar absolutely stunk up the Fox show last night, turning in a “Something to Talk About” rendition so awful, it practically left Simon Cowell speechless. And you know how awful that has to be.

But it was a weird night. Perennial bottom-dweller Phil Stacey was amazingly good singing country. LaKisha Jones’ vocals were too weak, then too strong, and always disappointingly forced. Where Melinda Doolittle and Jordin Sparks were powerhouse perfect, Chris Richardson and Blake Lewis were bland and, as Simon judged Chris, “insignificant.”

Will Sanjaya once again dodge his well-deserved bullet? Stay tuned.

Go away, little boy! [Fox photo by Frank Micelotta.]

Last chance this week to qualify as a contestant for this summer’s “Big Brother” run on CBS.

Friday, April 20, is the deadline for applying via videotape to be a HouseGuest on camera 24 hours a day. Application forms and info are online here.

CBS wants to know who you are and what you’d include among the few items you’re allowed to bring into the lens-filled house on a Hollywood studio lot.

After videotape auditions close, in-person casting calls will continue through the first week of May -- just not in this area. If you’ll be in Grapevine, Texas, or Lincoln, Nebraska, you’re in luck . . .

Clyde The Glide must go! Ex-NBAer Clyde Drexler [right] is so awkward on the dance floor and so utterly personality-free in other segments of ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars” that he’s painful to watch.

But Drexler didn’t even land in the bottom two of last week’s voting. That (dis)honor went to GSN game hostess Shandi Finnessey and model Paulina Porizkova, who ended up getting the boot. I don’t get it. What’s Clyde’s constituency?

Constituency is the key to these viewer call-in verdicts. You gotta have your diehards. Never underestimate, for instance, the power of the tween girl -- the 9-to-14-year-old group that likely saved the butt of bumbling two-left-feeter Billy Ray Cyrus. His down-home country accent doesn’t hurt, but the swing vote goes to the pubescents who watch him play daddy weekly to real-life daughter Miley on Disney Channel’s tween blockbuster “Hannah Montana.”

Ten-year-old girls welded to their cell phones and giddy that anybody wants their opinion on anything are also the source of Sanjaya’s “American Idol” staying power. He’s dreeeeeeamy! Cute smile, tons o’ hair, young and hot yet non-threatening sexually -- your basic late-elementary teddy bear. And that’s a phase every generation goes through. Remember first-season idol survivor Justin Guarini? (Or Monkee Davy Jones, David Cassidy or Sanjaya hair-products predecessor Leif Garrett.)

“Dancing” star Apolo Anton Ohno [left] is kickin’ up a storm with talent and charisma, but he also fits the tween-girl bill entirely, so he'll be around for awhile there. Grown-up bubblegummers likely aid ex-“90210” dude Ian Ziering and former boy bander Joey Fatone (also getting the fat-one vote). Middle-aged boomers who hate being told they’re too old for anything are helping 50-year-old birthday girl Leeza Gibbons. “Charity campaigner” Heather Mills gets the disabled/bleeding heart vote. And you’d think sports fans would be calling in for boxer and kick-butt dancer Laila Ali.

But Clyde? Who’s keeping this dull-as-dishwater guy around? Tall folks?
[ABC photos by Carol Kaelson]

If only the producers of “Dancing With the Stars” would let host Tom Bergeron’s wicked wit loose on this one -- but you know they won’t.

Soon-to-be Paul McCartney-ex Heather Mills was one of the celeb contestants announced this morning for the new “Dancing” edition debuting on ABC March 19. The network’s press release describes Mills as “a United Nations Goodwill Ambassador and activist for Adopt-a-Minefield” and “the first contestant to compete with an artificial limb.” (Mills’ left leg was amputated below the knee after a 1993 traffic accident.)

Well, sure. That’s why we know her. Not from the ex-model’s much-publicized courtship and 2002 marriage to ex-Beatle tabloid magnet Paul McCartney. Not from the reams of column space devoted to their many public appearances, daughter’s 2003 birth, or messy May 2006 separation. Not from the gossip mills that have since run overtime about McCartney and Mills hurling insults and accusations, consulting lawyers used by Prince Charles and Princess Di, trading court filings, arguing financial settlements, and shepherding personal belongings out of formerly shared households under cover of darkness. ABC’s press release doesn’t mention McCartney’s name at all. (Wonder what their news department would have to say about that.)

“Dancing” ringmaster Bergeron may be known as an amiably mild-mannered tube personality, but like fellow onetime “America’s Favorite Home Videos” host Bob Saget, he’s actually possessed of a smart and stinging sense of humor that mainstream America just hasn’t seen. Saget recently let fly with a profane rant in the comic documentary “The Aristocrats,” after years of raunchy nightclub stand-up. And Bergeron is still fondly held by the few who caught his sharp sense of humor on the old FX morning show “Breakfast Time” (RIP, 1994-96), a wake-up delight far more concerned with relaxed wit than the political ax-grinding and showbiz shilling now filling the a.m. tube.

In any event, we can rely on ABC to keep Bergeron muzzled on this issue, which is too bad. Plenty of “Dancing With the Stars” fans will have no clue who they’re watching when Mills starts twirling.

[ABC photo of Bergeron with fall competitors Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke.]

The other new “Stars” are somewhat better known, led by Vincent Pastore, who sleeps with the fishes on “The Sopranos.” (And makes gossip columns himself with the occasional real-life mug shot.) Former teen hotties are also on board to lure that essential young female demographic: “Beverly Hills 90210” blond Ian Ziering and N’SYNC boy bander Joey Fatone. Achy-breaky country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, once a mullet-haired heartthrob, is now known more as the dad on his daughter Miley’s Disney tween-com “Hannah Montana,” but that’ll draw plenty of girls and women, too. You could also comfortably place sleek Olympic speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno in the hunk category.

Otherwise among the 11 celebs competing this time are two more athletes -- fresh off former Dallas Cowboy Emmitt Smith taking it all last fall -- including NBA great Clyde Drexler and female boxer Laila Ali. (Will dad attend tapings to cheer her on? He’d sure be more interesting than Lisa Rinna.) The final three contenders are known mostly for posing pretty for the cameras: GSN “Limbo” game show babe Shandi Finnessey (a former Miss USA, a la last season’s Shanna Moakler); showbiz report host and home-shopping hawker Leeza Gibbons; and supermodel Paulina Porizkova (who's married to '80s rocker Ric Ocasek of The Cars).

In fact, Gibbons starts selling the show this very night as a guest on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" (Wednesday night, Feb. 21, at 12:05-1:05 a.m.).

“Dancing With the Stars” starts its fourth season Monday, March 19 with a two-hour premiere (8-10 p.m.). The first results show airs Tuesday, March 27 (9-10 p.m.). ABC is loading up on the series all spring, with weekly airings already scheduled thereafter for Monday 8-9:30 p.m. and Tuesday 9-10 p.m. (FYI, the fall round of “Dancing” still holds two of the top five spots in the current season’s Nielsen rankings.)

Here’s a reminder of previous winners:
Season 1 (summer 2005) – Kelly Monaco, “General Hospital” actress.
Season 2 (spring 2006) – Drew Lachey, 98 Degrees singer.
Season 3 (fall 2006) – Emmitt Smith, former Dallas Cowboys running back.

Maybe you could be the next Feedback or Fat Momma. Tryouts for the second edition of Sci Fi’s reality competition “Who Wants to Be a Superhero?” will be held this weekend at New York Comic Con at the Jacob Javits Center. (Admission fee charged.)

Wannabes (18 or older) should show up in costume this Friday, Feb. 23, from 4 to 6 p.m., or Saturday, Feb. 24, from 1 to 4 p.m. The chosen few will once again live in a lair ruled over by Spider-Man creator Stan Lee, attempting to prove their mettle as crimefighters, defenders of justice and all-around swell folks. (Lee will appear at Friday’s auditions.)

Download the audition form at Sci Fi’s “Superhero” site. Auditions are being held in other cities, too, and applicant videos can be mailed in as well. Watch first-season action online with Sci Fi’s video player.

Donald Trump. WWE wrestling. Made for each other?

Apparently. The Trumpster and WWE mogul Vince McMahon are squaring off tonight on USA cable (8-10 p.m.) in a special Thursday edition of “Monday Night RAW.” (Video preview here.) They’re challenging each other to a “hair match” at the (of course) pay-per-view event WrestleMania 23, April 1 in Detroit.

One of the zillionaire camera hogs is supposed to go home bald when it’s all over. We wouldn’t put it past Trump to rip his hair out at the roots to get “The Apprentice” -- Nielsen’s 83rd ranked show -- back on America’s radar.

Those who absolutely MUST watch “Armed & Famous” -- and you know who you are -- will be thrilled to know the ex-CBS reality series has landed at VH1, lesser cable sibling to the big bad network that axed the adventures of Muncie, Indiana, celebrity police officers Erik Estrada and LaToya Jackson.

The first four episodes hit VH1 Saturday, Feb. 10, from 5 to 9 p.m.

CBS has wiped traces of the failed show off its website homepage, but video still exists here and here.

Two odd things on last night's edition of "Survivor: Fiji," and let's start off with Odd Thing No. 1: When the contestants hit the beach (and o, what a beautiful beach it was...) there were only nineteen of them. Don't need to do the math to realize that is not an easily divisible number, so what happened? As "Surivornistas" already knew going in, one of the contestants - identified on websites as someone named Mellisa McNulty - dropped out abut eight hours before going to the island. As reported on tvgrapevine, Jeff Probst explained that "she had a lot of anxiety, to the point where it escalated to a panic attack." I do believe - and please correct if you know otherwise - that this is a "Survivor" first. Show as caught so completely off-guard that producers had to scramble to reconfigure the first round, in which one contestant - Sylvia Kwan, an architect - was sent off to Exile Island the first night to make the teams balance out. (She joined the team that lost the first immunity challenge.)

So here's my question: If "Survivor: Fiji" is now down by two - Jessica deBen was first to get the hook last night - then how will CBS stretch this out to one extra episode this season? Will there be (gulp) a highlights edition? (And another question: Why no alternate?)

Odd thing Number two: As you now know, the show was divided between haves and have-nots, with winners of the first immunity challenge getting to live in the house they built. And as you are also instantly aware, this is almost a precise reversal of the premise of "The Apprentice's" L.A. edition, where the haves got to sleep near Trumpster, so to speak, and the have-nots got to sleep in the tent on the astroturf. (Do they actually have "grass" in L.A.? Please advise.)

So here's my other question: Why would "Survivor" rip off a loser like "The Apprentice?" I have no answer, but wonder whether a little creative arterial sclerosis may be setting in at the kingdom ruled by Mark Burnett...

And then, there were eighteen.