Wow. Can you feel the excitement of the night that has nearly arrived - and naturally, I speak of "Dancing with the Stars," season five (WABC/7 at 8).
This is a big deal, for "Dancing" fans anyway, so let's get straight down to business. Who's gonna win?
I'm sticking the neck at this moment, and will predict the winner of the fifth season of "Dancing," and that is...(can you feel the excitement?)...and her name is...(have you guessed yet?)...
There's logic to my madness, so read my handicaps, and then tell me how little I know, or whether I’m on to something.
• Melanie "Mel B" Brown, 32, Spice Girls, partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Odds: 7:1. I kinda like Scary's chances because she's exactly the right age - the average age of the past four winners is 32 - but there's so much career baggage that she's bringing to the dance floor that I find it almost impossible to imagine her winner.
• Helio Castroneves, 32, racecar driver, partner, Julianne Hough. Odds: 8:1. "Stars" loves athletes - the last two winners - but 'Neves problem may be simply that he's a guy and the odds are that a woman will win this time.
• Mark Cuban, 48, businessman (owner of NBA's Dallas Mavericks), partner, Kym Johnson. Odds: 1,000:1. Knows how to make money, and probably dance too, but he's way too old.
• Jennie Garth, 35, actress ("Beverly Hills, 90210"), partner, Derek Hough. 10:1. Again, we have an age issue here. Not a serious one, and if she had even the slightest athletic background, that would be a factor in her favor, but she doesn't so...
• Josie Maran, 29, supermodel, partner, Alec Mazo. Odds: 100:1. I just don't think Maran's got the heart for this. She told TV Guide she used to think the show was cheesy - naturally, she was right - and decided to do this to promote her new line of cosmetics.
• Cameron Mathison, 38, actor (“All My Children”), partner, Edyta Sliwinska. Odds: 20:1. Interesting possibility, and actors seem to do well here. Did you know (I didn't) that Mathison had to wear leg braces as a kid? (He had Perthes disease, per his Wiki entry.) Doubtful that'd be a factor now...
• Floyd Mayweather, Jr., 30, boxer, partner, Karina Smirnoff. Odds: 50:1. On paper, he's perfect - right age and great athlete. But he's also got a big fight coming up in December, and that's gotta be a huge distraction.
• Wayne Newton, 65, singer, partner, Cheryl Burke. Odds: 500,000:1. This would be a million to one, except his partner is Burke, who is a miracle worker. But miracles won't work here.
• Marie Osmond, 47, singer/doll designer, partner, Jonathan Roberts. Odds: 1000:1. Wrong age. Simple as that.
• Albert Reed, 22, supermodel, partner, Anna Trebunskaya. Odds: 10:1. Sight unseen, he's a possibility, but expect a woman to win the fifth season.
• Jane Seymour, 56, actress, partner, Tony Dovolani. Wrong age. Also simple as that.
And our winner is...
• Sabrina Bryan, 22, actress, partner, Mark Ballas. Odds: 4:1. On paper, she absolutely looks right. Right sex (a woman HAS to win this time), right age (athleticism is a major deciding factor), and right affiliation. She's a Disney employee, and the Cheetah Girls movie is coming out next year, and don't you think the judges will want to keep her around as long as humanly possible? Also, she's got moves - did a workout video last year.
Our winnah.
Comments (1)
How can you discriminate based solely on age? There are no end of older performers who are still spry enough to dance, let alone compete on a show like this. Seems to me Jerry Springer lasted a little while, and he was--gasp!--old.