The TV Zone

Okay, I'll give you a couple options on the Katie Couric slapping (ooooh that HURTS!) saga. You can either read Joe Hagan's solid opus in New York Mag (nymag.com) or you can read my read of various outtakes. Why is the latter preferable? Because mine'll only take 30 seconds to absorb and you better set aside 30 minutes for Joe's.

So here's what we're gonna do. I'm going to pull some copy from the NY Mag piece, and then give you my two cents on why it's important, and what it may mean/portend.

Let's start with...

"60 MINUTES"

"The shift to a more traditional format clearly left Couric with some job dissatisfaction. Now that her interviews were being cut, she found herself having to fight for airtime in a way she hadn’t had to since her rookie days in Washington. According to Nicolla Hewitt, Couric’s longtime producer and 'really, really close friend' (whom Couric personally authorized to speak for this story), the network began to renege on its promises and stopped giving Couric the support she needed to pursue news or command the news division. Management 'nickel and dimed' her on ambitious enterprise stories and deferred to what Hewitt called the 'old guard' at '60 Minutes' on interviews that belonged to Couric. ‘They do more to protect the old guard than they do to promote the new face of the network,’ says Hewitt. ‘And it’s completely wrong. It’s time for a younger person there.’”

MY READ: Oh man, with friends like these... I suggest Nicolla check the ages of some prominent "60 Minutes" types - Scott Pelley is Katie's age; Anderson Cooper was born in '67 and Lara Logan in '71. Do these qualify as "younger" types, Nicolla? But this may be the most important segment in the entire 6,000 word piece. Why? Note the words "personally authorized to speak..." This means we are effectively hearing Katie's own words, and she is clearly sending a Katiesque message to "60" chief, Jeff Fager. The message is this: Since I'm going to be joining you full-time after the '08 election, give me that nice office Mike Wallace used to have. “What? He's still in there? Well move him out..."

BOB SCHIEFFER:

"When I bring up the name Bob Schieffer, Couric first affects naïveté, then smiles a knowing smile and says nothing."

MY READ: Katie obviously believes Bob was the leakee to Gail Shister, who wrote/predicted in the Philly Inquirer this spring that Couric would be out of "Evening News" after the elections. Love Hagan's "affects naivete" line. Says it all. But was Bob the real source? Wouldn't it be hilarious if he wasn’t but the real source - and I'm just spitballing here – was Scott Pelley, who will take Katie's place when she leaves for "60 Minutes?"

WHOOPI GOLDBERG:

"’Call me, woman!’ says Couric [at some industry function,] making a phone gesture with her thumb and pinkie. ‘Now that you’re all skinny and ----!’”

"It’s the ‘girlfriend’ Katie, the former Tri-Delt sorority sister at the University of Virginia, the one whose cell-phone ring was recently identified as the Pussycat Dolls’ 'Don’t Cha (Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me),' the one who bonded with American women over cooking and fashion and parenting segments on Today. The one who doesn’t fit the mold of an evening news anchor."

MY READ: Maybe the best part of Hagan's piece - Katie as she really is - and sadly-but-truly the reason why America has not embraced her in her new role, and likely never will. "Making a phone gesture with her thumb and pinkie...??" Where was the air kiss? The "let's do lunch, babe?" Or, "you da bomb, Whoopi!!" And PUSSYCAT DOLLS!!??

“'TODAY SHOW:"

“'I think the show got increasingly soft during my tenure, during the end of it,' she says, referring to the version of the program run by former executive producer Tom Touchet, with whom she often clashed. 'And that’s one of the reasons I wasn’t fulfilled journalistically in the job. Perhaps the most recent memory of me in the eyes of some people is of the softer, fun aspects of the Today show, which I totally enjoyed and I think I did well in, but it wasn’t the whole enchilada for me.'”

MY READ: Another great read-between-the-lines moment. Oh, so it's poor Tom Touchet's fault now, is it? So he's the one that made "Today" so insufferable. YOU had NOTHING to do with it, Katie.

DIET COKE:

"As her friend Hewitt puts it, 'I don’t think CBS was ready for the change they said they were. They bought Diet Coke and turned it into bottled milk. They totally changed the brand.'”

MY READ: There you go again, Nicolla. Let's parse this cliché - Katie was "Diet Coke," or something that has absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever, and CBS turned her into "bottled milk" - which you can't even buy anymore, except at Zabar's?
Sometimes it’s best to say nothing at all.


O.HENRY

“'And if I had my druthers, would I have not been on every bus in New York? Especially the ones that almost ran me over, which would be the ultimate modern-day O. Henry story? Yeah.”

MY READ: Katie is conversant in O.Henry? Who knew. Great quote though. Why o' why don't we have more of this type of Katie?

SPUTUM:

"The stress has caused her to blow up at her staff for small infractions on the set. During the tuberculosis story in June, Couric got angry with news editor Jerry Cipriano for using a word she detested—'sputum'—and the staff grew tense when she began slapping him 'over and over and over again..'"

MY READ: I laughed so hard the tears soaked my shoes. Imagine the scene: Katie slapping this poor guy, harder and harder and harder, until he screams out in pain. He probably still has the bruises. And over what? A word like "sputum." Frankly, I don't blame, Katie. I woulda slugged the guy. ("I'll sputum you, pal...") I think "phlegm" is a much better word anyway. Or hocker.

"EVENING NEWS"

"Couric is realistic enough to imagine that it might not work out in the end. 'If it turns out it wasn’t a perfect fit,' she says, 'then, you know, I’ll do something else that’s really exciting and fulfilling for me.'"

MY READ: A fabulous quote, and proof that Couric has decided that this hasn't worked, and she's looking to the Next Thing. And what will that be....?

"60 MINUTES” AGAIN:

"Jeff Fager, the executive producer of the show, says he can easily imagine Couric working at 60 Minutes full time. 'I could see that, yes,' he says. 'I’m sure she’d probably like to do that some nights.' When I bring up Fager’s comment to Couric, she agrees, ‘Yes, and have a little more of a life.’”

MY READ: It's official. She's going to "60." Now, Jeff, about Mike's office. Not big enough for Katie? Maybe your's might do...

Is the fabulous Ms. Katie "60 Minutes-"bound? Put your money on that one. (Picture courtesy Time.)