You’d think being a WWE wrestler would toughen you up. Doesn’t seem to have happened, though, for Ashley Massaro [at center of CBS photo, with bandana]. The East Northport native makes quite an impression, all right, on Thursday’s season premiere of “Survivor: China” (8 p.m. on CBS/2). Just not the best kind.
The buxom blonde shows up in fishnets and combat boots (and lip piercings), and immediately rolls up into a ball saying she’s sick. Her yellow-themed Zhan Hu tribe isn’t so healthy competitively, either, beset by disorganization, infighting and endless whining. The rival, red Fei Long tribe manages to suck it up through a drenching rain at what “Survivor” host Jeff Probst calls the “harsh and remote land” of China’s Lake of a Thousand Islands.
The opening scenic tour is grand indeed -- a 16th century Buddhist temple, the Great Wall, pandas and monkeys, bamboo rainforests. The tribes are even handed scrolls from which to read the ancient Chinese treatise “The Art of War,” in which neither they nor the show evinces much interest. As always, the castaways are busier sizing each other up and plotting strategy.
The show meanwhile dedicates its energy to creating “characters.” Shy/hunky southern gravedigger James. Laconic/older farmer “Chicken.” Shallow NYC waitress Courtney. Bossy Chinese-American Peih-Gee. Gay Mormon flight attendant Todd. And his unlikely confidant, macho/cunning poker player Jean-Robert Bellande [right rear of photo, in black shirt], who hails from Commack but now lives in Vegas (natch).
They’re as mixed a bunch as any, but hardly earth-shakers. And the season’s vaunted China location quickly devolves into ethnic banality. The suspense-boosting music carries a vaguely Asian sound as the teams carry heavy parade dragons through the swamp and over the drawbridge in their premiere-night challenge.
Sneak a video peek here.