I'm back!
(Or, Gay said grimly to himself, I'm back.)
"What?" (Says you.) "You were gone? I didn't even notice."
Oh, you're a clever one. I appreciate the wit. In fact, this blog was handled in my absence by my able and hardworking editor and colleague, Andy Edelstein. I was on something called a "vacation." I highly recommend it.
I was down in North Carolina. You're not going to believe this, but they don't have TV down in North Carolina. For entertainment, they run through the woods, shooting at wild boars (or so I'm told.) "American Idol?" They think it's some sort of wild boar. Never heard of it. Flava Flav? They think that's some kinda sody pop. "Dancing with the Stars." They like to dance with the moonshine down in North Carolina, if ya know what I mean.
Actually, I'm kidding. They do have TV.
It's just that I forgot to watch it. I also highly recommend that on occasion. (TV Turnoff week BTW began yesterday.)
But we need to catch up, and since all of you depend solely on this blog for news about the TV industry and other assorted chicanery, let's just go through everything as quickly as possible.
Kristy Lee: Did you hear? Ha. Ha. Of course you heard. My God, she finally got voted off. The only thing that gobsmacked me about this was - what took so long? I'm pretty certain votefortheworst - those scamps - kept her in the hunt this long. She wasn't bad, this FOB (Friend of Britney), she just wasn't as good as the rest. Plus, Michael Johns gone before KL? Jeez.
ABC News debate: I hear that Charlie Gibson showed up dressed in a clown costume and George Stephanopoulos was in some sort of court jester get-up. Very odd. They asked the candidates about stuff like their pin lapels and what sort of cereal they eat, and this hugely important question: Pizza: thin crust or regular? The debate was roundly panned! Apparently viewers thought the two anchors had trivialized the whole process. Imagine.
Tony Snow joins CNN: This is good news cuz it means the guy has beaten his cancer AGAIN. He's an amazing guy and I'm happy for him. But some people will interpret this to mean that Fox News - where he worked all those years - got bushwhacked (so to speak) by its arch-rival. In fact, I kinda doubt that - FNC and Snow never got along. It was a truly poisonous relationship.
"Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles:" Re-newed! Yes, that's huge news. I thought this bubble had burst, but nooo. Fox just announced this, plus dropped the additional news (no biggie) that Brian Austin Green is gonna be a series regular too.
Prez Bush on "Deal or No Deal:" I missed this, getting in from the moonshine state a little too late. But yes, the thought occurred to me as well. If Howie Mandel decides to step aside for any reason, I think I've got a perfect replacement for him. Plus, this has never been done - although Bill Clinton once thought of doing a talk show.
Gary Dourdan Leaving "CSI:" Holy cow (again.) This is true. I don't fully understand why. He's smart enough not to ask for a raise - ya know what Billy Petersen does to people who ask for a raise on his show. I'm guessing it's the old standby reason: ratings decline, show-runners decide to shake up cast...
Above: Me on vacation! Actually, Brian Austin Green on vacation. Not for long - he's got a fulltime gig on "Sarah Connor."