The TV Zone

"Sarah, what can we do to convince you? Name it...anything...Lorne? He'll be nice. Promise."

No, no, NOOO!

That is, no Sarah Sixpack Palin on this Thursday's special primetime edition. This, my friends, is the official word from no less an authority than Seth Meyers, whom I just got off the phone with.

When I asked Seth about said rumors - that Palin might actually show to meet Tina Fey Palin face to face, thereby setting off a quantum reaction that would make the disappearing island in "Lost" look like child's play, he said: "Of those specific rumors, there's no truth. We do have an open door policy, but there's nothing specific yet, but our window of opportunity is before the election. We'd love to have McCain and Obama on again, too. Our doors are always open."

So...let me get this straight. Sarah Sixpack has told "SNL" no way, and that "I'm gonna pass up a chance to get on every front page of every newspaper in this wonderful land of ours, just so's I can talk to some nice ladies at a PTA function in Omaha."

And...that she'd much rather do a boring placid interview that would stretch the bounds of tedium with some local station in Dubuque rather than appear on this Thursday's "SNL," where she'd have a chance to make fun of herself, AND Tina, AND get McCain some more votes, AND prove to America that she's really a cool lady and all that other stuff that comes with appearances like these?

Are you telling me this?

Would somebody please get me the number of her chief media consultant so I can speed-dial the pup and utter these five words: "You, sir, are a nincompoop."

Anywhoo - as Sixpack might say - I asked Seth (who's also the show's top writer) whether she might turn up for one of the other two Thursday specials this month or the Monday pre-election one-off. Sayeth Seth: "We'd love to have her [and] we spoke to her earlier [before] the time Tina did her, and it seemed like something was going to work out." The problem, he says, is "the schedule. They're all pretty busy."

What Seth seems to be saying - if I may be so bold - is that Sixpack could still show up on "SNL" this month.

Do I need to spell out the reasons to her media consultant WHY!?