Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog

SEATTLE -- Spinderella, cut it up one time!

Heck, Spinderella, cut it up as many times as you want. All night long is fine with me.

You had me at "Luchini." The "Murder She Wrote," the "Sucker MCs" and the Little Viscious medley were a sweet musical bonus for this East Coast Old Schooler.

Too bad the rest of Seattle flunked right out of the old school on Friday night at The War Room. Cool place, though. Just a crowd that is naive in the ways of the old school.

I used to have this theory that music is the universal uniter of people from all walks of life in all parts of the U.S. of A. The hands go up in Seattle just as fast as they do in New York when it was all a dream and we used to read up Word Up! Magazine, and the butts drop in New York just as fast as they do in Miami when we snap our fingers, do our stare.

Early in the night, the theory held true. But as I head-nodded and shoulder-shaked and whatever else I could think of once Spinderella took to the turntables, I noticed I was one of the few to do it on every song. And I wasn't even drinking!

Spinderella, the unsung DJ for Salt-N-Pepa, ripped it up with an impressive old-school set. In order to keep the rest of the crowd happy (apparently, she wasn't just spinning for my enjoyment), she mixed in the appropriate new school treats and old pop standbys. But take a look at the old school bombs that flew right over everyone head's but mine:

"Murder She Wrote" by Chaka Demus and Pliers
"Sucker MCs" by Run-DMC
"I Know You Got Soul" by Eric B. & Rakim*
"Freaks" by Little Vicious
"Set it Off"
"Sound of da Police" by KRS-One
Late '70s/Early '80s cardboard-on-the-street breakbeats

* Guess who requested "a little Rakim" via text messaging from the back of the club to the stage via New-to-the-phone friend Kendall? Thanks again for those 30 seconds, Spin. Even if no one in the crowd but you and me know the true beauty and impact of that song.

As I lamented this city's lack of passion for the old school (aside from Luniz' "I Got Five On It" - they play it every 11 minutes on the radio as if it were brand new), the journalist in me took hold and I started asking some questions. How is it that a hip-hop club full of hip-hop heads don't appreciate all this stuff Spin is spinnin?

"It's Seattle" was the most commonly given answer to my questions.

"That's whack" was the most commonly given response to the answer to my questions.

Maybe that East Coast bias that West Coasters love to talk about is rooted in truth. Or maybe it was just a strange subset of people who can't even stay hyped 45 seconds into "Wanna Be Startin' Something."

- Mark La Monica

SEATTLE -- Leave it to me to find the one coffee house that doesn't have a wireless Internet connection!

Just to review: The Emerald City is home to Nintendo, Microsoft and just a few other technology companies you may have heard of once or twice.

And there's a coffee house -- in Seattle! -- that doesn't have wireless. Seriously? OK, no, seriously? That's like walking into a bagel store in New York City or Long Island and only being able to purchase rolls.

No wonder there is so much drama every week on "Grey's Anatomy." I used to think it was just good television writing, acting and production. Nope. Turns out it's just the ridiculousness of the Pacific Northwest, a land where even when it's sunny outside, it still rains. I wish that was just a bad joke, but it's the truth here today.

Now I have to sit in a Starbucks in Seattle to get online. That's about as pop culture as Ray's Famous Pizza in Manhattan.

- Mark La Monica

By Mark La Monica

It's Christmas Day. It's Old School Tuesday. You do the math.

There is only one correct answer.

By Mark La Monica

The war may have belong to Charlie Wilson, as the title of the movie indicates, but the actual movie "Charlie Wilson's War" belongs entirely to Philip Seymour Hoffman.

From all the trailers and press, this is a Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts movie, but Hoffman walks right up to them, holds them at mustache-point and straight steals the movie from them.

He's brilliant as Gust Avrakotos, the CIA operative who helps organize and run the war to help Afghans defend themselves against the Soviet Union. His comedic lines are delivered with impeccable skill and timing, which isn't surprising considering how ridiculously good he is as an actor.

So, if "Christmas Day and a Movie" is your thing, consider dropping your 10 bones on "Charlie Wilson's War." Watch the trailer below for a tiny sample of Hoffman's work (and mustache!). Granted, the trailer skews heavily toward Hanks, since he's the lead actor. Just remember, it's Hoffman who owns this movie.

By Mark La Monica

Seeing how Christmas is just a few days away and quite a number of folks have Monday off for an extended holiday weekend, we here at Pet Rock decided to make YouTube Friday slightly more time-sensitive in its approach this week.

So here we go with perhaps Alec Baldwin's best SNL skit ever. Of course, it's a spoof of himself in "Glengarry Glen Ross," but that was his best movie role ever, so this all makes sense. Anyway, stop reading these words and start watching this video.

By Mark La Monica

Short of receiving an email from Bruce Willis with an attached photo of Chuck Norris caught in a sleeper hold from Sylvester Stallone while in the background Steven Seagal and Frank Vincent kill a pig by hand for a luau, this is just about the manliest email one could ever receive.

Thank you for ordering from OMAHASTEAKS.COM, Inc.! Just a quick e-mail to let you know that your package has shipped and will be delivered to the following address:

Mmmm, beef. Mmmm, beef being delivered to my doorstep!

Let's break it down:

1) Meat
2) Top-notch meat
3) Someone else instructing me that the meat I purchased with my own money is ready to be delivered to me so I can eat it.
4) Being delivered to my home where I am master of my domain.

Thank the good people above for having invented the Mach 3 razor, otherwise I'd go through an entire box of blades just to shave after that email.

Insert your best Tim Allen early '90s bear growl here.

By Mark La Monica

Boy, that Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant story came out of nowhere, huh? At least with Britney, we could see the signs.

This comes just when I was starting to wonder why the tabloids continue to force people to give a hoo-hah about Britney.

I'm still hoping that this is another of those magazine hoaxes, like a few months back when someone made a fake page from J-14 saying that "Hannah Montana" actress Miley Cyrus was with child. Or maybe one of those technical errors like a bunch of years ago when NBC killed Joe DiMaggio on its breaking news crawl months before he actually died.

For the sake of everyone in the Spears family and for the rest of us in Somewhat Sane America, please let this be a hoax. Please!

Given the family history, it's likely 100-percent true. And seeing how Jamie Lynn is 16, Pet Rock will take the high road (does such a road exist in pop culture blogs?) and practice abstinence when it comes to writing any more about this bit of, um, er, uh, "news."

We certainly won't go all Chris Crocker on you and start screaming "Leaving Jamie Lynn alone!" That we promise.

Here's hoping Jamie Lynn raises a productive, well-adjusted child and that Google figures out a way to un-Google things before Lil' Spears learns how to read and use the Internet. No child deserves the wrath Lil Spears is bound to endure in the coming months before he or she enters the world.

By Mark La Monica

Inspired by a rockin' '80s birthday party for Philanthropy friend Amanda, we dig deep into the childhood memory bank for this special treat.

P.S. I make no apologies for the next 12 hours that this song is stuck in your head!

By Mark La Monica

Given the shell-shocking the baseball world received on Thursday with the Mitchell Report, I thought we'd use YouTube Friday to go back in time to an era when baseball felt pure and performance-enhancing was done on the field!

By Jonathan McCarthy

If your home is anything like mine during the holidays, there is holiday music playing 24/7. My wife has every radio tuned to the station that plays holiday music all day, the cable TV is tuned to the Seasonal Classics digital music station and even the satellite radio in the car reminds me ‘tis the season.

Now, I like this time of year as much as anyone, but all this non-stop holiday music each year reminds me of one thing. There are some very annoying holiday songs out there.

I’m sure it is hard to write a classic, such as "I’ll Be Home for Christmas," "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," or "Christmas in Hollis," but apparently it is easy to pen a bad one.

Here is a look at some of the most annoying, and popular holiday songs. Some are divisive and some are just so bad they should be banned forever. Take a look and cast your vote:

"Santa Baby" by Madonna: This rendition is boo-dee-boo bad.

"Dominick the Donkey" by Lou Monte: This song you either love or hate. I’ll let you decide.

"Feliz Navidad" by Jose Feliciano: This classic makes the list because once you hear it you can’t get it out of your head.

"12 Pains of Christmas" by Bob Rivers: Hearing "rigging up the lights" the first time is funny. Only the first time.

"Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney: This song is made worse by the fact that you know how good of a musician Paul McCartney is.

"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" by Elmo and Patsy: Not much to say here. Just plain bad.

"Jingle Bells" by the Barking Dogs: Not a real song, but they play it on the radio so it makes the list.

"The Chanukah Song" by Adam Sandler: Again, a polarizing song based mostly on one’s devotion, or lack there of, to Adam Sandler.

Now that you've watched the videos above (remember though, those are just for audio purposes), it's time to vote for the most annoying holiday song.

By Mark La Monica

It's true. I watch "The Hills." I'm not ashamed to admit it. I don't, however, go online to watch the aftershow. That just seems a bit over the top.

But I got suckered into watching it last night when MTV put the show on television. Even with the live interview with Lauren Conrad and her greatest smile in television history, I'm ashamed I won't get back those 30 minutes of life. (That puts my career running total at 234 days I wish I could have back.)

But at least I'm not alone in the enjoyment received from watching "The Hills." It's the top-rated show on MTV, so I guess I'm doing something right.

But this full disclosure right here will cost me plenty of street cred: I was in 7-Eleven one day, happened to see Teen Vogue and looked in the masthead for LC and Whitney's name. No such luck. I put the magazine down and prayed the security camera ran out of tape.

Alas, such is life. Click on the Lauren Conrad photo above for some photos from last night's season finale.

By Mark La Monica

A little treat from back when the only way to settle street beefs was by outdancing the other gang.

Oh what a world it would be if this still were true. Sadly, watching Turbo, Ozone and Kelly out-break Electrorock is as close as we'll get these days. But I encourage you all to throw down some cardboard in your office on your lunch break, but on a really thin headband and challenge the boss to a danceoff.

By Mark La Monica

John Cusack is pretty much an acting legend for anyone ages 27-40. He's played just about every type of character and always manages to leave an impression.

He's catching plenty of pub right now for his latest movie, "Grace is Gone," where he plays an ex-military man who has to tell his children that their mother died in Iraq. Saturday's Chicago Tribune ran a good piece on Cusack. The Dec. 14 issue of Entertainment Weekly ran a good interview with him, too. Here's the video portion of it.

In reading those stories and in researching his filmography on IMDB.com, you forget just how many memorable movies Cusack has been a part of the last 25 years.

So, in the spirit of his character in "High Fidelity," here we go with our top five John Cusack movies. We're not saying these are his best roles, just the movies we'd order for a Cusack marathon if we had the unlimited plan on Netflix.

1) "Better Off Dead"

He skied the K-12, hung out with Booger from "Revenge of the Nerds," beat the Asian Howard Cosell in a drag race, beat up Ricky Smith and landed the French girl, played by Diane Franklin.

2) "High Fidelity"

He ran a record shop, pre-hooked up with Catherine Zeta-Jones, stalked Tim Robbins in hopes of getting his girl back, understood how to put together a mixtape, and re-landed the girl, played by Iben Hjejle.

3) "Runaway Jury"

He delivered this gem of a line in the morning to describe his night before: "I woke up on my stove," manipulated Gene Hackman and Dustin Hoffman, rigged a jury, and landed the girl, played by Rachel Weisz.

4) "Say Anything"

He was the eternal optimist, Lloyd Dobler, the guy who pined over a girl for all the right reasons, the guy women of the 80s fell in love with (and still love), and then landed the smart girl played by Ione Skye.

5) "Eight Men Out"

In one of the most underrated baseball movies, he played the honest ballplayer amongst a group of crooked White Sox who threw the 1919 World Series, gave honor to America's pasttime, and surprisingly, didn't land the girl. Of course, in the movie based on a true story, he was already married to Helen Weaver, played by Barbara Garrick.

Honorable mention: "One Crazy Summer," "Must Love Dogs," "America's Sweethearts."

Here are a few clips from some of these movies above and the trailers for his two latest films.

By Mark La Monica

Like the rest of sporting America, I've heard all the hype of Ultimate Fighting and mixed martial arts and how it's the next big thing, how it's replacing boxing, how it's the most coolest thing ever in the history of cool.

I never bought into it, which as a pop culture blogger, sounds paradoxical. How could I shun "the next big thing among males 18-34?" It's simple, really.

I watched quite a few matches on Spike, whatever they call Channel 3 on Cablevision these days, Pay-Per-View and YouTube, and they all stunk. Just a bunch of clinching and wrapping, with a few punches thrown here and there. Sounds a lot like boxing right now, doesn't it?

But after watching the Roger Huerta-Clay Guida match on Saturday night with Gimpy-knee friend Jitsu, I think I might be able to write this next sentence and believe it. Ultimate Fighting is pretty cool.

Guida reminds of when Ed Gennaro played football. He's a wild man, no, a rampaging beast. Huerta is just as high-energy, but appears more controlled.

These two nutjobs went at it hard for two rounds, with Guida presumably ahead on the scorecards. Then, early in the third round, Huerta caught Guida with a shot to the head, followed it up with more shots, then smacked a choke hold on Guida (MMA's substitute for the WWE's sleeper hold). Just like that, Guida tapped out, lost and became less ultimate than Huerta.

Of course, with a sport such as this, words don't really do it justice. You'll need to watch the match to understand. Peep SpikeTV's Ultimate Fighter site or UFC.com soon. They'll likely have video clips of the fight.

Here's something, though, that can help describe this craze: In an earlier match between Jonathan "War Machine" Koppenhaver and Jared "J-Roc" Rollins, blood flowed like a "Grey's Anatomy" marathon. At the end of the match, Koppenhaver poured a bottle of water over his head and you could see the blood come flowing out of his hair and down his back. Sick. But pretty cool since it wasn't my blood.

By Mark La Monica

OK, fellas, you can sit this one out. Don't hate, though. We gave you the new "Rambo" trailer earlier this week. This one's for the ladies.

It's the "Sex and the City" trailer. For the same reasons men love "Entourage," women love "Sex and the City." Just sit back and relax, fellas. And save your money because we get the feeling you're going to be buying tickets more than once.

Don't get too close to the screen, though. That flower might eat your face!

By Mark La Monica

See that pic of Adam Abramson over there on the left side of this page? Around the Pet Rock cubicles, we call him "Big Cat."

Right now, though, I'm calling him just about every name in Billy Bob Thornton's book of never-before-strung-together curse words.

Why such hate toward the amicable fella? Because this jerk sent me this IM earlier tonight:

www.stickam.com
freak show
i made a free account
and wasted 2 hours of my life watching people video chat

And guess what I've been doing since that IM?

Yep, wasting my life away watching other people talk to each other online.

Stickam is this free video conference Web site that lets you talk to anyone anywhere, provided they've got a web cam. To make matters worse, you can choose just to watch other people talk.

Word on the street is that Stickam.com has been around for slightly more than a year. In case you were wondering when and how the world would end, my guess is soon and via video chat.

Intrigued, confused and scared, I watched the killscene "show." It was the first one in the featured chat section, so I rationalized that it's OK to do this since, technically, i didn't click anything. That way, I could argue passivity in the "Am I really doing this?" Court trial I will deal with in my mind for the next few days.

It was two girls talking to their web cam, and supposedly anyone in the world could enter their chat room and ask them questions. I've seen things like this before, except they were usually clips from HBO's "Real Sex" series.

These girls were fully clothed, though. They started discussing and showing their tattoos. That's when these gems entered the landscape of my permament memory:

"I have a 'Nghtmare Before Christmas' scene tattoo on my leg." "It's gonna be hard to show you because my pants are so tight."

Maybe now you understand why I will steal the Big Cat's phone cord and then call him all night at work so he can only use the speakerphone.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some watching to go do. And no, it's not "Grey's Anatomy."

By Mark La Monica

Stallone is at it again, digging into his past to come up with viable box-office draws.

Full disclosure: I saw "Rocky Balboa" on opening night last year and again two nights later. I'm not the only nutjob who did things like that.

Nor will I be the only lunatic who sees the fourth installment of his Vietnam War vet John Rambo saga, aptly titled "Rambo." I'm comforted by knowing this.

The movie comes out Jan. 25, 2008, but I've been fired up since this past weekend when I saw the posters plastered across walls on the streets of Williamsburg. So, I just had to go download the trailer, watch several dozen times, then share it with you here.

To paraphrase Col. Trautman in "First Blood," the first Rambo movie, "God didn't blog about Rambo. I did."

Every Tuesday, we hop into our Delorean and see what happens. This week, it appears we stopped over in 1987 and caught up with Patrick Dempsey before he became Dr. McDreamy.