The TV Zone

Yup, Ryan Seacrest - host of some singing show on Fox - will actually have work to do this summer. He's gonna executive produce a show on mothers and their cherished boys entitled "Are You a Moma's Boy?" Should premiere right after the Olympics, on NBC.

Only question you want answered by this point: Will he host?

Not sure. Not sure. Will get back to you on that.

With this show, Ry's doing what any hugely wealthy young guy who really REALLY wants to be The Next Dick Clark would do - start up a production company, litter the landscape with shows, hope one of 'em sticks, and then make his first billion (and get on the cover of Fortune, which will devote 2,000 words to "The Genius of Ryan Seacrest.") He's also said to be in discussion with CNN about the "Larry King Live" slot - I kinda believe this although CNN has said it's bogus. Meanwhile, his ramped-up production company is also producing that immensely silly Denise Richards' reality skein, "DR: It's Complicated." That bows on (I beleive) E! around Mem Day.

What do we know about "Moma's?" (Until five minutes ago, blessedly nothing...ba dum...)

Here's Ry's own voice on the show: "Anytime I make a decision either personally or professionally, I have to ask myself...what would my mother say? Like it or not, I am a true Momma's Boy. She is the most important woman in my life and she is never short of opinions. This series throws Mom right in the middle of all the drama. It's loud, it's wild and it's real."

(Above: They even kinda look alike. Courtesy: People.)

You woke up this morning and sobbed into your coffee. "Oh God - NO NO NOOOOO ... Not JASON."

Honestly, I can't imagine why you feel that way, but I'm trying to be "empathetic." (I think it's a good thing to be "empathetic," don't you?)

The fact is, seriously, there are people out there who liked the Guy Who Shot The Tambourine Man (his line, and a good one, too). I liked GWSTTM; liked him a lot. Nice personality, good teeth, and I suppose if I could "dred" my hair up that way, I'd give it a try too. Jason was laid-back; I loved the way a couple weeks ago the camera caught him unawares just before an elimination, and he yawned loudly -- as if all this "Idol" business were getting in his way of a good night's sleep. (There is such thing as being too laid back, I suppose - so laid back you forgot the lyrics.)

I think he has talent but -- forgive me -- I can't vouch for it. His rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" was really fine, and liked his do-over of Izzy's "Over the Rainbow." But he did say it best last night -- he was the guy who shot the tambourine man.

Anyway, here's the point of this post: Jason will be fine. I did a semi-exhaustive study of contestants who have been bounced fourth from the end; it would seem an ignominious end to an "Idol" dream, but it's not. According to my semi-exhaustive study, the fourth-from-the-enders have actually fared better than the third-from-the-enders; and, of course, one fourth-from-the-ender, Chris Daughtry, has fared better than most winners.

Why is this the case? I haven't a clue, but the facts bear me out. Tamyra Gray (Season 1) got a gig with "Rent"; Joshua Gracin had and has, I believe, a reasonably successful country music career; LaToya London's had a good run in "The Color Purple" (and done a ton of other stuff); and LaKisha Jones has done fine, too (though no huge breakthrough, to speak of, that I'm aware of). Only one fourth-from-the-ender, Anthony Federov, still seems to be in the career hunt.

Third-from-the-enders? I believe the only stand-out success is Elliott Yamin; even the Best Singer in "Idol" History (By Far), Melinda Doolittle, still seems to be struggling a bit. (Jasmine Trias? Yes, I hear she's a superstar in the Philippines.)

So take heart, Jason fans. The career's just beginning. GWSTTM will be back before you know it.

I for one am amazed at the coverage of the latest L'Affaire Paula. The poor, dear, befuddled girl burbles something about seeing Jason Castro's two songs on Tuesday's show, and the Times devotes 5,000 words for an above-the-fold story, as if the war in Iraq and a recession here at home were stories that could wait. Paula! That's the big news. Then, a commentator from "EW" portentously warns the viewers of "GMA" this morning that "if she can't handle the rigors of the show," maybe she should be replaced.

Rigors?! RIGORS!!!?? OMG. I mean, seriously, OMG.

What's the issue here? That judges see the rehearsals? Of course, they do. They've always said they do. The show has said they do. What difference does it make if they do? (I guess that adds to the rigors.) Is there a federal statute that bars this? Or: That their comments are scripted? Anyone who believes that is either foolish or has never seen the show. The judges' greatest "sin" is an occassional rhetorical sameness -- as if something, everything, is "too pitchy," or "too karaoke," or (from Paula), "I love you, I love your spirit, I love your wonderful voice, oh my God ..."

I can see Paula sitting in her dressing room before the show, scribbling those words down, then memorizing them.

But I guess the rigors of the show are so great that the judges have to script their comments, right?

What's the issue? That Paula screwed up or said something silly? Would you like a catalog of all the instances she's screwed up or said something silly? There is neither time enough in the day nor column inches enough in the Times to chronicle them all. Yet there was still enough Web babble yesterday to prompt Ryan to last night even give the poor beleaguered lady a vote of confidence -- that the rumors weren't true and that she would remain "a member of our family."

Fact is, the press treats the show as if it's shocked-shocked that there's gambling going on here. It's a reality show, which of course is a contradiction in terms; there is no reality in reality TV. "Idol's" most significant issue -- "failing" or "sin" seem too strong -- this season was stacking the ranks with pros and semipros, like Carly Smithson. But that's not the subject here. It's Paula being Paula again. Oh brother -- like that's news?

Bottom line: Paula's vital to the success of this show. She's going nowhere.

Carly Smithson, deposed not even 24 hours ago, did a conference call with reporters a little while ago. She was very gracious, said the usual nice stuff ("we're all grateful for the experience...I'm not that sad to be leaving...I think anywhere after the top ten is just a bonus...now I get to be me without a theme night and make a cool record.")

But she did say one kinda interesting thing, and worth noting: "I started out on the show with some bad press [that punk at Newsday, Gay!] and it didn't help me very much, and early on, people accumulate their fan base."

She added, "women vote for the boys and the boys are adorable [this season]. I definitely feel the girls had more of a struggle this year to the popularity vote [because] the boys are definitely charming the females."

You'd have to be a stone-hearted SOB - which, admittedly, I am - not to be just a little moved by that final scene last night with Syesha and Carly locked in this final death embrace, that as if to disengage would mean one would vanish into a puff of smoke.

And in fact one did.

Carly gone: Will I be the only one today saying what a complete "Idolian" outrage her early departure is? The only to say what a bunch of morons voters are? The only one to say that this whole damn thing is rigged? The only one to observe the obvious fact that once more a superior singer is gone while two lightweights (and why bring THEIR names into this) remain?

Carly - I can now reveal as if not at all obvious - was my personal favorite this season. Yes, we know she was a plant, and once worked with Randy, and was a former professional who put out a bad album (with dirty lyrics) and who had an advantage (unfair, perhaps) over others who hadn't worked the professional grind the way she had. Dr.Evil (Planet 19 superboss Simon Fuller) wanted her here too, if only to keep this competition respectable and interesting into the final rounds. No one ever expected her to win. I never expected her to win. With Archie in the pact, she probably didn't deserve to win.

But: She had guts, perseverance, and projected an undeniable sense that failure isn't the end but a roadblock to be surmounted. She had an outrageous flop in 2001 with her album, but kept on coming back when she could have done what a lesser person would have done - disappeared into a wallow of booze or something worse (if that's possible, and I suppose there is.) She kept on coming and coming, though best of all - she didn't have one lousy (REALLY lousy) performance all season. Not one.

Man, I'll miss her and that inked arm and gorgeous voice. Now we can all talk about Brooke and Jason.

Cluck, cluck, cluck...cluck...cluck...

This morning you can hear the sound of a million hens clucking - how Brooke screwed up last night and how she stopped and started and how (oh yes) she's gone tonight for sure!

But I don't know - no clucking from this hen. I thought she was fine. The song? Snoresville. (After all, SHE didn't pick Andrew Lloyd Webber - I assume this was Dr. Evil's handiwork.) Some weeks I'm down on Brooke - one of my early faves - and some weeks I'm high on her. I'm high on her again after last night; Simon was right. She was brave to stop/re-start, and Paula was a silly scold. For chrissakes, what was she supposed to do, Paula? Stand there and SOB?! "I can't go on! I can't go on..."

She was fine. Safe tonight? Another story perhaps. Here's a good clip, and thanks fo Phillymac2563 for posting the whole thing:

Interesting reaction to the Michael Johns exit last night, and it never even occurred to me: Was Ryan Seacrest needlessly cruel to Mike?

Remember how it played out? Seacrest said (and I paraphrase) that both Syesha and Carly were saved from the figurative noose, but ...[insert here dramatic pause that seemed to last 10 minutes]... Michaels Johns will be leaving us tonight.

I got this comment from an outraged fan, and I quote in full below:

"PLEASE WRITE THE PRODUCERS AT AMERICAN IDOL AND COMPLAIN! They DO read the emails, and the fans HAVE made a difference before:
askfox@fox.com
Ryan@eonline.com
Ryan@kiisfm.com
"Ryan Seacrest is CRUEL! What he did last night to Michael Johns totally crossed the line. There is no excuse for his behavior and he owes Michael Johns a public apology. They also should bring back the Wildcard setup in this case. Let him come back one night to sing, and if he doesn't get the top scores the next time, he'll be permanently eliminated."

Good points, whoever you are. Why no wildcard? Why that strange ending? (And why is MJ no longer in the comp while a few others who shall remain nameless are?)

Come on, come on, come on, people. Get a grip!

GET A GRIP!

The exit of Michael Johns is not, repeat not, shocking.

Yet why has the morning buzz turned to a morning roar - that Johns exit was like some sort of amazing turn, totally unexpected, profoundly terrible, etc.? Michael Johns' exit has become, all of a sudden, this season's Next Big Flap, the First Big Flap being lap dancing pictures-or-whatever of David Hernandez.

I just saw Kelly Ripa do a Paula - Omygod omygod omygod (goes Kelly). He was a latter day JIM MORRISON.

What? Kelly, you were born like 30 years after Morrison died. How would you know what Jim Morrison was like.

I knew Jim Morrison. Michael Johns was no Jim Morrison.

Now, let's put this in proper proportion, shall we? It was a "surprise." Just a surprise. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I mean, come on. He wasn't going to win "American Idol." David Archuleta is going to win "American Idol." That is so certain, so writ in stone, so don't-even-bother-arguing-with-me (because I'll just plug my ears and go "neeener neeener neeener...not listening...not listening") that I've even written my lead for the story the night he wins. Here it is:

"David Archuleta won 'American Idol' last night."

Catchy, isn't it? You're right. I'll work on it.

But here's my point (and I do have one): Michael Johns was good, but not great. His last few outings have been blah. Aerosmith on Tuesday? Blah blah. Kristi Lee, who effectively LIVES in the bottom three, has actually gotten better - or better at getting more clever in song choice. Brooke - one of my early favorites - has gotten worse, to the point of awful. Yet she has so completely conned her fans with that sweet lil' ol' me act that they don't even hear her performances.

But Johns never seemed to work his fans, never worked the judges. He was a bit of a cypher, really, unreadable, inscrutable. The Great Sphinx of the seventh season.

Sometimes it's not just about the singing. Sometimes it's about selling yourself too. Johns never learned that little secret. That's why he's gone.

No shock. Just a surprise. And in hindsight, a small one.

Dr. Evil (Simon Fuller of Planet 19 and the Big Boss of "Idol") had a plan. It was an ingeeenious plan, this plan, and seemed as infallible as any of the other ingeenious plans he had devised to take over the world. This season, "Idol" would stack the deck with pros - people who had cut records, and knew how to perform on stage, and who would help erase the stigma that this was a rank amateur competition. And then, one of them would win! This person would then sell millions of records for Sony/BMG, plus go on tour and actually draw people to venues - unlike last summer's abysmal tour headlined by beat-boxer boy Blake Whateverisnameis and Jordin Sparks.

"Idol" would rule the world again.

Then, last night.

Dr. Evil is not happy, and his top producers heard from him again. First, what was Mini-Me (Fox reality boss Mike Darnell) doing there, Evil wanted to know? "Mini-Me seemed profoundly inebriated; doesn't he know the rules? No member of Evil's entourage is to be seen drunk on-screen, ever."

Next, who thought up this business about inspirational songs?

The producers, Number 2 and Number 3, patiently explained - again - that "Idol Gives Back" is tonight, and they wanted to get viewers in the giving mood. "I don't care about FRICKING 'inspriration,'" he screamed. Numbers 2 and 3 glance at each other nervously.

"My pros stumbled around like Fat Bastard. David Cook? What was that about? And who gave him a pen to write on his hand? If either of you let him sing an Our Lady Peace song ever again, I will personally fire the fricking laser at your head. Michael Johns? Karaoke, baby. What's so inspirational about Aerosmith anyway? Carly perfectly demonstrated why she could only sell 378 records for MCA. Among my pro plants, only Kristi Lee and Archie did anything worth a damn, and we all know Kristi will probably land in the bottom two tomorrow night anyway...

"And those clever clever amateurs - Syesha channeling Fantasia, and Dreadlock Boy doing Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's "Over the Rainbow; that was smart - he knew that idiot Seacrest couldn't pronounce Izzy's last name so everyone thought Jason was doing something original. That rank amateur Brooke White? Another clever song choice. I hate her.

"This won't happen again," he tells Numbers 2 and 3. "This better not happen again..."

I got some calls from some trully engaged readers (thanks truly engaged readers!) about this blog item I posted a few hours ago about Dr. Evil.

The question was: If Simon Fuller's Dr. Evil, then who's Mini Me? Who's Goldmember? Scott? And so on. (If the show we were talking about was "Dancing with the Stars," then Carrie Ann Inaba would be Fook Yu because that's who she played in the movie.) Anyway, this got me to thinking...

And thinking. I'm just spitballing here, but Foxxy Cleopatra is Paula, and Number 2 is Randy. Austin Powers is probably - let's say for argument's sake - Ryan. (I know it's a stretch, but just play along.)

Finally, Mini Me: Simon.

Also today, I see that Jay-Z got a huge contract, and all this talk about Foxxy (Beyonce, of course, and soon Mrs. Z) and Dr. Evil got me to thinking some more about Austin and Mini Me. So, take it away, YouTube:

So I'm sitting here thinking that the top "Idol" producers now have the show right where they want it. Their truly devious and brilliant plot has unfolded almost PERFECTLY and according to plan. And no one - 'cept for a few million buzz-gnat bloggers - have noticed.

Ah yes, they are saying (gleefully rubbing their hands) we have done it! No more lightweight amatuers in THIS competition - the professionals and nearly-professionals have taken over. Any of THESE will understand how to sell a record, get radio play, work the press, handle promotion, go on tour, and do all the myriad other little things that a pro must do - most importantly make Dr. Evil (Simon Fuller, of Planet 19 Entertainment who's really pulling the strings here) happy.

"Yes, we've done it: We're not gonna get stuck with another Jordin Sparks THIS year! "

The final four are emerging. With the dull Ramiele gone, that leaves Kristy Lee, Brooke and Syesha in the way; but they won't be here long. Oh yeah, sure - Kristy's one of the pro plants this season, but she hasn't quite worked out as we planned (says the "Idol" brain trust to themselves, not rubbing their hands for the moment.) That's OK. She'll be gone soon - if those gnats at votefortheworst.com don't keep getting her back each week. Syesha (they add) has hung around a little longer than planned - but that should be remedied shortly. Yes, she was a clever girl the other night - trying that Whitney Houston song and pretty much pulling it off. Curses! (they say). Why didn't she shatter that high C like a piece of cheap china?

What about that Brooke White (they say)? Another clever one - she's played that cornfed act masterfully, and the suckers have bought it! Aw shucks, lil' ol Brookie - so nice, and sweet. Has made everyone forget - she can't really sing.

They'll all be broomed out shortly, though (Dreadlock Boy too), and by May sweeps, we'll have our four: Archie, Michael, Carly and David. (Yes, David - he's a surprise, isn't he? We certainly didn't count on him - but just like Daughtry, he's a masterful mimic of the pros; we can work with someone THIS smart.)

Yes (they say, rubbing their hands again). We've done it. It's genius - pure geeeenius. Whoever wins the final four should be able to sell some records - even Carly, now that she's had the world's most popular show helping her.

Dr. Evil will veeerrry happy.

[Note to readers: When will we all just realize that "American Idol" isn't about finding the best amateur singer? It's about finding the person who can sell the most records for Sony/BMG, Simon Fuller and all the other license holders of this program?]

Don't worry, he's apparently fine...but David Cook went to the hospital last night after his "Little Sparrow" moment (quite good, I thought, as usual.) He said he had heart palpitations - which, of course, could be a sign of something serious - and so off he went. For complete coverage of Tuesday's American Idol, click here

TMZ first reported this, and People got the update, and here it is: "American Idol contestant David Cook was hospitalized after Tuesday night’s live show when he felt heart palpitations, a source confirms.Cook was treated for high blood pressure and released back to the Idol apartments where he was 'doing fine,' the source says."

Yeah, this is bizarre (and hasn't Cook had some sort of problem before? Will check...) The guy's terrific - my own personal front-runner - and the pressure-cooker of this comp has got to be overwhelming at times. But he's been pretty consistent on stage - consistently good, that is.

Also note: Last night, he gave credit again to Chris Cornell for last week's version of "Billy Jean." My assumption is that Cook heard some of the blowback in the wake of last week (some fans didn't think Cornell got enough credit, and I was hard-pressed to tell whether he got any.) Cornell later went on the record to say he was a little put off too.

Why is Cook's condition such a big deal? Simply because HE is: The judges (Randy, Si, Paula) have treated him like he's in a different league, and in fact he is. Here's Cowell on Cook in last week's "EW:" I've got to tell you, watching it back, this performance he did on 'Billie Jean,' in my opinion, was in a different league to anything we've heard on the season so far. It was so much better, he kind of made some of the other performances seem ridiculous."

One doesn't often hear Simon Cowell say such things about anybody. Yes, there have been very mini-controversies - the Cornell one, for example which also drew a lot of attention/commentary to TV Zone but I haven't heard anyone yet say he can't hold a note or lacks discernible talent; of the latter, he's abundantly endowed.

Meanwhile, TMZ says Cook was urged to go to the hospital during the show - he declined - and has been under high stress because of his brother, suffering from cancer.

And, here's the TMZ report, with additional details about last night.

I've gone and done it again: Sparked a riotous raucous debate over something due to both my ignorance and innocence.

The debate: David Cook or Chris Cornell?

Neither needs an intro (ok, DC is the "Idol" front runner, per my unofficial count and reading of the Zeitgeist.) Cornell is - of course - one of the truly great rockers; I remember him mostly, I guess, best from his Soundgarden days although you young 'uns out there may first think of Audioslave (and let's not forget Temple of the Dog, shall we?)

Anyway - silly me - I didn't know he'd done a classic version of "Billie Jean," since turning solo, which DC performed on Tuesday; it was an "Idol" high point, and absolutely the moment that pulled DC into the front ranks this season. A bunch of smart readers told me that it wasn't only NOT original but that Ryan Seacrest even credited Cornell.

So here's my big question of the moment: Which "Billie Jean" version is better? After an exhaustive search - roughly 0.34 seconds on Youtube - I came up with about half a dozen versions of Cornell's "BJ." Sampled most of 'em, and offer you this one; the version's wonderful and exotic and raw as my old sneaker.

So what say you friends? Cornell or DC? I'm happy to report (as a DC fan), it's not such an easy choice as you might imagine...

(And since we're on a Chris Cornell kick for the moment, here's a great clip of "Revelations;" wonder if DC'll ever try this?)

(Above, Cornell in earlier days, in Rolling Stone; thanks to Destructogirl for the clip.)

I love to spread rumors as much as the next blogger, and this one I can't resist: Is Carly Smithson pregnant?

My incredibly hard-working colleague, Eileen Fredes, brought this beauty to my attention recently - telling me that it was so widespread that even WNYW/5 checked in on it last night at 10. Sure enough, it's raging across the Internets as we speak...

What does this mean? Plenty. First of all - if true - then Carly very likely WON'T be joining the "Idol" tour this summer (as Eileen pointed out). Also, why the rumors now? If true, then will this work to Carly's benefit? In other words, is this pregnancy a good career move?

I'm one of Smithson's big 'ol fans - I think she's wonderful, even if she's a pro who once had a big fat MCA contract, and couldn't even sell ten records. But I think she has a squishy fan base and may well be voted off tonight. Imagine! Ramiele (or Christy) stays but Carly goes.

What a world. As soon as I find out more about this "developing story" (as Drudge might say), I'll let you know.

(Update: Per an "AI" spokesman, "We dont comment on the personal lives of our contestants."

A little late catching up with "Idol" today (ok, a lot late), but this is one of those blog entries where you sort of feel that you have to jump on board the band wagon along with everyone else. Last night was a particularly interesting edition, and now, I can officially declare right here in the confines of TV Zone: David Cook is the absolute front-runner.

How do you determine these things? (I ask myself.) It's in the air, the zeitgeist, the whatever, (I reply to myself.) It's just THERE. But Archie has suddenly become passe, or vulnerable. It's strange how these things happen, but they just do; blame the ol' Zeitgeist. Honestly, I thought Cook's rendetion of "Billy Jean" was the stand-out moment this season - the one we'll remember a month from now, perhaps, maybe longer. It was "original" - but "good" original.

(BTW, I have to share this fascinating comment from Rushhoursoul, just received: "I loved David Cook's performance but if you have ever heard Chris Cornell's - Soundgarden, Audioslave - version of "Billie Jean" from 'Unplugged in Sweden 2006' then David's version is not terribly original." And - oh boy - read Lisa's less-polite dismissal of my Cook endorsement. I disgree with her, but she picks up the Cornell ref too.)

Meanwhile, who goes tonight? Here's my list from first (the most likely) to fourth (least likely). It's a tough call, and number one on my list is one of my favorites, but cruel are the "Idol" gods, and capricious too. (And if you missed DC's "Billy Jean," it follows):

1.) Carly Smithson.

2.) Chikeze

3.) Ramiele Malubay

4.) Kristy Lee Cook (for once, almost certainly safe, considering her remarkably clever and effective performance last night; if this "Idol" thing doesn't work out - I've got a career suggestion for CLC - as a TV executive.)

(Above, the winner. Randy's right.)

The mentors are back! The mentors are back! And with that, the Beatles may soon be gone.

Yeah, last night Ryan Seacrest gave a fuller list of this season's mentors - Mariah Carey, Dolly Parton, Andrew Lloyd Webber and Neil Diamond - and you can be reasonably certain that they're not coming aboard to help the final ten with the Lennon/McCartney canon. I'm pretty certain Parton - BTW - was already expected, and probably MC too. Mentors - you'll recall - have been a key part of the show over the years, though producers cooled to 'em this season because they decided to focus more on the kids' back-stories as opposed to the back-stories of the rich-and-famous coaching them.

But...obviously a bad decision in retrospect. They were (or at least were sometimes) viewer faves, and the contestants got a kick out of them as well. And - arguably - they made the songs and performances better, or at least as good as they could be. Certainly Diana Ross knows a little bit more about how to sing one of her own hits than one of the "Idol" resident musical pros, right?

The absence of mentors has also been a possible, or probable, reason why the last two Beatles weeks have been such a considerable disappointment. The singers, half the age of the songs, in some instances didn't know the songs, and certainly weren't plugged into their rich, mythic lore. Result - a lotta bad performances.

Last year, in fact, "Idol" DID get permission from Sony/Micheal Jackson to dip into the Beatles songbook (they could choose a few songs - this season, the whole book was open to them.) But they canned the idea when they couldn't get a Beatles "mentor." They wanted legendary Beatles producer/frontman George Martin, and here's what "Idol" bossman Ken Warwick said at the time:

"The problem we found - or the problem we've had, obviously - is that we need a mentor who's up to the job. We were after George Martin, and his schedule unfortunately... we tried every which way. We had permission from the record company, we just couldn't get George."

Ummm, what about Sir Paul? He did write the songs that people sing, so...

Said Ken: He "took exception" to Simon's comments about the contestants."

"[McCartney's] a nice guy. He doesn't like Simon saying, 'You're horrible. You're the worst I ever heard. You shouldn't be singing.' So the chances of Paul coming on the show were pretty slim."

Oh, Simon...

(Of course, Paul has had his hands full of a few other problems the last few months, so can't put all the blame on our favorite judge...)

Yesterday morning, Simon Cowell woke up on the wrong side of bed, fell out flat on on his face, scrambled to his feet, then tumbled head first out the window and straight down into a scummy pond filled with duck poop where he was then set upon by a thousand homicidal Canadian geese.

How else - I ask you in all genuine sincerity - is one to explain his horrendous mood last night?

I've seen Cowell in black moods before - that square Brit face of his scarlet with anger, bile, rage, disappointment, and (flat-out) scorn.

But last night? That was the record. It was that flock of homicidal geese, I suppose.

I mean, seriously people. Where to begin? He spat out insult after insult, until he was so spent he had to consult his (recently published) "Simon Cowell's Book of Insults" for fresh material. By the time poor 'ol Malubay rolled around, he basically just threw up his hands - "you chose really mediocre songs and didn't show the best of your ability."

So, it was also McCartney and Lennon's fault now, eh?

How DARE they write mediocre songs for Ramielle Malubay and all these other pretenders?

Good Lord, man.

He was kinda nice to Mercado and Archie. But that was it.

In some cases, he was absolutely right. Brooke White - my heroine - was horrendous. Amanda Overmyer was so bad that if she gets voted off tonight, then even Paul will feel a little better (after giving Heather a king's ransom.)

But the rest of his judgments were flawed - especially with Carly Smithson. Here. You don't believe me. Watch. She was fine. Simon was nuts.

What's the problem? Simple: Simon, and doubtless the rest of the "Idol" production brain trust, are beginning to regret this Beatle thing. It's become a straitjacket, whereby songs that were gorgeous and indelible when sung by the one-and-onlys almost half a century ago, now sound tinny and trivial when sung by this crew. Yes, Malubay was the perfect example (and Brooke too). "I Should Have Known Better" should have only been sung by Lennon (I think it was Lennon) and no one else, ever. But Simon is so clearly incensed by all this ruination of the Beatles that he's completely lost his judgment and apparently, marbles.

I wonder: When will "Idol" start mixing in other standards again?

Simon slugs Carly. Carly slugs back and scores!

Remember "Idol Gives Back" last year - that HUGE one-night-only charity benefit that actually showed Simon doing something nice for someone? It's back, and almost before you know it: Fox just announced that Wednesday, April 9, is the day. But what's especially notable is the size - three-and-a-half hours, from 7:30 to 10 - and the size of the star list.

Yes, everybody who's anybody...or anybody who wants to be somebody...or somebody who's about to become somebody (or will eventually be somebody)...will be on hand. We're talking...Eli Manning, Bono, Brad Pitt, Reese Witherspoon, Miley Cyrus, Peyton Manning, Mariah Carey, Fergie, Chris Daughtry, Carrie Underwood, Annie Lennox, John Legend and Snoop Dogg...

It's making me tired just typing out this list...

Plus, Fox says there will be more stars! So many, one imagines, that people will forget to call in the toll-free number to contribute ten bucks to some cause.

Oh the charities - almost forgot about them. They are: The Children’s Defense Fund, The Global Fund, Make It Right, Malaria No More, Save The Children and the Children’s Health Fund.

(Mr. Super Bowl himself - above - will make an appearance on "IGB.")

It's now official: Former strippers CAN'T win "American Idol." Producers have to be happy about last night's results; Coke has to be happy too; as I think I pointed out before, "The Coke Side of Life" does not, under normal circumstances, include lap dancing. And most viewers - certainly the granny vote - aren't gonna warm to this past, ummm, vocation either. So it goes.

Oh, and how DID Coke - AI's most important sponsor by far - feel about our departee? Go to "American Idol's" site and check out the "behind the scenes" photo slide-show "Presented by Coke:" Not one, I repeat, there is not one shot of Hernandez (he appears off to the side in one picture). But there are half a dozen out of twenty with Brooke and Kristy.

Coke may not "cast a vote," but it's a more important presence on this show than any judge (Simon included) or producer. Money talks on TV, and Coke is the biggest money of all. They wanted Hernandez gone.

Nevertheless....nevertheless, Hernandez deserved another shot. Maybe another two shots. He massacred "Saw Her Standing There" on Tuesday, but oddly enough, did a pretty good rendition during the exit routine. He was a very good singer, and up until Tuesday, was maybe a top-sixer. But here's the thing: This top twelve - now eleven - is so good that one bad turn (with the exception of Archie) means that just about anyone can land in the bottom three week to week. David just happened to pick a bad time to be bad.

Gone. Too bad.

As the big-time eliminations on “American Idol” begin again, here come cable’s “AI” dissection shows.

Wednesdays at 8 (starting March 12), TV Guide Network brings back its highest-rated original series, “Idol Tonight,” hosted by former contenders Kimberly Caldwell and Justin Guarini.

Fox Reality Channel’s “American Idol Extra” returns for a third season Thursday at 7 p.m. (March 13), with new ex-“AI”er cohosts Constantine Maroulis and Gina Glocksen.

TVG’s “Idol Tonight” promises interviews with show cast and crew, along with Idol Flashbacks on auditioners and contestants, Where Are They Now update segments, and Idol Worship viewer questions asked of current contenders.

Fox Reality’s “American Idol Extra” (which has the advantage of being produced by “AI” production companies FremantleMedia and 19 Entertainment) kicks off this week by presenting the ultratalented Melinda Doolittle [right] -- but also William Hung [photo below], singing “Achy Breaky Heart” (oh, my achy breaky ears). Watch/hear a preview, if you dare, at this link.

Tough night tonight.

Who is gone?

Who DESERVES to be gone?

Anyway, here are my weekly odds, adjusted as we go. (Odds, by the way, reflect chances of eviction tonight.) Answers below:

David Archuleta: I'm a lover of counter-intuitive logic and therefore will say right now - Archie had a great Beatles night. Great because he bastardized "We Can Work it Out?" No, because he thus proved that he is fallible. Again, you never want to be infallible on this show, or at least until that moment you're crowned. He's human! He forgets words! He's not perfect! He's still the frontrunner, but he won't be if he screws up next next week. Odds: 2:1.

Jason Castro: Not a particularly memorable performance ("If I Fell"), but still a memorable guy. He's safe tonight. Odds: 5:1

Chikeze: For some reason, Chicky remains low on the popularity poll (if TV Guide's weekly power rankings are to be believed.) He probably won't win "Idol," but after last night's "She's a Woman," he's a lock - to continue. Odds: 4:1.

David Cooke: Forget about moving on to next week; he could win the whole dang thing. (3:1.)

Kristy Lee Cook: The perfect illustration of why Sony and MJ (Michael Jackson) have zealously protected this song book - that someone would take a standard and turn it into something not only unrecognizable but actually ghastly. "Eight Days a Week" - I'll never listen to it the same way again. But Paula made a rare blunder last night wen she revealed that KLC has a "huge" following. In other words, Paula knows the numbers, and she knows KLC is safe. Maybe. After last night, that's not a sure bet. Odds: 25:1.

David Hernadez: What the..??!! This is not the stage of the competition where you screw up. This is the stage of the competition where you get better, or turn up the gas, or do something to prove to viewers that you deserve to go on to the next round. DH actively encouraged viewers to NOT vote for him. A neat trick.He's in the bottom two tonight. Odds: 50:1.

Michael Lee Johns: He was better than the judges (Paula of course loved him) gave him credit for being. Not boring at all ("Across the Universe") but engaging. He remains safe. Odds: 7:1.

Ramiele Malubay: I still like her but I fear fans do not, or fear they have no idea who she is, or why they should vote for her. Tonight, Ramiele leaves. Odds: 100:1.

Syesha Mercado: Solid "Got to Get You Into My Life." Why doesn't she get more press? I'm confounded. Se's darned good, and at least deserves to move forward. And...will. Odds: 14:1.

Amanda Overmyer: Personality deficient, refuses to sell herself to the judges. That'll work against her in the long-run. But after Chicky, this was the best John/Paul of the night. Odds: 12:1.

Carly Smithson: "Who's that Irish girl?" asked Simon. Good Lord! The man's got senioritis already! How could he forget? Carly's worry has to be that others have forgotten who she is too. Please, please, please...Carly HAS to move on. (Plus, I want a professinal to win "Idol" so that this show can go into contortions trying to explain why it's still an amateur competition. Odds: 10:1.

Brooke White: My own personal dark horse. I actually thought her "Let it Be" was only OK, but it's what she does after the song; dabbing an eye and thanking the audience without affectation. I assure you, millions of others were dabbing their eyes too - as they dialed in her vote. Odds: 4:1.

We now have our top twelve (Amanda Overmyer, Brooke White, Carly Smithson, Chikezie, David Archuleta, David Cook, David Hernandez, Jason Castro, Kristy Lee Cook, Michael Johns, Ramiele Malubay and Syesha Mercado) and a very worthy crew this is.

But with the endgame developing, I share these "Idol" thoughts with you this morning, reserving the right to change them at a moment's notice the minute someone comes up with reasonable counterarguments.

How thrilled can "Idol" producers be that...David Archuleta is a such a ridiculous front-runner? They certainly have an idea at this point who they want to win - that is, who will ultimately sell the most stuff for RCA Records, Planet 19, and the 1001 other entities that exploit winners of this show. Archie's gotta be close or at the top of their list. But being the presumptive winner this early the game is not good because everyone assumes it's already over, so why vote for him anyway?

How thrilled can "Idol" producers be that....Carly Smithson might eventually pull this out? Everyone, or most everyone, deserves a second act in show biz, and Carls is getting her's now, (and she deserves it, given her evident talent.) But she sold like ten, or was it nine, albums when she had that big multi-million dollar contract for MCA last century. Will she do better with a new record label, or...?

How thrilled can "Idol" producers be that...David Hernandez might win? I think the guy's one of the most talented of the field, so he has a shot. But that stripper past..."Idol" producers say (or pretend that it) "doesn't matter." But what about Coke? I wonder how those guys feel? The winner's gotta represent their interests too (along with that of many other sponsors.) What's Coke's slogan these days? "The Coke Side of Life." I wonder if the Coke Side of Life includes lap-dancing?

How thrilled can "Idol" producers be that...Michael Johns is the winner? Fine singer, certainly, and plenty of talent. He has a real shot too. But he was born in Perth, Australia and still has a passable Aussie accent. It's a wonderful thing, but this is "AMERICAN Idol" is it not? Wonder how they'd feel down under if an American contestant rose to the top of Australia's "Idol" edition. I'll tell you how they'd feel - outraged! (That's the Aussies for you.) No one here'll care too much, but if Carls and Michael reach the top final two, can this show reasonably be named "American Idol" this season?

Those are my "Idol" thoughts for the day. Feel free to throw verbal darts...

Lucky you!

You are about to get the full benefit of my many years studying "American Idol" (I DO have a Yale PhD. in American Idology, by the way.) I will tell you who will advance to the final 12, who will falter. Who's got the upper hand. Who's got no hand. And by the odds which I have so generously posted below, you too will be able to see into the future to find out who will win the seventh season of the world's most watched show.

Enough babbling. Here's the handicap:

Asia'h Epperson, 19, Joplin. 10:1. Like her, but does she have that 'ol "remembrance" factor (in which you remember who she is.) Not sure.

Brooke White, 24, Mesa. 5:1. My own dark horse. No one picks her to win, but I see her advancing beyond tonight. (Of course, I'm the one who thought Marie O had a shot at winning "DWTS."

Danny Noriega, 18, Azusa, Ca. 50:1. Almost (not quite) winner of this season's Sanjaya Special Award. OK singer, snotty personality.

David Hernandez, 24, Glendale, Az. 4:1. Stripper Boy is a wonderful singer, and in my opinion better than Archie the Unbeatable. If only this guy knew how good he was...

Kady Malloy, 18, Houston. 1000:1. Gone tonight.

Michael Johns, 29, Buckland, Ga.: 5:2. Pro Boy is pretty good, knows how to work the stage, etc. etc. But is he likable? Hmmm.

Ramiele Malubay, 20, Miramar. 7:1. Love her! She's one of my favorites! She had a wonderful night last night! But will she go all the way? No.

Amanda Overmyer, 23, Mulberry, Tn. 9:2. Didn't really see why she was even in this comp, until last night's performance. She was commanding, and is easily in the top 12.

Chikezie, 22, Inglewood. 8:1. Love Chicky, and would love to see him make it to the final four. But...

Carly Smithson, 24, San Diego. 4:1. I've given poor Carly such a hard time because she's a pro in a competition that pretends to be an amateur competition. But I'm so over that. Why blame Carly because the producers were desperate to get reasonably high caliber talent this season after last season's flounders? She gets better...and better...and better..and...

David Archuleta, 17, Murray, Ut. 2:1. Beware the Sure Bet in "Idol." And by the way, isn't his stuff (so far) just a little bland and safe and dull? But the kid's great. Archie's in the final two or "Idol" will lose all credibility, forever.

David Cook, 25, Blue Springs, Mo. 5:1. Another one of my favorites. A really talented kid.

Jason Castro, 20, Rockwall, Tx. 6:1. Distinctive look and style, God knows. I think - and hope - he'll go far.

Kristy Lee Cook, 24, Selma. 20:1. Beauty queen with the nice voice. Last night was not good, though.

Luke Menard, 29, Crawfordsville, In. 25:1. Probably gone tonight, but could still surprise.

Syesha Mercado, 21, Sarasota. 20:1. Fine voice, but as Si might say, a little like a million others you might hear on the radio. Not sure what her style is, exactly.

The first pro is gone: Robbie Carrico, as you probably know, got the boot last night, but he's the first of "Idol's" professional-rich crop this season to find little favor with the fans.

Others gone: Alaina Whitaker, Jason Yeager, and Alexandrea Lushington. We're down to sixteen now.

Carrico a surprise? Not entirely, given the faux-rocker-I-wanna-be-Daughtry performances (and especially Tuesday night's pan by Simon) whose "Hot-Blooded" left everyone cold-blooded. Plus, voters may have been distracted by the raging hair debate: real or fake? It's REALLY hard to concentrate on a performance when you're studying the roots.

Nevertheless, Robbie knew how to do this, and he should: He was a member of "Boyz N Girlz United," which used to open (I understand) for Britney. He is, or was, also part of "Idol's" concerted effort to lift the quality of the field this season by salting in seasoned pros/or highly experienced and polished neophytes. Not that there's anything wrong with that (other than the fact that I always foolishly assumed this was an amateur competition), but the two current front-runners are also of that breed. You could argue, I suppose, that Joanne Borgella - also gone last week - was a "pro" too, but her background was in modeling/acting. Amy Davis? Also a model (Maxim...)

Lushington? Too bad. I liked her. Whitaker, too - girl next door type, and howabout that make-up job Wednesday. Yeager? Si was way too hard on this kid; yeah, it may have been a lounge lizard croon act, but he had a good voice and decent stage presence. Life goes on, but sorta wished he had too...

In any event, let's say goodbye to Robbie in style: He's a clip from the Boyz N Girlz days, and better days - apparently - they were. Plus, no wig:

Before I get to the meat of this quick blog, one quick observation about last night's "Idols" women edition: Wow. They're all, or mostly all, damn good. You can whine or moan or wheeze or blow about "style" or "pitch" or whatever, but still - wow. This is probably the best "Idol" crew in memory - an infinite improvement over last season. I could easily add a couple asterisks to this assessment - yeah, there were some weak performances, but nothing horrendous.

But let's get to this other observation: The Ones To Beat? They'll be beaten. (By the way, please check out the comments - I got some smart and thoughtful reactions to this blog, and you may well agree with them...)

I am amused by Simon's glowing tributes the last two nights to David Archuleta and Carly Smithson. You're the ones to beat! His direct quote re: Carly: "I don't think the other girls can touch you..."

But comments like this consign the recipient to...well, you know what. An exit.

Here's why. First, forget that these two contestants are in fact marvelous - they're SUPPOSED to be, as part of "Idol's" concerted effort to avoid dogs making it into the final rounds (as has happened too frequently in recent years.) They are top notch...they are budding pros...Smithson (as you all know) WAS a pro...and Archie is so good he could have easily taken the traditional route of agent/to-role-on-"iCarly" (or one of those shows)/to record deal.

We call that the Ashley Tisdale route.

But here's the thing, friends. When You're the One To Beat, you're the one people ultimately don't end up voting for. They assume you've already GOT the vote, so why bother?

We call this The Melinda Doolittle Syndrome.

She was the greatest singer in "Idol" history, by far. She was indeed the Great One.

Where O' where is Mel now?

Here's my choice of the one to beat: Brooke White.

But what do I know.

(Above, Brooke White, the real one to beat?)

The biggest "Idol" news of the year broke yesterday, and some of us are now left to wonder: Did Michael Jackson have something to do with this?

Ryan Seacrest broke that news on his radio show yesterday morning, saying that Sony/ATV has FINALLY given "American Idol" the rights to perform songs from the Beatles' catalog.

That's just under 200 songs, and some of them - OK, many of them - the greatest of the 20th century.

It's a huge break for "Idol" (as if "Idol" needs a huge break) because it has tried to get 'em for years but has met resistance for reasons both mysterious and obscure. "When the Top 12 sing for the first time this season, it will be the music of Lennon and McCartney," top boss Nigel Lythgoe told Seacrest (as quoted in RealityTVworld.com.) "We've given them a list because it's all of the early songs -- from 'I Want to Hold Your Hand' to 'Got to Get You Into My Life.' These fantastic songs. It's one of the few areas that everybody knows."

Why now, after all the foot-dragging? Said Lythgoe, "I think it was the talent this year. They see that it's real talent, and hear it. Everyone's so good this season, that they're saying, 'Yeah, go ahead. Sing the songs.'"

Well...ummm...ahhh...As we say in the TV trade, that sounds bogus (no offense, Nigel.) Money certainly changed hands - lots and lots of green - and the banks apparently are about to auction off Neverland, so...back to that question about MJ.

Yes, the first thought you may have, or at least I did: What did Michael Jackson have to do with this? Neverland was, in fact, scheduled to go to auction in mid-March but CNN is now reporting that Jacko has kept the wolves at the door by raising a loan and will now avoid foreclosure.

Jackson appeared poised to sell his share of the catalog (total value around half a billion, with 251 songs, although Lythgoe used the 180 figure) back to Sony a couple of years ago. Because of the legal problems, the gloved one's financial condition was so desperate that it looked like he was about to part with one of the world's greatest cultural treasures. There was a flurry of press at the time (2005) that it was even a fait accompli.

But...it's unclear whether he actually ever did sell.

If sold, he likely had nothing to do with the "Idol" Beatles deal; if not sold, maybe he did, and "Idol" has saved Neverland.

I'll try to get to the bottom of this curious story, sports fans.

In any event, yesterday's coincidence is certainly interesting...

Illustration, top: Günter Edlinger

“American Idol” arrives on iTunes today with a free video download of white fright Renaldo Lapuz bowing to Ryan Seacrest, the better to whet your appetite for more.

(That’s “your” appetite. Not mine.)

But the main iTunes attraction, which you gotta pay for, is the availability of all musical performances by the top 24 contenders in Hollywood (presented in alphabetical order by first name, since we’re all BFFs). For 99 cents a pop -- that’s per person, per song -- these audio stylings become available the morning after each telecast, the better to grab your money before your brain kicks in to rethink the cost. (You can even “pre-order” downloads to avoid thought altogether.)

But don’t look for competition clues by whose downloads sell most. Sorry, “iTunes and Fox are committed to presenting contestants in a fair and balanced manner online and on-air,” reads the small print. “For this reason, sales of performances from ‘American Idol’ contestants from the current season will not be reflected in the iTunes charts.”

They’ll be happy to post and profit, however, from sales of previous seasons’ tunes, in case you just haven’t had enough of Clay Aiken’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water.”

More details here.

One of the things fans come to "Idol" for - or maybe one of the things this fan comes for - is that indelible sense of there-for-the-grace-of-God (and maybe a little more talent) go I. That person up there - that person could be ME! It's the reality part of reality TV, or that innate sense of identification or rejection (oh, I HATE that contestant cuz she reminds me of the mean girl at school, blah blah...)

So, as usual, Simon was right: Losing Kyle Ansley was a mistake.

He wasn't gonna get far, this kid. He wasn't gonna get to the top twelve. He wasn't gonna win. But he WAS gonna add that extra dimension of simple heartfelt appeal which much of this top 24 seems to lack. (Seems to - there are clearly some people we don't know yet.) Oh, most are good and attractive and talented and (in more than a few instances) professional. But Kyle had no wall between him and the camera - no artifice or camera smarts or polished, gimlet-eyed, mother-staged savvy. He was just there - with some talent and sweetness and everyman/woman-ness.

Now, gone.

I liked the way Simon stuck up for the kid. Liked the way he said he was "Really really disappointed."

Not to feel too bad for Kyle. He won a foreign affairs fellowship at Oklahoma State last summer. Here's what he said at the time: “I’m so excited. The fellowship is typically awarded to students from Ivy League schools like Harvard, Yale and Princeton, and I am blessed to have been selected and represent Oklahoma State University.”

“I enjoy learning about people. Representing American’s interests abroad and visiting cultures around the world will be very fulfilling,”

Smart AND gracious. It would've been fun to follow him, if only for a few weeks.

Meanwhile, still waiting for "Idol" to tell thirty million viewers that several of these final 24 have had some professional experience - including an album produced by a top record label - while there's a "Star Search" winner here too.

Not that there's anything wrong with.

Waiting and waiting and waiting....

Why is "Idol" being so coy?

Here's your top 24 list. Remember these names. They'll be with us for a while now...

David Cook, Amanda Overmyer, David Archuleta, Kristy Lee Cook, Brooke White, Danny Noriega, Jason Castro, Luke Menard, Alexandra Lushington, Ramiele Malubay, Syesha Mercado, Robbie Carrico, Garrett Haley, Kady Malloy, Amy Davis,Alaina Whitaker, Jason Yeager, Asia’h Epperson, David Hernandez, Colton Berry, Joanne Borgella, Carly Smithson and Michael Johns.

There were so many interesting questions that came out of last night's "Idol" that I suppose the best way to handle them all is just ask 'em, and let 'em hang there. So here goes.

I was just wondering...

...when is "Idol" going to at least HINT that Michael Johns, Carly Smithson and Kristy Lee Cook have had professional experience?

...how Josiah Leming is going to handle possible (probable) rejection?

...whether Danny Noriega is the next Sanjaya?

...why Robbie Carrico looks like Axl Rose?

...why Colton Berry looks like Josiah?

...will Kyle Ensley be the next Sanjaya?

...why Kyle Ensley is my favorite contestant so far?

...why Perry Cataldo got dropped (thought he seemed kinda good during that a capella shootout)?

...whether "Idol" will ever show clips of the time David Archuleta - who's probably a front-runner already - won junior singer comps at "Star Search" in 2003?

...why Angela Martin got dropped (who I thought was good) and (whether it's just a coincidence that there's also an Angela Martin in "The Office?")

(Right: David A., from his "Star Search" days; courtesy: CBS)

Can’t get enough “American Idol?” Never fear: Fox has just enhanced your viewing pleasure.

The network announced today that it will expand the already-excruciating-at-30 minutes Wednesday results show to one hour, effective March 12.

Fox also let us know that “Idol Gives Back” will air as a TWO-HOUR special on Wednesday, April 9 and in keeping with the show’s kumbaya spirit, no one will be eliminated that night.

So the results show that week will be on Thursday. And that means an “Idol” triple play that week.

You’ve been warned.

Remember that moment on last night's show...who could forget? A memorable "Idol" moment for the ages (or at least until we forget in a couple hours.)

This wonderful corn-fed talent-free kid named Chris Bernheisel comes on bearing gifts for Simon and Randy (Paula was sleeping in - hey, this gig only pays $10 million a year...) He mangles a song, then charms the uncharmable Simon into harassing the local Fox affiliate - KPTM/42 - to hire him for its red carpet coverage of the finale.

Bulletin: The corn-fed Fox affiliate has apparently declined. Or at least that's the way it appears: Check out the station's website and go to the video with Bernheisel and the two local anchors; it's an amusing addendum to last night, and Bernheisel even breaks a little news of his own - that "Access Hollywood" has offered a Red Carpet on-camera gig for the kid. "Oh my gosh - 'Access Hollywood' has called, MTV, the Fox [station] out of LA...'"

The Fox station out of Omaha - which had a golden opportunity plumped right in its lap? Apparently no call from station management there. The anchors end the interview by saying they'll check back with him now and then, and otherwise don't let the door hit you on the way out.

We call this in the trade a "badly bungled promotion opportunity."

Now, I wonder if Simon will call and harass them personally?

By week two of "AI," we should all be able to spot a season trend and this one has now pretty much already driven into our living rooms like the proverbial eighteen-wheeler barreling down the highway.

Let's call this trend: The Pro Masking As Amateur. There's been plenty of reporting on this so far, so you're not hearing it here for the first time, no doubt, but last night's show perfectly clarified what I'm talking about. We speak of Carly Hennessy - oops, I mean, Carly Smithson, with the husband who looks like a star of "Miami Ink."

She's a pro, but "Idol" - per its wont - dressed up her audition as just another inspiring Horatio Alger tale of the aspiring Irish singer who got a ticket to Hollywood three years ago, only to have her hopes dashed by some U.S. Immigration troglodyte who denied her a visa.

She had an OK audition last night - Simon, more prickly than usual, said the one three years ago was better - but she got a yellow ticket anyway. Not revealed: That Smithson is a pro who once had a record contract with MCA, and even released an album six years ago.

Did poorly. So poorly that the Wall Street Journal did a PAGE ONE STORY on the poor girl.

Here's the top of the piece, which ran Feb. 26, 2002, by Jennifer Ordonez, with other excerpts below:

MARINA DEL REY, Calif. -- Eighteen-year-old recording artist Carly Hennessy is packing up her small apartment. Her promotional posters will go into storage, and the beige rental couch will be returned. A weight-control message that the slender teen scrawled in marker on the refrigerator -- "NO, U R FAT" -- will be wiped clean.

For two years, Vivendi Universal SA's MCA Records paid the rent here while Ms. Hennessy prepared for pop stardom. And that's not all: the label so far has spent about $2.2 million to make and market her new album, an upbeat pop recording called "Ultimate High." "Some people just struggle," she says. "I was very, very lucky."

Not lucky enough. "Ultimate High" was released in stores nationwide three months ago. So far, it has sold only 378 copies -- amounting to about $4,900 at its suggested retail price.

In many other industries, this would be considered an extraordinary bomb. But in today's troubled music business, it's routine. Of the thousands of albums released in the U.S. each year by the five major record companies, fewer than 5% become profitable, music executives say."

[Then, dear TVZone reader, there was this...]

"By April 2001, with the album still unfinished, MCA decided to try to get Ms. Hennessy some notice by releasing her first single, a bouncy tune called "I'm Gonna Blow Your Mind." Its opening lines:

"I really really, I really really, I really really, I really really, I really really want to kiss you/

But much more than that/

Boy, I'm gonna blow your mind."

It was a risky choice. MCA realized the song's subject matter -- oral sex -- made it unlikely to get much exposure on youth-oriented outlets deemed important in launching young artists, like the Radio Disney network of stations. But executives felt it was Ms. Hennessy's catchiest song. MCA spent $250,000 on a video that showed Ms. Hennessy dancing in a disco and jumping around with pals in their sleepwear. On a call-in show, Nickelodeon asked viewers to rate 30 seconds of the video, but the audience was unresponsive. The video was quickly shelved."

[And also this...]

"[Another single] "Beautiful You" got even less airplay than the first single. With no radio play, MCA and Mr. Copeland decided against a concert tour. Retailers, meanwhile, were leery of investing much in an album by an artist who seemed to be going nowhere. Music stores had stocked 50,000 copies of Ms. Hennessy's first two singles, and sold about 17,000, according to SoundScan. So when it came time to order the "Ultimate High" album, retailers bought just 10,000 copies, MCA says. With virtually no radio play or press, there was little hope for the album as it hit stores. 'It was not rejected by the public,' [and MCA exec said.] 'We just never made it to the public.'"

OK, enough with the excerpts. So what's the problem you ask - beyond the fact that "Idol" is up to something sneaky?

The trend is this: That "Idol's" popping more pros/semi-pros into the Hollywood rounds than ever before, doubtless to avert last year's debacle season, and de-fang troublesome w