The TV Zone

Here are the five things I learned from watching the very first episode of "Saturday Night Live," which NBC aired this weekend as a tribute to the show's host, George Carlin.

1. John Belushi played a character who lived in Mattituck in a semi-funny skit about a TV show called "Victims of Shark Bites" (isn't that show on NBC's fall schedule for this September?)

2. During a filmed segment called "Show Us Your Guns," the camera briefly panned to a gas station where a gallon cost... 67 cents! And I remember being really annoyed back then that gas could get so high.

3. The very first Bee segment, "Bee Hospital," may have been historic, but it wasn't all that funny.

4. Too many of these people are no longer with us: Carlin, Belushi, Gilda Radner, guest singer Billy Preston, writer Michael O'Donoghue, guest Andy Kaufman.

5. Announcer Don Pardo, however may be 112, but he's still with us. And he really did call the show's ensemble The Not For Ready Primetime Players.

This may be huge news in Scranton, but it's news to me: "The Office Games" will take in the queen city of the Lackawanna valley on July 19. It's billed as a "full day of Dunder Mifflin style fun," and will be hosted by Kelly Kapoor, otherwise known as someone named Mindy Kaling.

Now, if this all sounds suspiciously (to you) like a publicity stunt to advertise a new "Office" board and DVD game, then your suspicion is well-founded.

Here's the full-day sched:

9:00 a.m. – 2K Fun Run [Wear your favorite office attire! Prizes for best dressed, best character look-a-likes and fastest.]

10:30 a.m. – "The Office" Trivia Challenge [Are you an "Assistant to the Regional Manager" or the "Regional Manager" when it comes to "The Office" trivia? The Challenge will feature questions from "The Office" Trivia Game.]

12:00 p.m. – Beet Eating Contest [Straight from Dwight's farm...well, after being canned.]

1:30 p.m. – 2:30 p.m. – Autograph Session [The first 125 customers who purchase "The Office" DVD Board Game or "The Office" Trivia Game at Boscov's at The Mall at Steamtown in Scranton, PA, on July 19 will be able meet Mindy Kaling and have her autograph their game.]

In a canned quote, Kelly said: "I have been to Scranton before and am really excited to return for this fun event!"

And...in "Office" casting news: NBC did just now formally confirm a batch of trade reports this ayem, that Amy Ryan will be back in season 5 to reprise her Holly Flax role. She'll be on board for "multiple" episodes. Is this a surprise? Hardly! She was great and the last we saw of her, she was driving off with Kevin, whom she believed to be retarded...

You heard about this spin-off/another-surefire-way-to-exploit-"HSM" reality show based on "High School Musical?" It's called “High School Musical: Get in the Picture.” Hosted by Nick Lachey, it's one of those comp series that's looking for the country's most talented teens, etc. Winner won't necessarily get a spot in "HSM III" or "IV" but they will get noticed and get noticed on primetime tv; bows July 20.

In any event, the show will be at Jones Beach on July 5, this Saturday, and Sunday at Robert Moses. Bring your talent and bring your sunscreen.

Press release details: The show will go to to "beaches on both coasts with branded ice cream trucks offering games and prizes. Beach goers will be able to cool off with free ice cream at East and West Coast locations over the 4th of July weekend and on additional dates leading up to the premiere of the show.

"In addition, visitors can win prizes including Kmart gift cards, t-shirts, DVDs and soundtracks, and participate in various games and events, including karaoke, a trivia wheel and a green screen photo booth -- so you can literally 'Get in the Picture' of 'High School Musical.'”

It'll be at parking lot 4 at JB, and Field 5 at RMB.

(Photo: Oooooh! It's Nick...yoohoo, NICK, over here!!! Pix by Gerardo Mora / Getty Images.)

(JC by Stefano Paltera)

Jesus will star in the AMC remake of "The Prisoner," the network announced a few minutes ago. Oh, and Gandalf too.

Heck of a cast, wouldn't you say?

The much-touted, etc. six-part mini which'll air sometime next year, is based - as you are richly aware - on the '67 classic starring Patrick McGoohan. As you also recall, Mac played a secret service agent who decided to retire and go on a long-deserved vacation. He was kidnapped and put in a place called the Village and assigned a number ("6") and was constantly being bothered by the Village boss (Number "2") and wanted (of course) to escape but Number "1" (the real boss) always thwarted him. And so on. It was a great show, or so I'm told. If he had been around at the time, this probably woulda been a Kafka's favorite, too.

Caviezel will play No."6," while Ian McKellen is "2."

“Bill Gallagher’s [series writer] new version of The Prisoner is an enthralling commentary on modern culture. It is witty, intelligent and disturbing. I am very excited to be involved,” said McKellen.

"Jim Caviezel and Ian McKellen bring an incredible level of talent to the project, and we’re honored they are taking on these important roles. We look forward to this production revitalizing a classic and bringing Patrick McGoohan’s brilliant and captivating story to an entirely new generation of viewers,” said AMC bossman Charlie Collier.

(Photo: I love this shot of Caviezel - taken by Stefano Paltera - during "The Passion of the Christ" days. Don't you?)

This...?????

Or....this???????

Or, too much of THIS???????

Do they allow drinking during the Emmy judging panel sessions? You know - with bottles of Grey Goose, or maybe just Popov, set up conveniently, and prominently, around the table? How else to explain what seems to be going on in Beverly Hills right now, with the Emmy judges passing judgment on the dramas that will be selected for distinction this September?

I was amused, then appalled, by this report from Goldderby.com, that reliable Emmy watcher hosted and run by Tom O'Neil. This morning from the battlefield front lines, Tom writes:

"So far Gold Derby has received two trusty spy reports from Emmy judges who participated in the voting panels conducted on Saturday at the TV academy and the Beverly Hilton Hotel. Both agree that four shows have an excellent chance to be nominated for best drama series: 'Boston Legal,' 'Damages,' 'House' and 'Mad Men.' However, the judges differ radically on what the fifth show may be plus disagree on general reax to submissions by 'The Wire,' 'Grey's Anatomy' and 'Lost.'"

"Differ radically?"

Are they drunk?

Or insane?

How can anyone - seriously - sit around a table and "differ radically" over whether "Wire" or "Lost" is better or worse than "Grey's Anatomy?" This - after they just ushered "Boston Legal" into the final round?

As always, I'm jumping to conclusions. Tom's spies may have been the ones tipping from the Popov jug, and got all this wrong. When the finalists are announced mid-July, we will see "Wire," "Lost," "Mad Men," "House," and "Damages" (though I still think "Friday Night Lights" shoulda/coulda been a finalist...)

We'll see. But this is Emmy, and...

The Screen Actors Guild contract is up, oh, just about twelve hours from now, and to many in Hollywood and beyond, that moment represents - or has represented - D Minute, when thousands of SAG-repped thesps storm the Studio's bastille and, by so doing, halt the production of hundreds of shows from sea to sea. And following weeks of a standoff - not to mention an internecine battle now underway between SAG and AFTRA - a strike seemed closer to a certainty than not just last week.

But suddenly, all's looking well, for the moment at least. In a statement to the press yesterday, SAG boss said a strike isn't going to happen right now. This may have been an attempt to take the PR high-ground from the studios which could - theoretically - lock out the actors tomorrow morning. The theory is that a hardball move like this would force actors to take a contract, but a lockout also seems inconceivable because that shuts down the industry once again, just months after the crippling writers' action ended. For producers, that's called cutting off your nose to spite your face.

“We have taken no steps to initiate a strike-authorization vote by the members of Screen Actors Guild,” said Alan Rosenberg, who's been waging a rear-guard action against AFTRA to sink its proposed contract. “Any talk about a strike or a management lockout at this point is simply a distraction. The Screen Actors Guild national negotiating committee is coming to the bargaining table every day in good faith to negotiate a fair contract for actors.”

What happens next? Everyone waits til next Monday to see if AFTRA members support or reject their new contract. If the smaller union rejects - unlikely but one never knows - then that gives SAG more power at the bargaining table, but also gives the studios another reason for a lock-out.

What do I think will happen? Glad you asked. AFTRA passes, SAG ultimately gets a new deal, and everyone lives happily ever after, or for two years, after which point everyone - writers AND actors - go on strike together and force some genuinely meaningful concessions from the studios.

(Photo: Genaro Molina of the Los Angeles Times. Are we about to see repeats like this one already?!)

After years of Emmy ignominy, "The Wire" appears poised to get a Best Drama Emmy nomination when awards are announced July 17.

How do we know this? Because in an unusual move, the Emmys Thursday night announced drama and comedy finalists, or -- as Emmy put it -- the "top ten vote-getters." The so-called blue-ribbon panel screenings of these vote-getters takes place on June 28 and 29. Then? I'll let Emmy explain: "The results of those panels, who will watch and judge the work of each finalist, represent 50 percent of the vote. Both results will be averaged together to come up with our five nominees in each category . . ."

But I'm burying my lede. You are dying to find out what the other shows are. Dying . . . and I'm delaying here, or to use a fancy word, temporizing, just to build the excitement, anticipation, thrills.

Oh, for Chrissakes, Gay, will you please open the damn envelop.

Without further temporizing, dear friends, herewith the list -- ta dum. (Quickie analysis to follow.)

Top 10 Comedy Series Finalists

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Entourage
Family Guy
Flight of the Conchords
The Office
Pushing Daisies
30 Rock
Two and a Half Men
Ugly Betty
Weeds

Top 10 Drama Series Finalists

Boston Legal
Damages
Dexter
Friday Night Lights
Grey’s Anatomy
House
Lost
Mad Men
The Tudors
The Wire

Quickie analysis

Comedies: No "Desperate Housewives" in comedy? After a pretty good season? This crop looks strong, but I'm befuddled by "Family Guy;" I must be missing something but after 20 years, the greatest show in TV history, "Simpsons", couldn't crack this list because it was animated, and had to settle for that silly and insignificant "animated" category. Why does "FG" earn a bye here? Meanwhile, glad to see "Weeds" which deserved to be here before (but you know Emmy!) and absolutely thrilled to see "Californication" is not. Thanks God, this isn't the Golden Globes. What should be on the final list? "Weeds," "Rock," "Men," "Conchords," "Office."

Dramas: What sticks outta this list like a broken thumb (swollen to 10 times its size?) You are correct, sir / madame! "Grey's," which belongs on this about as much as "One Tree Hill;" in fact, "Hill" has more right to be here than "Grey's," which had a stinky season. (Just ask Kate Heigl!) Of course my heart is gladdened by the fact that "Lost" is here. What should be on the final list? "The Wire," "Mad Men," "Lost," "Friday Night Lights" (hmmmm), and "Damages."

Bob Keeshan, who played Captain Kangaroo for 29 years (1955-84), would have been 81 today.

The entertainer, a Long Island resident for most of his life, died on Jan. 23, 2004.

I still have one burning question, which maybe somebody out there can answer: Did Captain Kangaroo have a first name?

Meanwhile, here's the classic opener from the show, a melody that will undoubtedly continue playing in your head all day.

In case you can't get enough "Camp Rock." (And you know who you are...)

You can watch and sing-along with a special edition of the Disney Channel movie Saturday at 8 p.m. in which song lyrics will be visible on screen.

And if you haven't memorized those lyrics yet -- and shame on you, if you haven't -- lyric sheets are also available here. The special will be hosted by the movie's stars: Joe Jonas, Kevin Jonas, Nick Jonas, Demi Lovato, Alyson Stoner, Meaghan Jette Martin and Anna Maria Perez de Tagle.

And if you haven't seen it yet: check out Newsday's video of Demi performing earlier this week at the Crazy Donkey in Farmingdale here.

OK, I guess it's getting near the end of the day and we all need a good laugh, or something. Anyway, one of my many astute readers (thanks, Rob Shapiro!) reminded me the other day about the time "Saturday Night Live" did a classic bit on a Japanese game show, and now that ABC's new summer time-filler, "I Survived A Japanese Game Show" looks like a modest break-out hit, it's as good a time as any to revive that old "SNL" chestnut. It starred Chris Farley and Mike Myers (and check out a very young and somewhat attenuated Alec Baldwin.) If you've got seven minutes to spare, check it out here - hilarious BUT maybe not quite appropriate for eyes under the age of fourteen or so...

Chris Noth, who's been as tied to TV's longest-running drama just about as long as white has been tied to rice, is leaving "L&O: Criminal Intent" at the end of this season. His last episode will air Aug. 24. And...here's the second part of this big news: He'll be replaced by Jeff Goldblum.

No official word on why, but "money" or "better career options" or "new creative directions" are usually cited (or not cited, as the case my be.) Also, Mr. Big did just star in a major motion picture that was a major success, and when that happens, the small tube almost always seems like a paler career option than the silver screen.

Here's Dick Wolf's statement, and - I can't be sure here - but I think he dusted off pretty much the same statement he used the last time Noth split:

"Chris has been a member of the 'Law and Order' family since the beginning, and Mike Logan is one of the most popular detectives in the history of television. We all wish him well."

As you know..."CI" only airs on USA (season ends in late August) and NBC hasn't made a decision yet whether to repurpose on the big network. The Goldblum "CI" will begin airing in fall of '08.

Noth's history with "L&O" dates allllll the way back to '90, when he was an original castmember; left five years later, signed on to a little show called "Sex and the City," then bootlegged it back to "L&O:CI" in (I believe) 2005. Goldblum? He's done plenty 'o TV, and most recently headlined "Raines" - a smart detective show for NBC.