The TV Zone

What’s that old well-worn line that critics like to deploy when feeling especially snarky or spent – “We watch so that you don't have to?” Well, after sitting through the "Fourth Hour of Today Show" (FHOTS), I'm just gonna twist that line inside out: From now on, YOU watch, so I don't have to...

I felt the pain. Now it's your turn to feel the pain.

The Fourth Hour is utter glop, with no reason for being, no purpose, no intelligence, no thought, no energy, and no originality. Remember "Later Today," the third hour at the turn of the century that derailed or sidelined a whole bunch of careers? That was actually better.

Hosted by Ann Curry, Hoda Kotb and Natalie Morales, the premiere of "FHOTS" flopped on the deck like a flatulent flounder - full of gas, babble, blather, and bubbleheaded banter. (Do flounders, flatulent or otherwise, engage in bubbleheaded banter? This one does…) Oh Lord, why don't producers learn that viewers at home aren’t as stupid as they look? Just because we're sitting in front of the TV chewing on popcorn at ten on a weekday morning doesn't mean we're utter morons. It could just mean that we like popcorn.

This show? Man, it's stupid. Where to begin? Ann? You know, I know, everyone at NBC knows, and now the rest of the world knows, that she can't anchor a show on her own. She's a good cue card reader at "Dateline." Did a nice and honorable job in Sudan. She dealt with Katie's abuse for years (and even seemed to like it.) And she even manages to handle the news chores on "Today" professionally and with relatively few verbal bobbles. And manages to skate through The Third Hour. (Thank you, Al.) Here? She's naked. Ann needs a good producer in the control room - her own Jeff Zucker - or at least someone like Roker sitting next to her.

“What is the philosophy, the mantra, the THING…?,” she asks some guests. Yes, what IS the philosophy, the mantra, the thing? (Do flatulent flounders have philosophies, mantras and things? This one doesn’t.)

“FHOTS “ features the three ladies sitting at a desk, chatting vapidly about important topics of the day, like Britney Spears. Morales observed that the world was "dissing her on lack of clothing..." Well no, Natalie: The world was dissing her on her lack of talent.

There was an opening segment on women who are "graying gracefully,' or how - it baldly stated - "that an increasing number of women are choosing to say goodbye to hair color..."

Really? Says who? What are the stats? Any evidence at all of this "trend?" Anywhere? Just a smidgen? One itsy bitsy fact that establishes this? Well, actually not one at all, or none that "FHOTS" cared to share. Then the studio camera returned to the set for a chat segment, and the first face we see? A dark-haired Nora Ephron, who admitted to a dye job! And - with the exception of one guest - so did everyone else on the roundtable! You can't make this up!

Enough. I'm beginning to babble like that flounder. I've gotta go make some popcorn. "The Fourth Hour of Today Show?" It's all your's, folks.