Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog

That damn Soda Popinski!

It's been 20 years and he's still unbeatable in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! You'd think after this length of time, he'd be a bit out of shape with wimpy noodle arms.

But oh no. He's still a mighty Russian with uppercuts that start at the floor and end at the top of the TV screen, Little Mac's rattled brain caught in the middle.

Thanks to Jitsu friend Jitsu and his keen ability to spend $5 to download the original game to his Wii, I scored the opportunity to conquer my childhood demons.

Isn't this what we dream about? To be older and wiser when we meet our childhood nemesis? To have that "one of these days" when we're at our peak and the sides are equal?

I cruised through the early rounds, laying out Von Kaiser in under a minute and taking Dom Flamenco to the third round just for fun. I even remembered the timing on countering Bald Bull's bull charge (no thanks to Doc Lewis).

Then came Soda Popinski, with his two left hooks, his Russian two-step and quick right jabs and those mighty uppercuts. He smoked me. Again. I felt like I made no progress in life. If there were an Alyssa Milano poster hanging on the wall, I'd have felt 12 years ago again. Sitting on a couch, no closer to personal glory as I see Little Mac sitting on a chair after the fight with Nintendo's game makers taunting me into retirement after losing the rematch.

Damn you, Soda Popinski!

But here's the major difference in life these days. Fueled by 20 years of anger and embarassment about rarely being able to beat the almighty Russian, I went on YouTube and typed in "Soda Popinski." I found a tutorial on how to use a glitch against Popinski.

Now we'll see what happens in our next fight. Bring back the Cold War, this Russian is going down!

- Mark La Monica