Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog

Flavor Flav met the Big Swede on "The Surreal Life," spun it into his own multiple-season reality show and then his own sitcom.

Peter Brady, oops, Christopher Knight, met his wife on "The Surreal Life" and turned that into another two shows. The wife, Adrienne Curry, turned it into a show and two spreads in Playboy.

Wee Man (pictured in NBC photo) kicked himself in the head repeatedly and let Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O have their way with him and now he's walking tightropes on "Celebrity Circus" on NBC.

Yes, indeed, it pays to be a celebrity these days, be that a marginal or major famous face. Not that it never paid off in the past. But ever since reality and celebreality became everyday television programming, B-listers and below are scoring some pretty cool experiences.

It used to be that us journalists had the best perks in town at family and friend gatherings, from standing on the field at Yankee Stadium to being on the red carpet for movie premieres to being backstage at Fashion Week. Now we can all get access to the hip and hot via people who have a few seconds left on their 15 minutes of fame.

And good for us and them. Take a look at some of the things celebs get to do now so long as there's a camera nearby and the chance to be eliminated or to eliminate someone from something:

• Live in a house with a bunch of other former famous people and act as if you're in college again.
• Free access to "date" a dozen or so hot-bodied chicks in the quest for "love."
• Milk cows
• Jump through hoops (literally)
• Lose weight without paying for physical trainer
• Be able to write off the cost of rehab on next year's tax return
• Capitalize on people's endless need to stare at the train wreck your life has become by getting paid to document your career's jump-start.

Just to name a few. Next time you see a promo for a new celebreality show, don't just moan and groan at its inception. Just accept it for now -- you can still moan and groan, though -- and realize we get to live in an age when after-thought celebs will do anything for our amusement and their bank accounts.

Seriously, someone please dust off the mom from "Silver Spoons." Any idea what the twins from "Double Trouble" are up to? Or Nicole Eggert? I smell a new reality series here. Maybe something about when mothers become mother-in-laws. Oh, this could be big.

- La Monica

Just like the Real World’s Joey, Jersey Jay is a diminutive Guido with a Napoleon complex that results in anger management issues that manifest themselves in steroid-rage-like outbursts.

In last night’s episode, and I swear I’m not making this up, Jersey Jay brings Tila to his home where all of the following things happen:

>> His brother hits on her
>> His mom makes out with his stepmom
>> His mom flashes Tila
>> His entire family gets in the hot tub for what MTV billed as a “family orgy”
>> His dad and stepdad take turns passing Tila around the hot tub

Of course this means that Jay is not Tila’s type and he gets sent home at the end of the show.

This is where it gets good.

Jay goes crazy, gets into a screaming match with some hillbilly named Bo (Jay reps for ‘Jersey’ while Bo does Ohio proud by simply muttering ‘O-H.’) Jay then proceeds to knock over the key statue, throw a vase and threaten Bo to a fight.

“You know what I’m going to do Bo? I’m going to go home and watch your face on TV and punch the wall! Jersey out!”

But wait, there’s more. In his last confessional, Jay proceeds to tell the world that he doesn’t care that he is going home because he was already, let's say intimate, with Tila. I have no doubt that Jay knows these guys too.

Classy.

Here is a previous Tila fight. Jay is the little guy. Bo is the guy who gets decked. Chad apparently was another cast member who fits the recipe for success model.

I’ll admit it. I’m watching “It’s Complicated” with Denise Richards. Why? I have no idea. Aside from Richards being the girl who kissed Neve Campbell in ‘Wild Things,’ I couldn’t tell you anything about her … at least about her career.

I knew she was married to Charlie Sheen and that there was some drama between her, Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora, but none of that explains why I’m watching.
I usually blame these events on my wife. She does control the remote, but I am oddly drawn to this show. I think it is because I can’t tell if she is crazy, or normal. Let’s look at the evidence.

In the crazy corner we have these facts:

Sneak peek time! Whet your appetite with a little video preview of L.C., Audrina and the next season of "The Hills" which premieres Aug. 18, compliments of E!

Joe Francis is taking his lucrative video business into the print world with his new "Girls Gone Wild" magazine.

Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian are set to appear in an upcoming issue.

This of course creates the immediate need for a launch party in L.A. And that means you can expect a video camera to document the night. Here you go as the Kardashian sisters, reality TV stars in their own right, talk about the magazine as Francis lords over them eerily on the red carpet.

We're never afraid to admit our love for "The Hills" here in Pet Rock. Great show, great drama, hot ladies, schmucky guys. It's the new recipe for success on television.

And while we spoke of Lauren Conrad last week for making clothes, this week's news bit is about someone else taking off their clothes.

Topless photos have surfaced online of Audrina Patridge, who stars as Audrina Patridge on MTV's highest-rated show ever, just in time for the March 24 premiere of its new season.

We can't in good conscience -- translation: I wan't to keep my job -- post the photos here or link directly to them. However, we can suggest typing her name into the search box onGoogle news. Pet Rock knows at least one person who will thoroughly appreciate the search results.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the next season of "The Hills" (not this one coming up next week.) Will MTV whack her from the show? We hope not.

At least Audrina manned up about it, saying in a statement:

"I took these photos years ago, when I was just out of high school and beginning to model. I was young and very trusting of others, and I didn't know to protect myself. It is a lesson learned, for myself, and hopefully for the young girls who look up to me."

Why do people apologize for doing things? Why are they looked at negatively for these types of things? Pet Rock fully supports free will and people's right to do whatever they want. In today's society, people can do and say what they want, then apologize for it and everything is all good. Why apologize? Say and do what you want. Live your life.

'Dancing With the Stars' made its return this week and we met a whole new crew of C- and D-list celebrities hoping to fox trot and samba their careers out of the trash.

Monday night, the guys took to the dance floor and TV and radio show host Adam Carolla danced his heart out with partner Julianne Hough. Did anyone hear what I heard at the end of their routine? It was Adam allegedly calling Carrie Ann the B-word after getting a poor rating on their dance performance.

What gives? This guy is a professional comedian and that's all he could come up with? I really thought he'd be more clever in his response. Looks like the TV censors missed it as well because I distinctly heard him spew the B-word at her.

Dancing With the Stars photos

On Wednesday's Howard Stern Show, Adam admits saying the B-word. "I said the word b*tch came out of my mouth, but it wasn't directed toward her. It was more like 'aint that a b*tch.'" Click here to watch the video on TMZ.com.

Looks like he's trying to generate buzz for his cheesey new movie "The Hammer." Adam complained in his annoying whiney voice to Howard Stern about how hard it is to juggle hours of dance practice, raise his twins, and do his radio show. Here's his ideal scenario: "What I would like to do is make it through a few weeks, get some publicity for the movie, meet everybody and then after three weeks it's enough," he said.

Good luck Julianne, your partner is a real "winner."

-- Corris Little

We're huuuuuuuge fans of Lauren Conrad here at Pet Rock and we're not ashamed to admit it.

Nor are we alone in our support of LC, what with "The Hills" being the highest rated show ever on MTV. By the way, "The Hills" returns to MTV on March 24.

In the meantime, LC made her Fashion Week debut at Smashbox Studios in Los Angeles on Tuesday. Seeing how we know you love Miss Conrad as much as we do, we put together a little photo gallery for you to enjoy. Click the pic above and have some fun. (Sorry, no Heidi-Spencer pix.)

- Mark La Monica

I've long contended that the KFC biscuit is the best single item in fast food history. Now comes "news" that Hollywood may be joining in support of my theory.

Lauren Conrad, our fave gal on "The Hills," recently parted ways with Teen Vogue and also moved into some fancy pants home in the flats just off Sunset Boulevard.

Right down the road from the reported new home of LC is a KFC and a Blockbuster. Hello, marketing and PR fun! Line up and let's go to work on some cool stunts.

To quote Guru in the '90s rap song "Dwyck" (best rap song of all time, by the way), "Lemonade was a popular drink and in still is; I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis."

And so it is, as this morning I received an email from a KFC rep with this little gem:

"In the spirit of Southern Hospitality, KFC has sent Conrad an offer to cater her housewarming party and, because of the recent Teen Vogue news and her experience with fashion designing, we're inviting her to design one of our Retro T-shirts that benefit Colonel Scholars, a charity providing deserving students with much needed college scholarships."

No word on if she's accepted the offer. But, you gotta love that move. Hey KFC, get me on that guest list! Or, maybe just send me some biscuits and an LC T-shirt.

By Mark La Monica

It's true. I watch "The Hills." I'm not ashamed to admit it. I don't, however, go online to watch the aftershow. That just seems a bit over the top.

But I got suckered into watching it last night when MTV put the show on television. Even with the live interview with Lauren Conrad and her greatest smile in television history, I'm ashamed I won't get back those 30 minutes of life. (That puts my career running total at 234 days I wish I could have back.)

But at least I'm not alone in the enjoyment received from watching "The Hills." It's the top-rated show on MTV, so I guess I'm doing something right.

But this full disclosure right here will cost me plenty of street cred: I was in 7-Eleven one day, happened to see Teen Vogue and looked in the masthead for LC and Whitney's name. No such luck. I put the magazine down and prayed the security camera ran out of tape.

Alas, such is life. Click on the Lauren Conrad photo above for some photos from last night's season finale.

By Mark La Monica

The wildly popular "Dancing With The Stars" has been a ratings bonzana for ABC. It encapsulates the reality competition genre that dominates programming these days. And it puts people in charge, somewhat, of their own future.

But don't fool yourself, Even in this era of user-generated content (aka, "Do our work for us"), there's way more going on with this show that makes it successful.

Here are 12 reasons why "Dancing With The Stars" works:

1) Famous people
We as a culture in this nation do love us some celebrities. But the true guilty pleasure in watching these celebs is two-fold:

• Watching celebs transform from regular non-dancers to graceful dancers
• Secretly hoping to watch famous people make a fool of themselves on national televison.

2) Insane clothing
The women all were shiny little things. The men all raided Sam Rothstein's closet at The Tangiers.

3) The music
It's all songs we already know, which never hurts. They're performed by people at the show, not by the original artists, which adds some intrigue (even if some of the versions are woefully painful to hear.) They don't talk about this, but the music is the secret energy of the show.

4) A gutsy host
Tom Bergeron drops bombs. Gotta respect a host who can easily alternate between kissing celebrity patoot and mocking celebrities to the face. On the show finale, Bergeron asked the earlier weeks' losers some questions. When he got to Jennie Garth (aka Kelly Taylor), he said on live television: "Jennie, uh, we were gonna ask you a question, but instead let's roll the clip of her falling down . . . Really, I don't have time for questions." Onions!

5) Train wrecks
There's also at least one star on the show that makes you say "I can't wait to watch this debacle." The train wreck was been played admirably this season by Wayne Newton and Mark Cuban, and in previous seasons by Tucker Carlson and Jerry Springer.

6) A crazy Italian
Having been raised by plenty of crazy Italians, let me say this: Never, never, never underestimate the influence loud, outspoken and demonstrative Italians can have on the things you do. Forza Bruno Tonioli!

7) Smokin hot chicks
Julianne Hough, Kym Webster, Cheryl Burke, Carrie Ann, etc., etc., etc.

8) Old-school classics
The creators and producers of "Dancing" do a remarkable job of landing a good array of talent to appeal to every demographic imaginable. That always yields a "Wow, I didn't know they were still around, but damn she/he still looks good" moment. This year's old-school classic: Jane Seymour. That woman is good medicine.

9) College flashbacks
Every man who had a girlfriend and schedule flexibility in their senior year of college during the 1990s was forced to take the ballroom dancing class. Some of those men are with those same women. Some are with different women. Those different women also took the ballroom dancing class. And now that those college guys of the 1990s have gone soft in their 30s, it's deja vu all over again.

10) Cast stability
Sure, each season revolves around different celebrities, but the dancers remain the same (give or take one or two here and there). That gives the viewer a chance to grow with the show and compare Karina Smirnoff's work with Slater last season with her work with Pretty Boy Floyd this season.

11) Career revival
Tell the truth: for those of you who didn't watch the extremely short-lived "ESPN Hollywood," who even knew Mario Lopez had skills beyond bad wrestling moves in a fake gym on Saturday mornings?

12) The dance moves
Yeah, they're pretty cool, too.