Conan O gave a few remarks to those assembled, and here are some outtakes: Since NBC always liked to be ahead with announcements, he wanted to take the opportunity to say that he would be retiring in 2025 from "The Today Show"; (at that time, he'll be relaxing with his third wife and planned to "audition for [my] second wife right after this speech..."

He mused on NBC's choice of a tent for the party: For previous upfronts, the network had thrown galas in wonderful places: One had been held a few years back at some "historic" venue, then another the following year at the "hallowed" Radio City Music Hall ... "Now we're all sweating under a tent; please join us next year when we're at the falafel stand on 42nd Street."

He gave a nod to his successor, Jimmy Fallon, in the crowd; JF takes over at "Late Night" when CO moves to "The Tonight Show." He then said: "Because of a great negotiation and a very good agent, this show will still be called 'Late Night with Conan O'Brien' after I leave ... "

(Above: MSNBC pix of CO; no monkey suit or mustache last night, though.)

Ms. Wells passed way too young, dying July 26, 1992, from larynx cancer.

Here's a terrific clip of Mary singing her No. 1 hit from 44 years ago this month:

This is good because many people -- including you -- may have been bummed they didn't get an invite to the most recent one -- you know, that one with Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. So, there's still hope. She told E a little while ago that "not a lot" of people went to the wedding to keep the publicity crush to a minimum. "Three of my friends, and he had three people he wanted ... Didn't want other people taking pictures, because of the hoopla of trying to make something into a publicity stunt, which is what anybody will think [this was] anyway."

[Why would anyone think that?]

"So instead of trying to say, 'you're invited but don't tell anybody,' we'll just have another one next year."

She did -- in fact -- show E pictures of her new tattoo -- an immodest little butterfly thing in the small of her back; "you could etch that out if things don't work out," advised Ellen.

(Above: MC from the AP)

And speaking of "good," there's a new Mike Judge animated joining the schedule, tilted "The Goode Family." Also (as expected), "Scrubs" will join up sometime midseason.

The most intriguing thing here? A new Tyra Banks beauty pageant -- no details -- that joins up midseason, too.

Otherwise, there are no surprises with this schedule. "Boston Legal" will return -- that was reported last week. The new David E. Kelley show, "Life on Mars" is here too (absent Kelley.)

But why go on. Here's the lineup, with the network's capsule descriptions of new shows to follow ...

MONDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars”
9:30 p.m. “Samantha Who?”
10:00 p.m. “Boston Legal”

TUESDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Opportunity Knocks”
9:00 p.m. “DWTS" results.
10:00 p.m. “Eli Stone”

WEDNESDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Pushing Daisies”
9:00 p.m. “Private Practice”
10:00 p.m. “Dirty Sexy Money”

THURSDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Ugly Betty”
9:00 p.m. “Grey’s Anatomy”
10:00 p.m. “Life on Mars”

FRIDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Wife Swap”
9:00 p.m. “Supernanny”
10:00 p.m. “20/20”

SATURDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Saturday Night College Football”

SUNDAY: 7:00 p.m. “AFHV"
8:00 p.m. “ExMa: HE"
9:00 p.m. “Desperate Housewives”
10:00 p.m. “Brothers & Sisters”

And...the newbies...

"Opportunity Knocks" (reality/game):

"Our mobile team will arrive at 'Anywhere, America' in a semi-truck that is full of flat screen TVs, new furniture and big cash prizes that the family can win right there. We will take the action of a game show directly into our contestants’ homes, setting up shop in a family’s front lawn."

"Life on Mars":
"The series revolves around Sam Tyler, a modern-day police detective who, after a car crash, mysteriously finds himself transported back to 1973 and still working as a detective."

"The Goode Family":

"The Goode Family is obsessed with doing the 'right' thing, whether it’s environmentally, politically or socially. Unfortunately their efforts often have unintended comic consequences."

"Ashton Kutcher/Tyra Banks" reality show:

"A beauty pageant unlike any you’ve ever seen, from executive producers Ashton Kutcher and Tyra Banks."

(Photo: Of You Know Who. Courtesy, Time.)

For a generation of people who were kiddies in the early to mid-seventies, this is hugish news - in those days, second graders actually watched educational shows like "Sesame Street" and "TEC;" today it's endless repeats of "SpongeBob" or "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. "TEC" was a genuine hit, of sorts, and featured - for all I know, even launched - Morgan Freeman's career. Plus, there was Rita Moreno ("hey all you guuuyyys...!!!)

Show production begins tomorrow and series will launch on PBS Kids in January of '09.

Here's a quote from Sesame Workshop: "The literacy crisis today is as pervasive and alarming as it was in 1971 when we created the first version of The Electric Company,” said Scott Cameron, Director of Education and Research for Sesame Workshop. “We know that if struggling readers don’t get the literacy help they need by the end of second grade, they are in danger of never catching up. Children in low-income families are particularly at risk..."

And here's a clip featuring Morgan F in the early show...

So, to make amends, here's a clip from "The Finale" (I'm pretty certain it's from "The Finale;" "Seinfeld" experts are invited to clarify; and thanks to Judgevalkenheiser for posting on YouTube.)

What's Wayne Knight been up to these last few years? Plenty (he's voicing a character on the forthcoming "Cat Tale") and of course had that long run in "3rd Rock," was "Al" in "TS 2I," and on and on and on.

So, sorry, Wayne. Sorry, Newman. Sorry, fans.

You like to get your official announcements tied up with a nice neat bow, maybe a cherry on top, or some whipped cream (or whatever...this doesn't sound very appetizing, does it?)

In any event, as I - and virtually everyone else on planet TV with a blog - has been reporting almost since the dawn of man, NBC has finally made Jimmy Fallon official - Conan's replacement - and just to prove it sent out a press release with lots and lots of quotes. Here are just some of them:

"We couldn't be happier to have Jimmy back on NBC and to have our number one-rated late night team fully in place for the future," said NBCE big cheese, Ben Silverman, "Jimmy is more than just a likeable guy and a great comedian, he is genuinely interested in what people have to say."

"Jimmy's proven track record and personality make him a natural for this important role that will bring a new generation of fans to 'Late Night,'" said Big Cheese # 2, Marc Graboff. "He will put his own distinct mark on late night humor just as he did on 'SNL' and in his other creative endeavors."

Added Rick Ludwin, Executive Big Cheese in charge of Late Night and Primetime Series, NBC Entertainment, "Simply put, Jimmy has all of the qualities for a late night host -- in addition to being funny, he loves talking to people on and off camera, he's a talented comedy writer and his time at 'SNL' demonstrated not only his ability to entertain, but also the work ethic and dedication it takes to succeed at hosting a nightly show."

(Above: Image stolen from some website called Lemon Pepper; nice pix of our boy after a long night out on the town.)

Only question you want answered by this point: Will he host?

Not sure. Not sure. Will get back to you on that.

With this show, Ry's doing what any hugely wealthy young guy who really REALLY wants to be The Next Dick Clark would do - start up a production company, litter the landscape with shows, hope one of 'em sticks, and then make his first billion (and get on the cover of Fortune, which will devote 2,000 words to "The Genius of Ryan Seacrest.") He's also said to be in discussion with CNN about the "Larry King Live" slot - I kinda believe this although CNN has said it's bogus. Meanwhile, his ramped-up production company is also producing that immensely silly Denise Richards' reality skein, "DR: It's Complicated." That bows on (I beleive) E! around Mem Day.

What do we know about "Moma's?" (Until five minutes ago, blessedly nothing...ba dum...)

Here's Ry's own voice on the show: "Anytime I make a decision either personally or professionally, I have to ask myself...what would my mother say? Like it or not, I am a true Momma's Boy. She is the most important woman in my life and she is never short of opinions. This series throws Mom right in the middle of all the drama. It's loud, it's wild and it's real."

(Above: They even kinda look alike. Courtesy: People.)

But still, viewers could be forgiven for doing a little doubletake a couple weeks ago when Cristina Yang walked by a bulletin board to glance at a pix of Preston Burke; I certainly did, and even backed up to take another look. Was it an obit? What WAS that? (Burke had been awarded something. He had the ol' characteristic blank look...)

It was all incredibly harmless, but now guess what? Washington has filed a complaint with the Screen Actors Guild over the shot! "They have the rights of the character to advance the story, but not the image," his lawyers told ABC's lawyers (according to the Hollywood Reporter.) Yes, IW wants a "financial settlement."

That's right - he deserves money for the emotional trauma this must have caused. May I suggest 34 cents?

What about the other core folk? Honestly, with Garth/Kelly aboard the remake is gonna HAVE to deal now with the question of "whatever happened to..."

Really: Whatever happened to Valerie or Donna? I don't recall how the show wrapped nearly a decade ago, so for all any of us know, they're still out there, in TV limbo, awaiting "character/arc resolution." Or, will the rest of the old front-line eight pull a Clooney and say no way, ever. A shame because it's not as if they're headlining major motion pictures these days. Tiffani Thiessen's (she's 34 now!) biggest post Valerie role was (I suppose) "Good Morning, Miami." Tori Spelling (Donna) was in "Smallville" a spell. Dylan - there is only one Dylan and that would be Luke Perry - was in "Oz." Jason Priestley's done a ton of stuff, but he hasn't been hugely discriminating (as "Love Monkey" proves.)

Let's see...ah yes, of course: Shannen Doherty, who lives in the tabs, was in "Charmed" its full run. Ian Ziering? "Biker Mice from Mars."

I rest my case.

That's right - Daddy Dearest was banned, or at least banned from the back stage, if you're just catching up to this news Sunday morning.

But the big question now is: Why? Could he have been harassing the remaining two contenders (as reportedly is his wont?) Interfering in some other way distracting to the other front-runner, that being David Cook?

Meanwhile, this outstanding question: Will his absence from the backstage, where he's been right in Archie's (David Archuleta's) face right up until game time, have some impact, positive or (gulp) negative on the presumptive winner of "American Idol?"

TMZ first reported the banishment late Friday and the AP confirmed yesterday, saying that Archuleta - AKA Stage Dad from Hell, in TMZese - had meddled once too many times, and that the straw that broke the camel's back was when he insisted on fiddling with lyrics on last week's song.

But this seems very thin to me. Meddled in lyrics? He's been meddling in lyrics all season; he's the MEDDLER from Hell. What could possibly have been so outrageously different this time, leading the show to banish him just two weeks from the finale?

Here's the AP on the details that the show cared to release:

"Jeff Archuleta's intense backstage involvement had become a source of concern for the series, the person connected with 'American Idol' said — but it was a lyric change on Tuesday's show that pushed producers to act.

"Despite a warning, Jeff Archuleta insisted on altering 'Stand by Me,' one of two songs his son sang on the show Tuesday. By adding a verse from Sean Kingston's 'Beautiful Girls,' the father incurred additional costs for 'American Idol,' the person said. "

What!!??? "Incurred additional costs?" This is a show that can "incur any cost"" it damn well pleases - it "incurs additional costs" like trees "incur" leaves or the sky "incurs" stars.

This, in other words, smells like a bogus reason to mask what could be the real one - was he perhaps doing something to interfere with the competition's outcome and something which might not withstand scrutiny if the other contenders decided to object?

Simply, the ejection of Archie's dad was the most sensational development of this season, and that's no exaggeration.

Before you decide this isn't a big deal, here's what TMZ reported weeks ago on Archie's "Star Search" days:

"We're also told the father of the year harassed Tiffany Evans, his 'Star Search' rival, lurking outside her practices, even trying to coerce her into drinking milk before a show to ruin her voice. She didn't listen (obviously) and went on to win. Sources also tell us Daddy Dearest sometimes screamed at his son and has even withheld water during rehearsals, even bringing his son to tears. As far as 'Idol' goes, we hear papa's wrath is still in full blossom..."

Well...we have an airdate: Monday, May 26 at 10:30 p.m. Here's the pitch from the press release:

"The Lohans are one of the most intriguing families in the entertainment industry today," said Lisa Berger, Executive Vice President, Original Programming and Series Development for E! "This is a family that knows how to roll with the punches and come out on top. Dina is an incredibly hard-working, passionate mom that I think our viewers will find both relatable and highly entertaining."

There was so much - SO VERY MUCH - that to even encapsulate, categorize and otherwise de-mystify any of it would be a tremendous waste of my time and your's. It was the richest mythology episode of the season, and I'll leave it at that.

But let's re-visit one tiny little detail that requires some clarification. During the pivotal scene with Richard Alpert (he's back!) and the young John Locke, a series of articles are laid out on the table, and JL is asked to choose those which he already owns. He bypasses the mitt, picks up the vial of granular substance, gets the compass, pauses briefly over the book, then gets the knife. Miffed, RA storms out.

Here's the question: What was the book?

It was called "Book of Laws." Not "THE Book of Laws." And definitely NOT "Book of Law;" that would take fans down a very precarious and unpleasant path, for that particular book was written by a 19th century mystic who made William S. Burroughs seem like a normal dude. You will - and no doubt - already have Googled the title, "The Book of Laws," but it's a dead end. (Yeah, the title referred to a law tome from the Plymouth colony in the early 17th century...) Could it actually refer to that? Seems doubtful. Very doubtful.

Could Darlton have thrown a Red Herring in our midst, sending "Losties" down a path that leads nowhere?

Naaaah. They'd never do that. (Would they?)