The TV Zone

We've got the wrap on last night's "Dancing with the Stars" right here, right now, so read on:

Mark Cuban: Sorry Billionaire Guy - the field has left you far far behind. He did a (zzzz) rendition of the Viennese Waltz that (zzzzzz) would have even put Vienna to sleep. Competent but dull. Who knows how the voting will turn out, but Cuban's headed for the exits after last night, if there's any justice on "DWTS" (and if the people of Vienna are allowed to vote.)

Sabrina Bryan: Bad luck...no, terrible luck...no, worst "DWTS" luck imaginable for Cuban to be followed by Sabs. This was her best dance of the competition, even though you can say that every week. Watch Cuban, then watch her, and the thought occurs: Is this whole thing cooked? She's so obviously better than everyone else that one might imagine this is all a big set-up for the third "Cheetah Girls" Disney Channel movie next year. Oh, but that would be so cynical. TV people never think that way...

Jane Seymour: Actually, nice turn on the floor for Jane, but the best part was that little tiff with Carrie Ann who argued that they broke some sort of arcane Viennese Waltz rule (after awakening from the Billionaire Guy performance, the city of Vienna is now in an uproar!!) She still got nice scores, and she's still very much safe.

Floyd Mayweather: Holy toledo (Spain!): What the hell was THAT!? I don't know, but man, it was weird. But "good" weird. Or maybe just "weird" weird. I can't make up my mind. He did the paso doble, by the way. The judges didn't love it, but what a shame if Boxing Man doesn't come back next week for more weirdness.

Scary: Mel B. was terrific again - Vienna cheered! (And then fell asleep again.)

Cam Mathison: Spendido Camerino...I thought this guy was a cinder block a couple weeks ago, but what did I know. His paso doble was the best (guy) paso doble of the night. He's the perfect example of the amateur who gets better week to week. Cam moves on!

Jennie Garth: Another good one (and all these good paso dobles were starting to make Boxing Man's bizarro paso doble romp just a little stranger as the night went on...) Jenn's really something. I think she's quite the competitor, with heart. On she must go.

Helio: Well, anyone who reads this weekly wrap knows what I think of 'Neves; he's the best guy - non-pro, natch - on the floor. He's pure charisma, and a good hoofer too. Nice waltzing last night.

Marie Osmond: I did it again! A technology glitch! (Or was it a mental one?) And so, I missed Marie's paso. Forgive me, dear girl. Forgive me.