I've made my triumphant return to the squared circle, or at least I started watching pro wrestling again for the past five weeks.
I won't front and say I never liked it or that it doesn't entertainment me still. But for the past five weeks, I watched WWE Monday Night Raw intensely, conducting an observational research study. There's little science involved here, hence the keyword "observational."
Somewhere in between the swantan bombs, RKOs, elimination chambers, pedigrees and powerbombs, the old moves went away.
Classic wrestling moves you won't see anymore (unless you're on YouTube):
1) Camel clutch: The only way this comes back is if Bush takes us to war against Iran. Please don't do that, Mr. Bush.
2) Abdominal stretch: Was there a better or more ridiculously fake move than this one?
3) Headbutt: Short but powerful. Perhaps all that NFL concussion research plays a role here.
4) Leg drop: Hulk Hogan did it the best, but surely someone else could try it.
5) Standing dropkick: These wrestlers are more athletic than ever before. Surely someone can elevate high enough from a standing position to smack an opponent in the face with his feet.
6) Backbreaker: Oh, the L-5!
7) Real tag teams: Anyone remember Windham and Rotundo? Demolition? The Hardy Boys? DX? Road Warriors? Midnight Rockers? The Rock n Roll Express? These were tag teams!