If there is a worse show on TV than “Dr. 90210,” I don’t know what it is.

Whether I see one minute or 30 minutes of this train wreck in slow motion, my response is always the same: I want to punch a hole through the TV.

I must explain for fear of losing any street cred I may have, that I see this show only because my wife is a huge fan. I know that is the standard guy cop out, but it is true. And unlike shows such as “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Dawson’s Creek” which I was exposed to for the same reason and actually enjoyed, nothing makes me hop off the couch in search of anything else to do as fast as seeing Dr. Rey, his vapid wife or any of the other cast of soulless vultures on that show.

Dr. Rey dresses like a pimp from Shaft. His color palette is insane. He could be an extra on “Paradise Island.” Aside from that, he fancies himself as a master of mixed martial arts. Every week there is a feature of him swinging num chucks around or performing moves in some Rodeo Drive DoJo. It looks like he goes to a new place each week. My bet is that the Sensei asks him to leave because he makes their place look soft.

Now onto the surgeries. Last week, he performed a pro bono case for a guy who was born with complete facial disfigurement. Very nice gesture ruined for me by the fact that I have seen this guy say some of the most inappropriate things to women he has worked on. There was an episode once in which he performed a breast augmentation and then flicked his patient’s breasts while she was still unconscious admiring his “perky” work. How has this guy not gotten sued yet?

Even in the case of the facial reconstruction, the side story was a personal trainer who was having G-Spot expansion surgery. Here was a woman who was going to have $1,800 shot in her uterus just for the benefit of having better sex for four months (that is how long the shot lasts for). What?!? How does one even find out about that option? I missed that infomercial.

And then there is Dr. Rey’s wife, Hayley. As hard as it is to feel bad for a fairly attractive woman who has no worries in the world, never has to work and has more money than she knows what to do with, I feel bad for her.

The show portrays her as a failed actress from Canada (that’s reason enough to feel bad) who struggles with her lavish lifestyle in California. She misses her friends up North, misses acting and is extremely jealous of the life her husband leads. He offers no help by constantly showing her pictures of him with supermodels or by taking business trips to exotic locations without her. Which clearly has impacted her as she appears to have lost 80 pounds over the past few seasons.

Star breakup alert! T-minus three months and counting.

Recently we saw the Reys at a wake. They were in front of a tiny casket pouring their hearts out. Sobbing uncontrollably and reading long love notes filled with sadness. I watched in horror as I thought one of their children had passed. I had missed the beginning of the episode. Then we see them at a cemetery having a full burial. Both of them weeping and screaming in pain. It was very moving.

Then you realize that they just spent thousands on a burial for their Chihuahua. Stop the insanity.