By Joseph V. Amodio
Yes, you may think all is glitter-glorious in and among the tents and off-site venues of Fashion Week. But there are those who snap you out of all the fabulousness and bring you back to hard, gritty reality.
Three cases in point:
1) At Marchesa—the garmento-type broad with the recently done highlights and large handbag that she plopped down on one of the cubes that a model was standing on, so she could rifle through her mess and pull out something vital. What? A compact? A business card? These cubes are not wide -- room for one nutrient-deprived woman, that's about it. And there I was, noticing the bulging veins on the feet of the poor model, standing in these impossibly high shoes, the pain noticeable in her eyes, and this woman comes along, jabbering with a friend and, oh, wait a sec’, I think I have it right here—and she slings the bag down on the cube, practically on top of the poor model’s aching feet.
Do you plop your bag down—"Wait, I think I have a pen in here"—on somebody else’s table at a restaurant? Or thrust your carry-on—"Hold this, wouldja?"—in the cockpit of a plane? Or throw your luggage up on the stage—"’Scuse me, I just need to see if I packed my favorite socks"—when Patti LuPone is singing in "Gypsy?" (You better believe if you try that with Ms. L, mama's gonna stop the show, walk over and slap you. Hard. AND take your favorite socks.)

Bonnie & Clyde photo from FBI.gov
2) At Doo.Ri—the woman who stole my shampoo and conditioner. At least I think it was shampoo and conditioner. It was a gift bag from Marchesa, that they handed me as I was leaving. I wasn’t even sure what it was at the time, as I was trying to zip up my coat and pull out my umbrella to brace myself for the freezing rain. I hoofed it down a few blocks to the Doo.Ri show on the Far West Side, put my own messenger back and the gift bag down at my seat, and stepped across the aisle to chat with a colleague. I heard an odd…thud…and turned to see a large older woman with two humongo shopping bags—we’re talking each one bigger than my grandmother’s mobile home in Amityville (hey, we’re jus’ folks, here)—leaning over my seat, and then making a hasty retreat. My actual bag—which is more important—was untouched. But whatever they handed me at Marchesa—gone.
Now it's not a huge deal. I donate that stuff to local groups anyway. But...still.
At the end of the show, I found myself next to the woman as we exited. I wanted to tell her off. I wanted to rifle through her bag. But as I looked at her—past her prime, eyes still trolling the seats for neglected items, all I could feel was…pity. Really? This is how you spend your golden years? "Enjoy the shampoo," was all I could muster. And I left.
3) At Richie Rich—or, more specifically, in line at Cain, on West 27th Street, for his after-party. "OK, we have a problem," says the chick who's working some retro look and speaking into her cell phone. "Yeah, I can’t believe it, I mean, this is, like, MY place. I mean, Cain is my place where we hang out, and there seems to be some sort of…event…going on." The crowd was larger than usual, apparently, and, oh, heavens, what to do, where to go? We could go to Bungalow, but, no, that wasn’t quite right. Or we could go to…but no… "I know, I know, but just meet us here anyway. If we change our plans, I’ll let you know. My publicist is calling around to some other places…."
Really? Your publicist? You're not exactly Amanda Lepore (Richie's buxom muse). Babe, if you were THAT fabulous, you wouldn’t be waiting in line…. (Truth be told, this last woman didn’t really tick me off. She more amused me, actually. And, who knows, maybe she’s talented. Maybe she actually DOES something. But if you’re gonna be ticked off at people, it oughta be in threes. Two doesn’t quite cut it. Four’s just whiny. Three is a pattern that legitimizes your rant.)
Note to self: Hire publicist.