The TV Zone

NBC has scheduled a conference call Monday to make what is already the worst kept secret in television official: That Jimmy Fallon will take over as host of "Late Night" when Conan O'Brien heads west next year to take over "Tonight." Many people will - doubtless - wonder about Fallon's talk show chops, etc. You know the gripe: "He's never hosted a talk show...how can he...?" Etc. But NBC does have a pretty good track record at this hour; I believe it's batted a thousand at 12:35 over the last two decades, so I'm assuming it knows exactly what it's doing...

In fact, Fallon brings to mind the guy he'll be competing against - Craig Ferguson, the very gifted "Late Late Show" guy who was a standup, author (of a novel, and soon, his own memoirs). Letterman of course briefly hosted a daytime talker, but he was a weatherguy, for crying out loud. Fallon - I am certain - will do just fine. His biggest challenge: Fergie, whose numbers are building...

As you know, "ER" - NBC's great long-running series - will become its late great long-running series after next season. It's fifteen and done, and yet the 15th looks to be as tough as the first. Everyone seems to be leaving - and everyone who left doesn't seem to want to come back. No George Clooney. No Juliana Margulies. And soon, no Maura Tierney (Abby) after a few episodes next year, and no Goran Visnjic (Luka) either. Yeah, Noah Wyle will return for a handful next year - creater "ER" boss John Wells told reporters a little while ago - but I'm pretty certain he was contractually obligated to do so.

After that? The doors are wide open for anyone who wants to return. Said Wells, "we're beginning planning for the final season and as part of that, we'll be contacting pretty much everyone who wants to come back and do a little spin. We haven't set anybody at this point [but] I'll be asking people that want to come back and be part of the last season."

Good Lord, where to begin? Here's just a partial list from the first season: Clooney (forget Mr. Bigshot),Sherry Stringfield,Eriq La Salle,William H. Macy, Yvette Freeman, Deezer D, Anthony Edwards..and later, Gloria Reuben, Jorja Fox...and later, Paul McCrane. No, come to think of it, dear ol' Paul WON"T be coming back, will he? (What a shame, but malfunctioning helicopters will do that to you.) Howabout Ming-Na, or Michael Michele, and Erik Palladino, and...

Said Wells of Edwards, "I haven't talked to Tony in a while - he and his family went around the world with a tutor and I haven't talked to him since he got back...haven't thought about it. Around Memorial Day, the writing staff goes to Hawaii and sits around and figures out what we want to do for the next year and over the summer we'll start contacting people. Some may not come back under any circumstances, but they're gonna want to know what they're coming back for..."

(Above, George may not be good to go, but what about Tony or Eriq?)

It's here! It's here! I'm so excited my fingers are stumbling over themselves just to get you the news about NBC's spanking brand new fall schedule.

It's kinda early, isn't it? Yes, it's kinda early.

Good news: It won't be wall-to-wall "Deal or No Deal" (at least yet; wait till some newcomers flop, then...)

And the big development: There'll be a spin-off of "The Office," to debut after the Super Bowl. And also kinda big development: There's an "SNL" spin-off, called "Thursday Night Live," that'll air...umm, guess when. The rest of the stuff has already leaked out in the trades.

Herewith details about the new shows, straight from the NBC press release:

The roll-out of NBC's 52-week lineup begins in the Fall, as the debuting drama series "My Own Worst Enemy," starring Christian Slater, joins "Chuck" and "Heroes" on NBC's Monday lineup; "Kath & Kim," a new comedy starring Molly Shannon and Selma Blair, based on the hit Australian series, teams with "The Biggest Loser: Families" on Tuesdays; and on Wednesdays, "Knight Rider" goes to series, building on the success of last February's "Knight Rider" movie, the highest-rated movie telecast on any network in three years in adults 18-49. The mid-season dramedy "Lipstick Jungle" will return in the Fall, also on Wednesdays. Drama series "Crusoe," the hit game show "Deal or No Deal" and "Life" are scheduled to join NBC's Fall Friday lineup. In addition, NBC will introduce "SNL Thursday Night Live," which will share time on Thursdays with "The Office" at 9:30-10 p.m. (ET).

Through the winter months, NBC plans to add to its Sunday lineup "Kings," (starring Golden Globe winner Ian McShane) the ambitious new drama from the producer of "Heroes," along with the returning drama "Medium" and the exciting fantasy series "Merlin." On Mondays, NBC adds "The Philanthropist," a drama concerning a renegade billionaire who uses his wealth to help people. Tuesdays introduces a brand new cycle of "The Biggest Loser: Couples." "Law & Order" returns to Wednesdays for the series unparalleled 19th season. On Thursdays, comedy reigns with the addition of a new series spinning off the NBC hit "The Office." "The Celebrity Apprentice" returns in its popular new format on Thursdays. Sundays will be highlighted by special events, including the "66th Annual Golden Globe Awards," the four-hour miniseries "The Last Templar" (starring Oscar winner Mira Sorvino) and "XIII" (starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff).

(Above, Chris Slater has new NBC series; will dear boy behave and not embarrass network?)

Funny, but here I'm thinking NBCU bossman Jeff Zucker is putting the finishing touches on NBC's all-reality-all-the-time fall schedule (to be unveiled next week; I can hardly wait) and instead I find out he's been taping promos for "My Name is Earl."

It's getting quite a bit of pick-up, which I believe is the intended purpose, and a little bit of criticism (Nikki Finke wondered whether he was insane), which was probably not an intended purpose.

In any event, I think it's harmless. You be your own judge:

That's right. I'm not kidding - like I'd kid about something like this. NBC will announce its fall schedule next week, or about two months ahead of everyone else.

Yes, this is unprecedented and a little nutty, or maybe a lot nutty. I mean: Why next week? What's the logic? Why not the week after? And will we viewers - me and you - really remember any of this six months from now?

Boy, I wanna sip of what they've got in them watercoolers out in Burbank.

Anyway, why wait till next week? I've got the schedule right here, right now (let's just say your faithful correspondent has spies in VERY IMPORTANT places.) Here it is. Don't hold me to this - my source may have been gulping that Burbank watercooler juice for all I know:

Monday: "Deal or No Deal" (8 p.m.); "Deal or No Deal" (9); "My Dad is Better than Your Dad" (10).

Tuesday: "Deal or No Deal" (8); "My Mom is Better than Your Mom" (9); "Deal or No Deal" (10).

Wednesday: "The Biggest Loser: 7" (8); "The Biggest Loser: Mixed Couples;" "Deal or No Deal" (10).

Thursday: "American Gladiators" (8); "American Gladiators: All Stars!!" (9); "Deal or No Deal" (10).

Friday: "The Singing Bee: Moms Vs. Dads" (8); "Celebrity Apprentice" (9); "Celebrity Apprentice:" All Stars" (10).

Saturday: "Deal or No Deal" (encore night.)

Sunday: "Deal or No Deal" (7); "America's Got Talent: All-Stars" (8); "American Gladiators: Deal or No Deal Edition" (9); "Deal or No Deal: Gladiators Edition" (10.)

"quarterlife?" What? You didn't watch it the other night? Neither did 297 million other Americans, which is why it's being shunted over to Bravo from NBC - which plucked it (so to speak) from Myspace.

What's "quarterlife?" It got a lot of ink during the strike in part because of its provenance (the web) and its auteurs (including Marshall Herskovitz, TV/movie scribe superstar.) But it then got a one-night try-out on Wednesday, was seen by just over 3 million viewers (the debate, yes, the debate got more than twice as many viewers), and the hook was produced.

By the way, it's not a bad show - a little too cute and tiresome perhaps, and kind of a rip-off of "iCarley," which had the idea of kids producing their own webcast last fall. Plus, why isn't the "q" capitalized? (cuz it's a web show - get it?) Oh well - it'll work fine on bravo, i imagine.

And...we now have show return dates from the Peacock. Yes, I've noticed a trend here too: Looks like the bulk of returning faves, etc. will arrive in April, just in time for May sweeps.

Don't worry if you don't see something you love/cherish/miss-desperately below. Here's NBC's qualifier: "Specific plans for other NBC scripted series are currently being determined and
will be announced later."

Here's what we've got so far:

"My Name Is Earl" (Thursdays, 8-8:30 p.m. ET)
Resumes April 3 with one-hour episode

"30 Rock" (Thursdays, 8:30-9 p.m. ET)
Resumes April 10

"The Office" (Thursdays, 9-9:30 p.m. ET)
Resumes April 10

"Scrubs" (Thursdays, 9:30-10 p.m. ET)
Resumes April 10

"ER" (Thursdays, 10-11 p.m. ET)
Resumes April 10

"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (Tuesdays, 10-11 p.m. ET)
Resumes April 15

"Law & Order" (Wednesdays, 10-11 p.m. ET)
Resumes April 23

Well, here's another thing that happens when you win "The Biggest Loser:"

You get milk.

(And yeah, it's apparently fat-free, or low-fat; you'll have to take the ad's word for it.)

Here's the caption for yet another edition of the famed "Got Milk? campaign (Sorry for the crop, but at least you get the general idea). So far, it's run in just one paper - USA Today": "The Biggest Loser Shapes Up with the Help of Milk. Last night Bill Germanakos was named the winner of NBC’s hit show 'The Biggest Loser.' Bill lost 164 pounds and appears in his very own Milk Mustache ad to boot. He knows that filling three glasses a day with lowfat or fat free milk can help him get the calcium, protein and nutrients that are important when watching calories, plus along with exercise, the protein helps build muscle."

Yup, "Law & Order" is good to go too - strike or no strike.

NBC said the veteran (very veteran) and very nearly extinct classic will return next month on Wednesdays, Jan. 9, at 10, with a lead-in from "L&O: Criminal Intent" at 9. So...we've got a two-hour "L&O" block. Noted.

We've got the usual cast back, with of course, necessary changes: Linus Roache joins as ADA cus' Jack McCoy (Sam Waterston) is bumped up to DA cus' Arthur Branch is running for president (and the Iowa caucus is just around the corner.) Interesting behind-the-scenes addition: Rene Balcer is show-runner, or - should I say, was, considering the strike and all. Balcer's one of the stand-out "L&O" producers of yore, and his "L&O" won a best-drama Emmy way back in the mid (or was it early?) '90s.

Oh, yes, and how could I forget? Jeremy Sisto will join the show too - as Dect. Cyrus Lupo to Jesse L. Martin's Edward Green. And...on "CI," Mike Logan (Chris Noth) is back.

No word on how many episodes were in the can pre-strike, but "L&O" was a limited order to begin with, so my guess is that it's just fine.

Say what? NBC News is not paying for an interview with Paris Hilton, after all? In the wake of that sensational New York Post article - actually, printed allegation - that's the final outcome? No payment, but (almost certainly) an interview?

[And if you're just tuning in now, check out TMZ.com, which is reporting that NBC has pulled the plug on the interview. But just in case it hasn't, read on...]

Confused? Of course, and a glance at this morning's headlines won't help. All they can tell you is that there was a huge fire yesterday in medialand that NBC managed to douse just in time for the final editions. The NY Post provided the match, claiming that NBC News was to pay a million bucks to Hilton for an interview on "Today" (performed by Meredith Vieira) after her release from jail. ABC News - who knows? Maybe the original leaker? - was infuriated because it thought Babs Walters had her locked up (no pun intended, seriously).

This was all sensational because a.) it was Paris; b.) Babs was angry again, just weeks after the Rosie fiasco, and c.) this involved a news division which is now in the throes of a brutal NBC 2.0 scale-back, which has meant the firing of everyone from Stone Phillips on down. At this rate, the only two employees left at NBC News in a few years will be Brian Williams and Tim Russert - but at least they'll always have Paris. And finally, d.) This promised to be the most revolting instance of checkbook journalism in thirty years, or at least since CBS News paid for Bob Haldeman's memories of the Watergate story back in the early '70s (after which the networks decided that maybe checkbook journalism wasn't such a good idea after all.)

NBC News ducked reporter questions all day, then finally, around 5:15, issued this: "NBC News has not and will not pay for interviews." Why it should take all day to deliver this remains a mystery, but that was it. Fire out. No story.

Again - not quite. Both the LA Times and Washington Post report today that the likely outcome of all this could be one of those fig leaf entertainment deals, in which the celebrity promises an interview to the news division, but gets paid - in effect - by the entertainment division. A sensational example of this form of footsy took place at Fox recently, when Judith Regan managed to justify a huge payment to O.J. for a tell-all book in return for a primetime interview. NBC paid a couple million for the concert that also netted news interviews with a couple heirs to the crown. There are many other examples, and they almost always make the networks look sordid, crummy, sleazy and craven.

A "multimedia" deal will almost certainly happen here too - unless Leslie Moonves (CBS) or Bob Iger (ABC) step up and promise her a primetime series ("It's the Paris Show!" Thursdays at 9, 8 central time) or a Disneyworld attraction ("Paris Hilton Space Mountain").

Why is all this appalling? And why does it make NBC News look so bad, even if news doesn't technically sign the check (which is a mere and irrelevant formality anyway?) Tom Rosenstiel, executive director or the Project for Excellence in Journalism, explains:

"The argument against paying someone for their story is the argument that you're creating an incentive for them to say something that isn't the truth. You're negotiating with them, finally, over what they're going to tell, [or] 'if you're not going to talk about that, we're not going to pay you as much.' You're negotiating over a product and that creates an incentive for people to hype the product. If you say, 'the reason you should talk is you can get your story out' then...your relationship [with the source] is completely different. You're no longer vested in the story being a certain way."

Naturally, there are other reasons why the process is outrageous - and don't forget, we're talking about Paris Hilton here. The money that is ultimately paid to her will be money that NBC News - already depleted - will not use to cover Iraq or a million other stories, large and small, that go by the boards each and every day. It'll diminish NBC News even further, to a point one day when the fig leaves will be dispensed with altogether. It'll be naked news, all the time, metaphorically speaking. Other Paris'-of-the-future interviews will lead "Nightly;" "Extra" (also owned by NBCU) will have additional outtakes. Vieira, if she's still around to stomach this travesty, will post additional footage on the "Today" website; "Dateline" will do a series; the life movie will air in sweeps; a Universal theatrical (which Paris-of-the-future will exec produce) will be released the following summer; while Bravo, Sci Fi, and USA will each air interstitials promoting Paris-of-the-future's new line of cosmetics (underwritten by GE, which will suddenly find itself in the cosmetics business.)

The news division - in other words - will no longer be a "news division" but a division that enables or promotes the profit goals of all the other divisions, while pretending that it's still in the news business, which - of course - it will not be.

And speaking of GE, no wonder it's thinking of dumping NBC. The future looks like hell.

And speaking of NBC's future, this is it...(from askmen.com)