I keep five cassettes in my car at all times:

1) Dr. Dre's "The Chronic"
2) Bobby Brown's "Don't Be Cruel"
3) Vanilla Ice's "To The Extreme"
4) Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet"
5) Andrew Dice Clay's self-titled comedy tape "Andrew Dice Clay"

It's the byproduct of a formative pop culture life rooted in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

After watching the two debut episodes of "Dice Undisputed," the latest VH-1 celeb-reality comeback show, that's exactly where the Diceman belongs: On tape in 1990.

He was great then. A rock n' roll comic who enthralled the masses and pissed off even more masses. There's something to be said for that type of power.

But now, it's just not funny anymore. In the show, he claims to have all new material. He also claims to use his same persona to deliver that new material.

That's a marriage destined for counseling and a Britney Spears-type ending.

It just doesn't work anymore. Dice loyalists will likely fill the small comedy clubs with chants of "Dice! Dice! Dice!" But when it comes to larger clubs and big arenas, I don't see it happening.

The material may be new, but if fans are going to see the same persona in the same costumes with the same delivery, it's just a matter of time before they see it as the same material.

"Dice Undisputed" has the potential to join "Breaking Bonaduce" and "Shooting Sizemore" in the celeb-reality pantheon of former celebs who film their comebacks and subsequent meteoric collapses and broadcast it to the masses.

I used to love listening to Dice on tape. I still love wearing sleeveless T-shirts. But watching Dice still live in sleeveless T-shirts hurts. The G-Unit sleeveless he wore, however, was priceless comedy. If you can't laugh at that, you have no soul.

The only thing funnier than that was his little trip to the beach in Miami where he essentially reprised his role as Vinny in "Casual Sex."

The only thing funnier than that was Dice wearing his weightlifting gloves into the ocean.

"Dice Undisputed" rivals NASCAR crashes, the idiot guys the idiot girls on "The Hills" date and the Jets with a full backfield on third-and-4 from their 47-yard line.

You don't want to watch it, but you have no choice. And when you watch it, you can't turn away. And because you can't turn away, you wind up yelling at the television.

Unbelievable!