The TV Zone

"The Sopranos" returns April 8 for the final - really final – nine episodes, which means that oh, right about now a.) the press is speculating how it will all end, and b.) HBO is sending out teases that will lead said press on this merry and utterly fruitless goose chase.

And wouldn't you know? HBO just minutes ago sent out a few tidbits and morsels that are so devoid of nourishment that one just can't help chewing on them over and over. So here goes:

Among the guest stars who will make appearances, there's Geraldo, Nancy Sinatra, Sydney Pollack, Daniel Baldwin, and Frank John Hughes (a good Bronx-born actor - been in a lot of stuff and most recently was in A&E's "Kings of South Beach”), Ken Leung, David Margulies, Jonathan LaPaglia (another good vet actor, brother of Tony, who you'd recognize if you saw). And returning: Tim Daly and Julianna Margulies.

The one "huh!!??" out of this list is of course Geraldo. I'll leave it to you to figure out what sort of role he might assume and whether his close-up will be truncated by a bullet or two.

Meanwhile, we move to the plot-points. Here's a direct quote from the HBO press release. (Notice the obfuscation, the utter indecipherability of it all. Just masterful.)

"Having survived a close call with death, Tony Soprano struggles to remind himself that each day is a gift, but challenges new and old make that all but impossible. At home, Carmela plans for a future she's not sure will arrive, while Anthony Jr. and Meadow find that adulthood holds its own surprises. As for his other 'family,' Tony comes to doubt some of his oldest and most trusted allies and makes some hard choices that will shape his own destiny as boss."

I don't know about you, but change a name here or there this little blurb just described MY life perfectly.

Anyway, we’ve got more. Here's the April run-down, followed by my own two cents. Feel free to contribute your own as well.

April 8: "Soprano Home Movies"
"After a close call at home, Tony and Carmela head to the Adirondacks for a weekend with Bobby and Janice."

Read between the lines: A "close call" could mean someone tried to do something that wasn't very nice to Tony, but then "heading to the Adirondacks?" This is a place where one goes to deposit the occasional body, not to admire the scenery. (Or at least the Catskills are.) Bobby and Janice?? Will Bobby bring along his cute little railroad cap?

April 15: "Stage 5"
"Tony finds art imitating life at the "Cleaver" premiere; in prison, Johnny Sack copes with more bad news."

Read between the lines: Oh, this one should be a real keeper. The "Cleaver" movie, you will recall, is the renamed version of Chris's screenplay, "Pork Store Killer," with overtones of Tarantino. You remember - the body parts scattered in various dumps, but they could be rejoined if they were in the same dump. Something to that effect. But "more bad news" for JS?! Let's see - he's got cancer, in jail, cried at his daughter's wedding, on various hit lists. What could be worse?

April 22: "Remember When"
"With the heat turned up in Jersey, Tony and Paulie head south to cool off. Meanwhile, Junior rekindles some of his old fire in a poker game."

Read between the lines: Waitaminute! What's June doing playing Texas Hold 'Em? Is he with other inmates? And why do "Tony and Paulie" head south? Why not Tony and Paulie and Christopha?
Here's another big question: Is Christopha even alive by this point?

April 29: "Chasing It"

"Tony hits an unlucky stretch; AJ makes a life-changing decision; Vito's widow Marie (Elizabeth Bracco) turns to Tony for help with her troubled son."

Reading between the lines: Beats me on this one. Does AJ officially join the family, so to speak? Will Vito return for a flashback?

Oops...wrong show. But great poster. (Thanks to simpsoncrazy.com)